Am I Wrong for Ignoring My Ex-Fiancé After Refusing Her Dowry Demand?

A 31-year-old man recently ended his engagement after his fiancé, 27, demanded a substantial dowry, citing “trust issues with men.” Despite providing financial stability, a ring, and support for her future education, he couldn’t agree to her excessive demands.

Though they mutually ended the relationship, she now bombards him with messages questioning his manhood and blaming him for the fallout. He seeks clarity on whether ignoring her and moving on is the right approach. Read the full story below:

‘ Am I Wrong for Ignoring My Ex-Fiancé After Refusing Her Dowry Demand?’

She would be covered for expenses, no need to invest in a house, could take up a new study because she didn’t like her old one. Got a ring with a stone, no financial concerns, and still demanded money because ‘general trust issues towards men’ exceeding far what’s even traditionally done.

So, after she basically told me ‘go ask around and fetch me some extra money, because i can’t sell myself short’, i asked around just in case, concluded that this is nuts and extremely toxic. Talked things over with her, and decided to end things there to which she initially agreed to in the moment.

Now my phone is glowing hot, missed calls, a slur of messages, doubting my manhood, how i hurt her, that you need to talk these things over in a relationship, but never an apology for how she treated me. Pretty damn mildly infuriating how i’m experiencing this verbal abuse…

Just a side note, she never exibited any ‘gold-digger’ vibes, these ‘vibes’ if you’d like to call them that, only came up in the last second, my suspicion is that it’s not even her wish but she was talked into this… (she won’t tell me)

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

indiajeweljax −  Dude. Change your number.. Let her text into the void.

Schrodingers_Dude −  You dodged the crazy. You did it. You’re free. Please do not step back into the path of the bullet.

loeloebee −  What’s with this dowry stuff? What country are you in?

Kattoncrack −  Tell her to kick sand. You tried and what you did wasn’t good enough for her, and she had the audacity to ask for more, I’d leave too! You’re not a paypig. If she wants that she should find a sugar daddy, not a regular guy who wants to love her and settle down. You don’t deserve the way she’s treating you, she seems to be a low empathy person anyways.

Jays1982 −  The “sucking up” type of manipulation didn’t work. Now she’s going for the “Insult his manhood” type of manipulation which is the equivalent of “what’s the matter? Are you chicken?” Of schoolyard children.

Particular_Sock_2864 −  You’re still trying to make excuses for her that she was talked into this gold digger thing and it’s not het wish. It’s her, it’s what she does. Even if she was talked into it, would you like to have a wife that’s influenced that easily against you making your life horrible? Would you?
Change your number and ghost her like you invented that. 

Nanny_Ogg1000 − explaining the cultural context for dowries specific to Morocco. It’s a nuanced negotiation and culturally normal. It’s as normal as the groom getting the bride an engagement ring in the West.

As to whether his potential bride is being unreasonably greedy or not, that’s not something Western observers can readily gauge. Having said that, that she is aggressive enough to taunt and question his manhood as part of this discussion is a red flag in any culture.

FreezingEuronymous −  If *any* woman tells you you’re “not a man” or to “man up”, immediately cease contact with them for your own mental being.

PTSSuperFunTimeVet −  Since she never exhibited those gold-digger traits, her family is probably putting her up to it. think this may prove to be a problem. If she is this susceptible to her family’s demands, I think this will never go away. I would have to think of how this could possibly turn out if you ever have children together.. I would pass on her.

You sound like a very levelheaded person and a great catch. You can find someone with your temperament and virtues. She sounds absolutely toxic. At the end of the day, she is the one verbally abusing you. This is never acceptable behavior.

Good luck! Please follow your gut instincts in this girl. I think you know she is unacceptable and undesirable as a partner. I also think she would not think twice to bad-mouth you to your children, her friends, and anyone who would listen. You deserve respect and loving support.

Snoozing2020 −  What advice are you seeking? (I dont mean this In a bad way). You let her go you are not obligated to answer. The relationship is over.
That said. If you are asking a perspective on why things wen this way I can offer some advice from a woman.

Now mind you these are things that come to mind and you dont state things like cultural backgrounds, age, or how long you’ve been dating so I’m throwing some ideas out: My X was like this. But I had my own money too, so it never worked out for him.

I’ve encountered a certain “group” if you will, of men that do this. They want to buy the house, the car, the this the that. BUT the catch is it’s all in their name. “My girl is covered”. These types of men usually look for a woman with substantially less income than they make as well.

She lives in a house in his name, a car in his name, everything is in his name. In many senses she can’t leave b/c she will get nothing b/c the man keeps his $ separate and can kick her out when hes ready. I’ve seen it happen. The man can also cheat b/c he keeps all his finances separate and hides it.

I’ve seen this many times b/c since I’ve been widowed young and I’ve met men on dating apps (had a brief stint where I tried them) and I discovered how these married men hide they’re married, cheat and pull this lifestyle off. Or they hide addictions like a**oholism, drugs, you name it.

All while the woman is tied at home with golden handcuffs b/c she cant really leave b/c while he pays for day to day stuff she’s serving him and everything in his hame, she has no real access to any money aside what he gives her.

I’m not sure if thats what you were doing, but this “might” have been what she was getting at, or it “might” be where shes coming from. She might have poorly been expressing an issue over these types of things. Obviously I’m generalizing so the only way to know is to talk to her about what her deal is.

If you are so inclined to talk to her I would sit down and ask what her concerns are directly. Why does she need separate $ from you? What is she worried about? It doesnt sound like you guys sat down and had a real conversation about any of that and maybe it should have happened.

Your post comes off assuming “shes ok b/c shes covered”. Well maybe she doesnt feel that way. IMO asking for a large lump sum payment isnt really right on her part unless there is some cultural aspect to it you are not stating.

Aside of a cultural aspect it comes off as greedy, like a gold digger and it is indicative of how she will act when you are married IMO. The problem would probably get worse. if there is no cultural aspect I would say you dodged a bullet.

If she feels shes selling herself short with you, you dont want to marry her anyways. Usually if you are fighting this much now it will get worse. If you decide to marry her I’d recommend a good pre marriage counselor so you can talk about goals and things. Or if not with her I’d recommend it with whomever your next future wife may be.

It’s always good to smoke these things out beforehand. You may have dodged a bullet here. One thing I’ll point out after re reading your post is you said she “demanded more $ than is traditionally done” but she also has “no gold digger vibes”.

Why dont you block her for a day and take 24 hours to think bout what you want to do to proceed. You have provided really limited info here so it’s hard to offer much advice beyond generalizations.

This story highlights the clash between traditional expectations and personal boundaries in relationships. Was the man right to draw the line, or should he have tried harder to resolve the situation? Is his decision to move on justified, given the ongoing verbal abuse? How would you handle such a dilemma? Share your perspective below!