Boyfriend says im disrespectful in certain settings F31 M31 i would love married couple insights?

A 31-year-old woman seeks advice from married couples after her boyfriend (31M) accused her of being disrespectful and “too inviting” in social settings. He believes that maintaining eye contact with other men signals promiscuity and feels embarrassed by her behavior, expecting her to avoid interactions with men entirely. She’s confused and hurt, wondering if this is a common expectation in marriage or if it’s a reflection of deeper control issues. Read the full story below.

‘ Boyfriend says im disrespectful in certain settings F31 M31 i would love married couple insights?’

My boyfriend M31 says i F31 embarrass him in public when it comes to men. We were at Home Depot looking at white paint swatches and a older guy comes up to us and says he painted a lot of houses with a certain white. I said oh really, and picked up the swatch to add to our collection.

The guy then proceeds to talk to us about the colors and my boyfriend said because i maintained eye contact with the man that’s usually an indication that i sleep around a lot and it’s embarrassing to him and that’s not how a wife should conduct herself.

Today we met with a business partner of his who he told me to contact to set up our meeting, I’ve been calling the guy getting everything together for us. We go to his house and while him and my boyfriend are having a convo i look at my boyfriend a majority of the time or play with the dogs that are there.

Occasionally during the convo the guy would try to make sure we both felt included in the conversation eventually they both sit on the sofa across from me and while they are talking i still try to mind my business as much as possible rarely ever saying a word or giving the guy any eye contact.

Once we leave my boyfriend says my body language was too inviting and i should have been on my phone (that had no service) or i should have directed my body towards the wall.

Is this what men expect of their wives? Because usually when he is having a conversation with guys even his own family members i walk out of the room or wherever i can go. In this case we were in the man’s living room.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

RockKandee −  I’m a social worker and a former therapist. I see a lot of comments on posts in this sub telling people their partner is going to become an a**sive monster over fairly innocuous things that are definitely open to interpretation.

However, in this case, your boyfriend is gearing up to control you in all aspects of your life. It is insane for him to try to say that because you maintained eye contact with a person who was offering you painting tips, that you were somehow disrespectful. He will get to the point where you will be disrespectful for even speaking to or looking at a man.

I don’t know your boyfriend so I don’t know whether putting him firmly in his place when he tries to pull this s**t would make him stop, but with ideas this extreme, I doubt it. Google the power and control wheel. It shows the different ways men control women. Things like financial control, using male privilege, using threats and intimidation. See if any of those resonate with you.

Please reconsider this relationship. I’ve been married for 24 years. I have male friends. I have male coworkers. My husband would never tell me I couldn’t be around whoever I wanted to be around. If he ever said anything about me holding too much eye contact with a stranger, I’d tell him that was crazy and ask if he joined a cult.

randomdemo −  Run. That behaviour is only going to get worse

L0veConnects −  As someone who has been married for nearly 40 yrs, I assure you this is *not* normal. Our partners do not get to tell us how to exist in the world with men. He has some deep and u**y beliefs about how women are responsible for the s**tty behaviour of men towards them. If he isn’t willing to work on that and his pervasive insecurity, I’d be out.

w3rehamster −  No, to all of that. He tries to tell you how to behave, even where you look. I’d be embarrassed if my spouse went to a gathering with a colleague and spent the whole time on their phone.

None of these things are indicative of your s**ual intentions towards anybody and if your bf sees it that way it’s a major red flag. This shows you how he thinks about and towards women. He doesn’t want a partner he wants a doll.. Leave him.

FarAcanthisitta6999 −  Get out now! He is a controlling a**hole and it will only get worse!

Guilty-Criticism7409 −  Married 24 years.. Just breakup already.

trayC-lou −  Yeah in a nutshell your boyfriend is extremely possessive and controlling.. Not normal behaviour love

thriftydelegate −  That’s not far off the Taliban’s current policy.

DplusLplusKplusM −  No, this is not what normal, healthy men expect. You’re in an emotionally a**sive relationship and if you don’t free yourself from it it’s likely to escalate into physical abuse. This guy’s scary.

WingsOfAesthir −  I think you need to read this and see what other behaviours of your BF are in there: – [Why Does He Do That: Inside I The Minds Of Controlling and Angry Men](https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat)

Because this is insane controlling behaviour. I’ve been happily married 24 years now and none of that s**t has ever happened in my marriage. And I talk to anyone and everyone, even about s**. I have a long chat with a strange man about random s**t, I come home all happy and my husband **loves** it. Because that’s me and he loves *me* just being me. He finds me delightful, crazy man.

You deserve a love that is soft, kind and accepting of you for your awesome, unique self from your partner, honey. Not this. Please read the book.. ____

[ETA talking *about* s** doesn’t mean hot, sexy s**t, it’s talking about s** education, how porn is affecting people and because I do a lot of rape survivor support, talking about how to have a healthy s** life as one. They’re kinda boring. Just wanted to clarify.]

This story raises an important question about boundaries, trust, and respect in relationships. Is it reasonable to expect a partner to avoid making eye contact or interacting with the opposite sex in public settings? Or is this behavior controlling and rooted in insecurity? We’d love to hear perspectives from married couples — how do you navigate these situations in your relationship? Share your thoughts below!