Am i for refusing to weigh myself in front of my partner?

In relationships, vulnerabilities can become battlegrounds—especially when it comes to personal insecurities. For one woman, weight has always been a sensitive topic. After gaining over 10 kg during a tough period of COVID, work stress, and grief, her fiancé issued an ultimatum: lose 4 kg by her birthday or the wedding is off—and he demanded to know her starting weight. Overwhelmed and deeply hurt,

she eventually confided her weight and even sought professional help. Despite working hard to shed some pounds, the situation escalated when, on her birthday morning, he insisted she re-weigh herself naked in front of him. For her, that moment felt like yet another act of humiliation and control. When she refused, he accused her of not caring about his safety concerns, and their relationship ultimately broke down. But is she in the wrong for refusing his demand?

‘ Am i for refusing to weigh myself in front of my partner?’

Expert Opinion

Relationship and boundary-setting expert Dr. Emily Reynolds explains, “When one partner uses an ultimatum that targets your insecurities—especially regarding something as personal as weight—it becomes less about safety and more about control. Refusing to expose yourself in a way that makes you feel vulnerable is a completely reasonable boundary.” Dr. Reynolds adds that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and support,

not on demands that force one to compromise their dignity. “Offering to find a compromise, such as providing other information or paying for an independent background check, shows willingness to be transparent without sacrificing personal integrity. When a partner refuses any compromise and insists on behavior that causes emotional distress, it’s a red flag for deeper issues.”

Many psychologists also stress that ultimatums based on personal attributes like weight are inherently manipulative. “Your body is your own, and no one should be forced to expose themselves as a test of trust,” notes relationship therapist Karen Mitchell. “It’s important to recognize when a partner’s demands are less about genuine care and more about imposing control.”

 

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit users had varied reactions, with many sympathizing with her stance. One common sentiment was, “You’re not the A**hole—you have every right to protect your emotional well-being.” Several commenters noted that his demand crossed a line into manipulation and humiliation,

highlighting that healthy relationships allow for compromise without forcing one to expose their vulnerabilities in an invasive way. Others pointed out that while concerns about safety are valid, the method of addressing them should never compromise personal dignity. Overall, the community largely agreed that her refusal was justified.

This story isn’t simply about a weigh-in—it’s about the boundaries we set in our most personal spaces and how we expect our partners to treat our vulnerabilities with respect. When a request makes you feel exposed and controlled, it’s important to listen to your feelings.

What do you think? Is it fair to refuse such a demand, or should one always find a way to compromise, even when it hurts? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Let’s discuss what trust and respect in a relationship really mean.