Am I the a-hole for refusing to give my estranged father the inheritance my mother left me?

A Reddit user is grappling with her estranged father’s demand for a portion of the inheritance her late mother left solely to her. The father, who abandoned the family years ago after an affair and contributed little to her upbringing, claims he’s “fallen on hard times” and insists she should give him financial help as his daughter. The user refused, citing her mother’s explicit wishes and their painful history. In response, the father has lashed out and enlisted family members to pressure her, leaving her questioning whether she’s being selfish or standing her ground.

‘ Am I the a-hole for refusing to give my estranged father the inheritance my mother left me?’

My mother passed away earlier this year, and it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. She was my rock, my best friend, and my only real parent. My father (56M) walked out on us when I was 10. He had an affair, left us with almost nothing, and barely stayed in touch. Growing up, he only sent the occasional birthday card or made a token call at Christmas.

Fast forward to now: My mother worked tirelessly to provide for me and even managed to leave me a small inheritance when she passed. It’s not life-changing money, but it’s enough to help me pay off some debts and start saving for a house. She was adamant in her will that the money was to go to me and me alone.

Enter my father. The moment he found out about the inheritance, he came out of the woodwork, saying he’s “fallen on hard times” and needs financial help. He’s been asking me to “do the right thing” and give him a portion of the money. His reasoning? “I’m still your father, and family takes care of each other.”

I refused. I told him this money was my mother’s last gift to me, and she wouldn’t want me to give it to him. He exploded, calling me ungrateful, selfish, and saying I need to “let go of the past.” He’s since recruited other family members to guilt me, saying I’m abandoning him when he needs me most.

Some relatives think I’m in the right, given how he treated us, but others argue that I should be the “bigger person” and help him out, especially since he’s struggling. I feel torn, but I can’t shake the feeling that giving him this money would be a betrayal of my mother’s memory. Am I being selfish for refusing, or is he just trying to manipulate me again?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

lurninandlurkin −  NTA. Funny that the guy that walked out on his wife and child and didn’t take care of you, is the first one to cry that “family takes care of each other). Do what your mum wanted and live your best life.

Greedy_Camp_5561 −  There are a lot of posts here that describe an absurdly clear and one sided scenario. Then they mention the phrase “bigger person”, always in quotation marks. Are they all written by the same AI?

CannibalAnn −  NTA. He can stay estranged.

VegetableBusiness897 −  Tell him to pray all his back child support and you’ll think about a loan….

Brust_Flusterer −  OP…I’m just gonna call b**lshit on everything attached to your name from now on.. I call them like I see them.

maddog_59 −  Who makes these b**lshit situations up. Give him your inheritance because if this is real, you sound like a fuckin i**ot.

WifeofBath1984 −  Do you just go through AITAH and steal people’s posts??? 1 day ago you posted about an emergency c section at your sisters wedding 32 min ago you posted about kicking your brother out for bringing his snake to your house. 28 min ago, you posted this. Then you posted it again

Calm_Relative6914 −  You know he’s g**lighting and manipulating you. So there’s really no need to think about it. Honor your mom’s will and don’t think about what your father thinks or say. Merry Christmas OP.

Vegetable-Cod-2340 −  NTA. It would be a betrayal, and please knwo the money is the ONLY reason he even contacted you. Don’t give in, he’ll survive just like he has all these years before. People like him always find a way to survive, usually by taking advantage of others, if he doesn’t take the money from you, he takes the someone else money some other way.

Worst case scenario have those people demanding you be the bigger person bail him out. P.S. I find it hilarious that the man that didn’t raise you is calling you ungrateful. Op, he doesn’t know you well enough to make calls about your character.

Flatulent_Opposum −  NTA. You should offer him the exact same amount of support he gave you and your mom. If you want to be a bit petty you might consider getting him a card putting in a tenner and have a note saying you’ll call to say merry Xmas every three years.