Boyfriend is mean to me when i wake him up

A Reddit user (21F) shares her concerns about her boyfriend’s (22M) troubling sleeping habits and how they affect their relationship. Despite her efforts to help him wake up and stick to commitments.

His behavior when waking up often turns mean-spirited and dismissive, leaving her questioning if she’s overreacting. Read the full story below to explore her dilemma and emotional struggle.

‘ Boyfriend is mean to me when i wake him up’

I (21F) have a boyfriend (22M). We’ve been in a relationship for about six months, so it’s fairly new, but long enough that I really love and care for him! Our relationship is far from perfect, as we had a few problems early on.

However, more recently, it’s been great, minus the normal occasional couple spats where he usually does something wrong and apologizes almost immediately. But one serious conversation keeps coming up: **his sleeping habits.** My boyfriend is a deep sleeper and extremely hard to wake.

He has a very early and demanding job, and his sleeping habits are so concerning that his parents are encouraging us to move in together soon just so someone can make sure he wakes up in the morning.

I work from home late at night, usually from 11 PM to 4 AM, so waking him up is a little out of my schedule, but I wouldn’t mind doing it out of love. However, on weekends, there have been days when he promised to take me somewhere and instead slept all day (for example, from 10 PM to 6 PM the next day).

Yesterday, we went shoe shopping to find dress shoes for his sister’s wedding. He made semi-rude comments throughout, like when I suggested something, he would sarcastically agree but claimed they were just jokes and that he was really tired.

When we got back to my apartment, he immediately asked if we could cuddle in bed and told me that if he fell asleep, not to let him sleep long because he has work the next day. I let him sleep for about half an hour, and when he woke up for a second, he said, “I still have time,” and went back to sleep.

I then let him sleep another 45 minutes and gently woke him up with kisses, but he scooted away from me and muttered something. I let him sleep another 30 minutes, but by then it was getting really late and close to when he should drive home, as he lives about 40 minutes away.

I tried to wake him up, and he stood up to hug me for a second, then told me to stop and got back on the bed. Our dog then licked his face (which he allowed), and he pushed her away aggressively. I told him she didn’t do anything wrong, and he got mad, saying, “Whatever,” and went back to sleep.

I asked him when he wanted me to wake him so he could leave, and he responded with an attitude four times, asking, “What’s that supposed to mean?” before finally saying “whatever” and going back to bed. I then called my best friend and left the apartment briefly to get her opinion on whether I was overreacting or not by being upset.

When I came back inside, I saw him sleepily sitting on the couch, and I asked him to leave. He proceeded to be huffy and upset with me the entire time. I asked him if he was even going to apologize, and he responded, “Well, it’s not like I didn’t know that I needed to,” which doesn’t make sense to me.

This conversation about him being mean to me while he’s sleepy has come up before (in the past, he has physically pushed my hands away from him just to get more sleep).. Am I overreacting?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

dark-toast −  You don’t wake him up. Simple as that. He’s a grown ass man who can set alarms on his phone and wake himself up, especially if he’s going to be a d**k to you about it. Major red flag that his parents even want to pawn him off on you so that you can always wake him up.

If he oversleeps and misses something or has consequences, that’s his fault. I’m a notoriously heavy sleeper and usually set around 5 alarms to ensure I get up, because it’s MY responsibility not anyone else’s

Individual-Foxlike −  The *absolute best* read of this is that your BF has a massive medical issue that isn’t being tended. If he truly *cannot* get up on his own and sleeps that long naturally, he needs to see a doctor as soon as possible to set up a sleep study.

More likely, he’s simply spoiled. The next time it comes up in conversation, say clearly and directly “I will not be waking you up anymore. That is your responsibility.” Then *let it go*. He sleeps through work? Oh well. Sleeps through a party? Oh well.

You are not his parent, and it’s incredibly dangerous to the relationship for you to act like you are. He’s a grown adult, so either he sorts out his own sleep habits or he gets himself to a doctor.

Puzzleheaded_Gear622 −  It’s pretty obvious what’s going on when you told us that his parents are urging you to move in together so that you can make sure he wakes up in the mornings. They spoiled him rotten, he’s not mature or responsible for himself.

Please do not move in with him, you are not his mother and should not assume that role. He needs to live alone to grow up, to take responsibility for his own actions and to learn to wake up on his own and to take care of himself.

Twin2Turbo −  Even without the being mean to you part, why do you want to even be with a guy that sleeps this much , can’t wake up, and therefore that you can’t depend on?

AubergineForestGreen −  Girl if you have to talk to his parents, your friend and now the world about your boyfriends attitude
It’s time for you to wake up and realise he’s not a nice guy

You’re only 6 months in and say you had problems in the ‘beginning’ … 6 months is not a long time this is still classed as the beginning
You can’t go on dates, he’s rude, his parents want to offload him on to you, he’s rough with you dog

If he moves in he’ll blame you for not waking him up. He’ll eventually lose his job and you’ll be guilted into financing him. Dating is to see if you’re compatible, your not compatible. You’re dating a lazy a**hole

Teets814 −  Please don’t move in with him. He sounds mean and n**ty. Being tired is no excuse to be mean. This is the very beginning and you should be on the honeymoon phase!

daisytrench −  You should make this NOT YOUR PROBLEM. You do not want to sign up for a lifetime of angry mornings. Yuck to that. Or maybe you do, I don’t know. Maybe the rest of it is worth it. Dating is all about finding out if you like your life with this person in it.

Obviously you don’t like the angry parts, so my thoughts are that If he can’t wake up to go to work, then he’s in the wrong job. Bottom line, he needs a work schedule that aligns with his sleep schedule. He can keep that job if he wants to, but you no longer want to be his alarm clock.

So what you do is tell him that this is just not working for you. You don’t want to face his anger every morning. You don’t want to worry about him getting to work on time. You sure as hell do not want to be his mother, calling “Timmy!

It’s time to get up! I’m serious! You’re going to miss the bus! Timmmmmyyyyy!” No to all that. If you can’t hold your boundary then perhaps you should not be at his in the morning.

Minute_Exotic −  Nope. This man is not a nice person and at the 6 month mark you should still be in the honeymoon phase, not already justifying his past bad behaviour and now feeling bad about his current behaviour.

He’s not a heavy sleeper he’s an AH and you have to really think about whether you want to spend the rest of your life miserable because he’s slept through something or told you off for waking him up. What if you had kids?!

DefiedGravity10 −  Does he have a sleep condition that doesnt allow him to wake himself up with alarms like everyone else does? It is NOT your job to wake someone from a nap or in time for work, so do not make it your job. The fact that he is MEAN after he literally asked you to wake him up…. makes no sense.. D**p this lazy j**k.

bippityboppitynope −  Girl, RUN. JFC his parents are trying to foist their child off on you. GET OUT.

Do you think his behavior while waking up is a red flag, or could it simply be a result of sleep issues that need addressing? How would you handle the balance between supporting a partner’s challenges and protecting your own emotional well-being? Share your insights and advice below!