boyfriend can’t plan ahead and i’m so sad he

A 25-year-old woman is feeling disappointed and unappreciated by her 24-year-old boyfriend, who consistently refuses to take the initiative when it comes to planning dates, anniversaries, or holidays. Despite her reminders, he failed to request time off for her birthday, leaving her feeling neglected. She questions if this relationship dynamic is worth continuing. Read the full story below.

‘ boyfriend can’t plan ahead and i’m so sad he’

my (f25) boyfriend (m24) (together almost 3 years) leaves all dates/anniversaries/holidays planning up to me. he’ll suggest we should do something and tells me i should “pick some days”. if i ask him to plan something he says he’s “not good at it”.

i admit im pretty organized and love to plan ahead, but im not asking for his five year plan im asking him to set up literally anything on his own. he wont do it. he’s not good at it, he’s forgetful, etc. he never forgets to make plans to play games and stick with them of course.

i have to hound him to make sure he requests time off at work for plans that i’ve made for us. he often forgets to put the requests in and gets scheduled to work, so he either has to get his schedule moved around or, when that’s not possible, move or cancel the plans altogether.

my birthday is coming up. it’s the same day every year. i reminded him one time the days i’d have off so we could have my birthday off together, and maybe another day or two together, totally up to him which days.

he requested none of them off, and is working all the days i have off around my birthday. i didn’t even plan anything because i knew this would happen. i feel so disappointed and this would not be the first time this type of conversation has come up. am i wasting my time at this point?

tldr; my boyfriend says he “doesn’t know how” to make plans, and got scheduled at work on my birthday when he knew to take time off for it because i didn’t lay out the plan and do it for him.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

AnOutrageousCloud −  Honey, if he wanted to, he would. He does not care about you enough to ask for a day off. Move on. You deserve so much better 

sandyduncansglasseye −  You said it yourself- he has no problems making plans for things he wants to do. His weaponized incompetence is because he’s lazy and doesn’t really care about you. How long are you going to put up with this?

kgberton −  if i ask him to plan something he says he’s “not good at it” And when you respond with “this isn’t an excuse that even makes sense because it’s not talent, it’s just effort”, what does he say?

incognitothrowaway1A −  You are not his secretary. You are not him mommy. Just STOP

gingerlorax −  It’s called weaponized incompetence – he feigns being bad at planning (literally a dog could plan a date) because he knows you will just give in and do it for him. He doesn’t like you.

Evie_St_Clair −  You’re not a priority to him. You said yourself he is capable of planning when it’s something he finds valuable.

arewethreyet727 −  Maybe I’m just old, these kind of posts break my heart, and I just don’t get it. Married 40 yrs and my partner always treated me like a princess (a poor one for many years). He still does such kind things for me, and me for him, and special occasions, he so thoughtful and generous.. Come on ladies, know your worth

echosiah −  Yes, you’re wasting your time. He doesn’t care. He’s not forgetful or confused or mistaken. He has a job, you’ve said. So he is an adult who can at least function enough to do that. So why can he not show literal basic consideration for his girlfriend on major days? (Though frankly I’m guessing he doesn’t show that on other days either.). Say it with me. HE DOES NOT CARE.

You don’t need to find the right magic words to fix it. That’s not a thing. Break up and date someone who…cares. Minimally. Please learn this lesson about this guy, and guys in general, right now. Read this subreddit about allllll these OPs who want to try and fix their relationships and they can’t, because the simple answer is their partner doesn’t care and it’s never going to change.

Divine_in_Us −  To me lack of effort means lack of love. When you love someone, you want to do things to make them happy. The fact that he doesn’t want to put any reminders or any effort in doing things for you, says a lot.

Specially when you have asked him. If your loved one told you that they would like you to plan one date, just one outing, and you say no- what kind of a thoughtless attitude would that be? He honestly does not seem like a good or invested partner.

a_mulher −  Plan something for your birthday with friends or just for yourself. Don’t let his lack of trying affect you. Consider giving yourself an internal deadline of how long he has to fix this before you move on. You’ve told him it’s an issue. And he has yet to even attempt to correct it.

It’s tough when expectations aren’t met in a relationship, especially when effort feels one-sided. Have you ever been in a situation where your partner’s lack of initiative affected you? How did you handle it? Share your thoughts below!