Boyfriend (28m) found out how much money I (28f) have, he wants me to pay off for a house for us as well as a new car and fund a trip for him to go abroad, should I end it?

A Reddit user (28F) shared that her boyfriend (28M) has started making requests for expensive gifts and experiences after discovering her financial situation. He has asked her to fund a luxury car, pay for a house, and cover a trip for him to Europe, all of which have made her uncomfortable.

Although she has been generous in the past, she questions whether it’s reasonable for him to expect these things, especially since they aren’t engaged. She’s now wondering if this is a red flag and if it’s enough of a reason to end the relationship.

‘ Boyfriend (28m) found out how much money I (28f) have, he wants me to pay off for a house for us as well as a new car and fund a trip for him to go abroad, should I end it?’

I want to make it clear that I’ve always spent money on my boyfriend, buying him nice things and what not. He got his PS4 and new gaming PC because of me. My boyfriend however found out that I have a good amount of money and has started to be quite weird about it.

Several times he’s referred to my money as our money and using our money to buy him the luxury car he’s dreamt of having, he wants us to move out of separate apartments and get a house together and has said instead of getting him a small Christmas gift that I should fund a trip for him to see Europe.

(I’m from Italy and have family in Bulgaria, Croatia and The Netherlands) and he is from Canada. Buying the luxury car, it’s less whether I can afford it and more that seems like something you get your husband or wife and not your boyfriend of 3 years.

The house I can understand, if we were engaged or something but we aren’t though he has talked about marriage several times in the past few months and finally yes, I can afford a trip for both of us to tour Europe but whereas it’s something I might have thought of for us to do before,

he only brought this up after finding out that I do have the money to pay for it. Is this reason enough to break up with him? tl;dr bf found out I have money and suddenly our relationship and the things he wants all stem from that

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

RememberKoomValley −  Is this reason enough to break up with him? You never, ever need a “good reason” to break up with someone. “I don’t think I want to be in a relationship with you” is enough. They don’t need to be bad people, they just need to be not-right for you, and you get to decide what right is.

That said, absolutely this is a good reason! You’re not an ATM! And the “Our money” thing is a big red flag. It’s not “Our money,” it’s your money, and if he starts thinking that things belong to you just because you’re dating him, that’s a big problem.

het33 −  I think the way he reacted is telling. Asking you to buy him a car is WAY overboard. If it were me, I probably wouldn’t break up with him just for that. I would start with a conversation about money/finances.

I would explain that you are looking to keep things separate and he is in no way entitled to your money. Think about if you truly want a future with someone like him. It sucks that it becomes a problem in relationships. How did he find out about it?

[Reddit User] −  Start talking about pre-nups. Watch him freak out. Then you have your answer

NightOwlEye −  I’d drop him for this. It sounds like as soon as he found out you had money, he went into full-on demanding gold-digger mode. Yuck. It’d be one thing if you wanted to do these things for him, but he’s got no right to demand you lavish your money on him.

limbertumber −  How did he find out about you having money? Is he seriously asking you for a luxury car?! I don’t want to automatically say d**p him, but the fact that you suggest dumping him makes me wonder how healthy and happy you are in the relationship and how things were going before he found out about your money.

You’ve been together for 3 years. Were you being treated well? Were you happy? Did he hold down a job consistently? Did he give you gifts of equal value? Had he changed his behavior since finding our about the money?

If he’s really broke maybe he’s just immature and excited about seeing more possibilities for fun in the future, but than in itself is kinda worrisome, because it seems he might be into spending your money little more than you are. I’d recommend making sure you protect your funds from him if you do decide to continue.

nighthawkphenom −  One of my favorite sayings- money doesn’t change people, it shows you who they really are.

CinderellaElla −  I see a lot of “he” and not “ours” or “us.”. You got yourself a golddigger.

Billigerent −  Jesus everyone is so quick to scream “END IT!” on here. Have you talked to him about this? Set boundaries? If you haven’t, try telling him something along the lines of “This is my money. If I WANT to spend it on things for you or us, I will. If you ask me to spend thousands on you, I will not.

Do not ask me to buy things for you or I will leave. You are an adult. If you want a luxury car, start saving.” Do NOT tell him that it will be “our” money once you get married unless you want him to marry you for your money. In fact, tell him that even after marriage, it will be yours.

Consider a prenup. Even if you plan to merge finances after marriage, don’t tell him that. Of course, if you’ve already tried many times to talk to him, he’s been selfish in other ways, or you generally want to leave him- go ahead! If you want to end things you are free to do so.

plutonium743 −  He is in no way entitled to your money, even though he’s acting like he is. If you were living together and he said “Hey can you cover more of the shared expenses since it won’t put you out and can alleviate some of my financial burden?”, that I could understand.

But he’s literally acting like you owe him money just because you are in a relationship with him. tl;dr He pretty much sees you as his free ATM.

icedtia −  Wow, I’ve been with my husband for eight years and even I felt a little guilty when we started talking about getting me a new (used) car this year since he’s the income earner. I can’t even imagine asking a boyfriend/girlfriend of three years for a new luxury car.

Then you add the house and “Christmas present vacation” on top of that? He sounds incredibly greedy. I do have a couple of questions though: Did you have any shared expenses before this? When you go out for meals or dates do you split things, trade off paying, or does one of you regularly pay?

Have you two ever had a discussion about finances before? I guess in my opinion that seems like something that should have come up at least once in the past three years, especially if you’ve talked about marriage and buying a house together.

How does he spend his own money? Is he constantly buying things for himself? Does he ever reciprocate the large gift giving that you do for him? (Like the PS4 and computer.) I think from the way you’ve described things the majority of the fault lies in him.

He honestly sounds like he’s either very bad with money or just trying to take advantage of you. That said I feel like finances are something you HAVE to be honest and communicate about. Like I said, I can’t imagine going three years in a relationship with someone and never having even a casual “So how much do you make?” conversation.