Am I getting tired of my girlfriend?

A 22-year-old man is questioning if he’s growing tired of his 20-year-old girlfriend after nearly three years together. The excitement and attraction he once felt seem to have faded, and he’s finding it harder to connect with her emotionally and physically.

Despite her promises, she hasn’t worked on her weight, which has affected their physical relationship. Additionally, her numerous traumas and constant need for reassurance when in public have become tiring for him.

He also feels frustrated by her expectations of communication and feels pressured by her close-knit family dynamics, which he’s not familiar with. read the original story below…

‘ Am I getting tired of my girlfriend?’

Me (22M) and my girlfriend (20F) have been together now for almost three years, but it almost feels like obligation to be with her now. I don’t get overly excited anymore when seeing her or talking to her. There isn’t much excitement in whatever we do. We have discussions about stuff more often than ever.

Since we started dating she has gained a lot of weight. I on the other hand go to the gym 3/4 a week and besides that I do football (or soccer) 3 times a week, so I would say I’m quite fit. We talked about it and she says she will work on it but eventually never does.

It kind of annoys me since I feel almost no physical attraction anymore.  Another thing is her traumas. Every time she sees an old person she gets scared because she once saw an old person fall, every time we have to take an escalator she’s scared because she once saw someone fall on an escalator.

And I could go on about a lot more of these traumas. It makes me really tired that every time when we’re in public I have to take all of this into account.
Because when I don’t take all of it into account she gets mad at me and asks me why I don’t ask her if she feels well every time we’re going somewhere.

It annoys me because I don’t always notice these traumas, and sometimes I just don’t even think about them. Also I would have to remember so many of these traumas. She also says I don’t communicate well with her. She says I have to ask a lot more when we see each other in person.

When we’re not together (we don’t live together), and she has gone somewhere etc, I ask her over text how it was and what she has done. She then proceeds to not tell me everything, and expects me to ask her again when we see each other IRL so she can tell me the other stuff she hasn’t told me over text.

Is it my fault for expecting her to tell me everything over text when I ask her about her day?  I’ve never had a real close family, but my gf has a really close one. So some habits which are more standard for people with close families I’m not very familiar with.

She gets really annoyed with me when I don’t live up to these standards. I try really hard to remember everything but its just something new for me, and because of that I sometimes forget some small things.

It feels like everytime I go with her somewhere like to her family I have to walk through a checklist in my head otherwise she might get annoyed with me again.

Check out how the community responded:

Blyndde −  A relationship should be an enjoyable experience. You get one life, is this the kind of relationship you really want to spend it on?

sweadle −  You’re not obligated to date her. You can break up for any reason. “I’m not enjoying this anymore” is a fine reason. You were young when you met and started dating. Very few people stay with the person they started dating as a teenager.

Both-Kitchen-1571 −  If you neither find her attractive nor enjoy spending time with her, what’s the point of dating? Stop wasting both your times

Kiwi951 −  Holy s**t that relationship sounds exhausting. It’s clear you’re starting to resent the relationship and I don’t blame you. Bro you’re only 22, break up and move on and find someone who will be a much better match for you.

Also she needs to get into therapy asap and take a break from dating for a while while she works through her issues

AnOutrageousCloud −  It definitely sounds like this relationship has run its course and you’re done. Not telling you the whole story and expecting you to ask her the same question again is so silly and childish.

IceAdministrative33 −  If you’re posting on here that’s probably a sign. That and the 0 physical attraction

LemonDeathRay −  You’ve written a very long post about all the things you dont like about her, and you’re waiting for a bunch of strangers to tell you it’s ok to break up.. It’s ok to break up.

Rarycaris −  So some habits which are more standard for people with close families I’m not very familiar with. It sounds equally likely that she has a lot of habits she \*thinks\* are normal and expected around family, but actually sound and feel batshit crazy to people who aren’t in that specific family, and this experience gap has trained you to overrule your own judgement on this.

Frankly, the level of neuroticism you’re describing here (a ridiculously long list of arbitrary rules for socialising and being basically unable to exist in public without being constantly PTSD-triggered) in your early 20s is very often an indication of an incredibly dysfunctional family situation.

I’d probably be tired of your girlfriend too, based on the way you’re describing her — this basically reads like you are her full time carer.

Infinitiscarf −  I would consider keeping all these concerns to yourself this time and then posting them on Reddit as part of the communication problem she may be citing, but like everyone else said you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to

drPmakes −  Sounds more like she expects you to be her mum than her boyfriend and to be honest she sounds exhausting. If her traumas are such a big deal she should get professional help for them, that’s her responsibility. You can walk away if this isn’t what you want anymore. It sounds like tge resentment is starting to build

Relationships evolve, and it’s normal to go through phases of doubt. Have you ever experienced a similar situation where you felt disconnected or overwhelmed? How did you handle it? Share your thoughts below!