Am I making a mistake marrying this man?

A Reddit user shared a heartfelt story about her struggles with her fiancé, whom she’s been with for over four years. Recently, he’s been experiencing feelings of detachment, focusing solely on her flaws and becoming distant.

While he’s taking steps like therapy and scheduling a psychiatrist appointment, she feels like she’s begging for his love and wonders if she’s making a mistake by marrying him. Read the full story below for more context and advice.

‘ Am I making a mistake marrying this man? ‘

I (29F) have dated my fiancé (29M) for over four years, we’ve lived together for three years. Lately (past six months) he has been struggling with feeling “triggered” by everything I do.

He explains it as getting stuck in this negative cycle where he can ONLY focus on my flaws and and things he dislikes about me (things I can not control or change) it makes him not want to be around me.

I told him he needed to figure this out if we are going to get married and he started therapy theee months ago. Yesterday he revealed that he is still struggling with this. He is cold to me stand offish when he feels this way.

He made an appointment to see a psychiatrist and believes it may be depression. It feels like I’m begging him to love me. Does anyone have any expierience with a situation like this and/or can offer advice?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

lostpostcards −  You should believe him instead of trying to accommodate him.

Cold_Brew_Enthusiast −  I was him. I was engaged to an objectively wonderful guy, and then out of nowhere… I couldn’t stand to be around him. I was cold towards him, even though I didn’t WANT to be. I was annoyed by everything he did and said.

I went to counseling and asked my therapist, “How do I make myself feel the way I used to feel about him? Can my feelings come back?” My therapist told me honestly that her experience is that when loving feelings go away… they tend not to come back.

And ultimately, that’s what happened. I tried my hardest but I never regained my feelings. Possibly it was that I subconsciously knew he wasn’t right for me and my subconscious was pushing him away before my conscious mind realized what was happening.

I was in denial for a few months but finally did end it because, when push came to shove, I just wasn’t in love with him anymore. It wasn’t depression. I just didn’t love him. He was and is a great man, he got married and had children with someone else and I’m really happy for him.

I also met someone else and got married, and my feelings have never wavered once. That fiance was not right for me, that’s all there was to it. I don’t know you or your boyfriend but… what’s happening isn’t a good sign. And no matter how much you beg, if his feelings are gone, begging won’t change it.

Sure, it could be depression… maybe… possibly. But even depressed people can still love their partners and show love to their partners. And also, depression (in my experience) makes people flat,

where they don’t feel much of anything other than heavy and sad… his active feelings of annoyance and focusing on your flaws… that doesn’t sound like depression as I have ever experienced it.. Good luck to you.

Cherry_bomb_pompom −  Please. Don’t marry this man. It’s not too late to not settle. I promise.

KamilKiri −  You know you’re not obligated to get married? Just give it a time maybe it’ll become better or therapy will finally help…if not, you know what to do – life is too short to get stuck with the person who doesn’t love you back.

mawkish −  How should I proceed?. Make an exit plan.

ws_pursuivant −  Am I making a mistake marrying this man?. I don’t know you, but yes.

ChillWisdom −  Around 4 years is one of the common breaking points of a marriage. All the newness has worn off and if there isn’t a deep connection, it falls apart. It sounds like this is the case since he is picking you apart for perceived flaws.

You can love someone and not be compatible for a life together. It’s time to find someone who thinks you get more perfect as time goes by, and not less. It does exist.

Far-Cup9063 −  Believe him and end it. Sounds like he got cold feet and this is his way out. Sorry.

scorpiana14 −  I was this way to my partner when I was going thru severe depression. Through my own treatment and coping, I was able to manage the depression and the negative thought cycle was also alleviated. My relationship improved so much once my own mental health improved.

But I had to be super honest about my symptoms and feelings to my partner, that way he understood the problem and was able to support me and our relationship. It takes work from both parties, as well as being vulnerable and transparent about everything.

LafayetteJefferson −  You would be destroying your life by marrying this man.

Do you think the user should continue supporting her fiancé through his struggles, or is this a red flag for their future together? How would you navigate such a challenging situation in a relationship? Share your thoughts below!