Boyfriend keeps trying to “upgrade” or “improve” me by calling me chubby

A Reddit user (F, 23) shares her distress over her boyfriend (M, 27) constantly criticizing her body and pushing her to lose weight. Despite being 5’4″ and 125 lbs, she feels he is constantly trying to “improve” her appearance, sending her photos of other women.

And suggesting she needs to change to feel more confident. She now struggles with her self-esteem and is questioning why he pursued her if he finds her so unattractive. Read the original story below.

‘ Boyfriend keeps trying to “upgrade” or “improve” me by calling me chubby’

I’ve F(23) been dating my boyfriend M(27) for a year. I am 5”4’ and 125lbs. He pursued me. Slowly he keeps making more and more negative comments about my appearance. He made me a workout and eating plan and constantly asks if I follow it. He basically wants me to go vegan.

Honestly I’m not into the vegan lifestyle and I don’t eat horrible. When we order in yesterday I got baked ziti. He looked at me and said how could I be ordering this when we both agreed I need to lose weight. Everytime I try to d**p him over this, he tells me I don’t understand where he is coming from.

He told me I’m average and he wants me to stand out. That he noticed I have low self esteem and he is trying to make me confident and be happy with myself. Everyday he asks me if I did my work outs. He will send me photos of other girls and say if I follow what he says I will look like that.

He REALLY pursued me and now I feel like he’s killing my self esteem. Why pursue someone so hard if you aren’t that attracted to them? He told me if I lose fifteen pounds I’ll be perfect. He sends me pictures of women who have post pregnancy bodies or not good bodies at all and he tells me that they are like me, that they are chubby and not curvy.

Or he will send me pictures of girls I don’t consider pretty and say if I listen to him I will look like that, I just need to lose weight. I tell him I think I’m thinner than those girls and he tells me that he has better eyes. Honestly at this point I don’t want to break up because I feel no one will find me attractive.

I feel like I want his approval. I’ve been wearing baggy clothes because I’m so ashamed of my body. I use to like my body but now I’m ashamed. Why is he dating me if I’m so unattractive? How do I gain my self esteem back? Why pursue me?

See what others had to share with OP:

[Reddit User] −  How do I gain my self esteem back? By dumping the person who keeps destroying it.

mooninpisces −  This guy is toxic. What he is doing to you is a**sive. No wonder your self-esteem is low and you’re concerned that you won’t find someone else. HE is the one who is doing that to you.

He knows he is making you doubt yourself and making you afraid that he’s the only one who will ever want you. Only you define your worth. The longer you stay in this relationship, the harder it will be to leave. And the longer it will take to discover yourself again and feel whole.

didntstarthefire −  It honestly sounds like he chased you just so he could break you down and control you. Girl get the f**k OUT

eek2020 −  You have to d**p him. He’s literally insane and this is a**sive in my opinion. 5’4 and 125 is completely average! He’s a complete d**k, you need to have some self respect and break up with him immediately, and stick to it. You’ll be way better off without him. You don’t need to change anything.

You_Talk_Funny −  Send him a picture of Gerald Butler in 300 and if he can’t achieve those results by tomorrow morning, d**p him. You’re only trying to build up his self esteem. He’ll thank you for it eventually.. See what I mean.

[Reddit User] −  Why is he dating me if I’m so unattractive? How do I gain my self esteem back? Why pursue me? Some people like to be manipulating of others and that’s what’s happening here. Leave him & I promise you someone better is out there for you.

BusyLight32 −  That height and weight combination is great, trust me, you will have no problem replacing him, which you should. He is manipulating you and trying to control you behavior and that is what is making you feel down about yourself.

D**p this guy and get someone who appreciates you for who you are. Honestly at this point I don’t want to break up because I feel no one will find me attractive. And that is exactly what he wants so he can hang onto you and control you.

Nic_Giolla −  He probably pursued you because he thought he could manipulate you like this. It’s how people like him work. They target someone they think has a vulnerability they can exploit and then pick at it over and over until it’s a gaping wound.

It’s to make you chase something unattainable, his approval, because he only understands relationships when he has all the power and control. You are better than what he describes, and you deserve better than a g**lighting a**hole for a partner.

MammothPapaya0 −  If this is real and not a troll post you need to d**p his ass. If you can’t do that then at least start sending him links on penis enlargement and how to satisfy for your GF when you are bad at s**.

xoTesfaye −  Leave him, if a man loves you, he will love you for you. This doesn’t mean he won’t care about your health, but the way you’re describing, sounds like he’s not interested in you

Relationships should make us feel loved and valued for who we are, not pressured to change. If you’ve ever been in a similar situation, how did you navigate the pressure to meet unrealistic expectations in a relationship? Do you think self-love can be cultivated despite external criticism? Share your experiences below.