Boyfriend is convinced I have been cheating. 36F 36m

 A Reddit user, a 36-year-old woman, is experiencing a toxic and troubling relationship with her boyfriend, who is convinced she is cheating on him. He has taken drastic and invasive actions, such as hiring someone to hack her computer and accuse her of having secret relationships. Despite her repeated denials, he has continued with unfounded accusations, even making bizarre claims about her sexual orientation.

She is now at her breaking point, considering moving out and setting firm boundaries after enduring this behavior for 2.5 years. She is also concerned for his mental well-being but is unsure when it might be appropriate to involve his family!

‘ Boyfriend is convinced I have been cheating. 36F 36m’

My 36F boyfriend 35m has been convinced that I am cheating. He claims he has paid somebody to hack my computer and passwords. And claims he has found my “partners” and dating sites. He claims this is because of old emails I have that I use as back ups to my main account. But is really claiming that the person he paid “exposed me”.

Big problem here is I have not done any of those things. I’ve never cheated, I don’t have dating profiles, hell I barely get to talk to my friends or family because he freaks out. He accused me of being gay because when a female coworker of mine came around he was drunk and high and embarrassing therefore I wasn’t touch with him.

He claims this means I have a secret crush on her and wants to act cool. I tried to explain his behavior was cringy and embarrassing but nope it’s I have a secret crush. I have told him I’m going to move out and won’t tolerate the accusations. Also I gave him until Jan 1 to get a job because in 2.5 years he’s been unemployed for all but maybe 7 months of it total.

And was fired from his last job for an argument with his supervisor. I have devolved into name calling such as “little b**ch” or other “emasculating” terms as he says because the insane accusations are making me nuts and I can’t help to lash back when someone is constantly accusing me of s**tty things.

Recently he found out we got a credit on our power bill but I never deducted that from the amount we put in the joint account. Seeing as we both put the equal $1200 and spend it only on household joint purchases.

He claims I’ve made him pay bills that don’t exist. But it’s just the extra being used for Costco runs Walmart etc. and once again I’m paying equal amount into the joint.. We’ve been dating 2.5 years. I guess my question is when do I call a family member of his because it’s like scary delusional and I’m worried for him?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

bohemianattitude −  My concern is more for you. This doesn’t sound like a safe situation for you to be in. When did he begin this bizarre behavior?

Last_Sale_1022 −  Why would you stay with someone who tells you they think you are an awful human being? I’m sorry you are dealing with this, the moving out is a good idea.

ChuckyJo −  Help me out here… why would you stay with someone who doesn’t trust you, who doesn’t assume the best about you, who doesn’t give you the benefit of the doubt? It’s hard enough in relationships to have to justify or explain stuff you’ve actually done. It would be exhausting to regularly accused of things you’ve haven’t done. Break up. Move on.

Affectionate_Owl_625 −  In my experience, when a man starts to accuse you of cheating with no proof or reason then he is the one cheating. He is distracting you so you would not look to closely at what he is doing.

Angel-4077 −  Call them TODAY warn them you will be leaving him in “x’ number of days and that you think his delusions maybe psychosis and that they may need to monitor him. Also warn your own family & friends of your fears.

Neo1881 −  Here are some lines from a great book that gave me a huge “Aha.” For those who trust, no proof is necessary. For those who don’t, no proof is enough. Your bf does NOT trust you and never will. He spends his time looking for evidence to condemn you. I had an ex who did that to me.

She basically said, “I know you haven’t cheated yet, but I’m sure you will some day.” It took me about 3 years to figure that out and then I realized I did NOT want to spend 5-10 years trying to prove I could be trusted. Don’t waste any more of your time with this l**er. He is working thru his family issues. They have nothing to do with you.

wantful_things −  “Hell I barely get to talk to my friends or family because he freaks out” Yeah that sentence along with wild accusations and spying, AND active addiction(s)? Get f**king gone. Before you call his family, which you should do eventually, call your own. Or friends.

Anyone you feel safe with, let them know you are leaving him and see if someone will help you GTFO. These are all big bad things that usually lead to worse. Please leave. Please be safe. Good luck.

ParticularNo4489 −  Is your boyfriend on drugs? Specifically meth? Because what in the f**k? Paid someone to hack your passwords?? I’m being serious. I am not being funny. Or does he have some type of delusions?

cerebus67 −  These are the signs of an abusive relationship. He is alienating you from friends and family, so that you don’t have any external support system, or people to question his behavior and how he treats you. Because any friend that is privy to what you described is going to tell you to get out. If you only feel like you have him, it becomes more scary to leave.

All of this is about control and breaking down your will that would challenge him and the way that he treats you. The dangerous part is when he feels that he has you locked down, particularly engagements, marriage and pregnancy. That is when this can escalate to physical violence. Even if that weren’t to happen, his current behavior is emotionally abusive and controlling.

Alittlebittiredof −  Tell his family NOW and get out asap

Do you think the user should call his family for help, or should she handle the situation differently? How would you navigate a relationship where trust has broken down so severely, and mental health concerns may be at play? Share your thoughts below and join the discussion!