AITAH that my husband is planning to go on a dinner date with a long term ex?

A Redditor expresses her feelings of insecurity and frustration over her husband, Jack, planning to go on a dinner date with his long-term ex, Emma. Despite their history and her husband’s comments about feeling a connection with Emma, the user worries about her husband’s intentions and the implications for their marriage. Read the full story below to see if you think her concerns are valid.

‘ AITAH that my husband is planning to go on a dinner date with a long term ex?’

I really need input from people who don’t know us, so their opinions aren’t biased. I’m very emotional and tired, so I apologize in advance for any typos.

My husband, Jack (M, 36), used to date Emma (F, 34) for years. They broke up because Jack didn’t want to get married or have kids. Emma moved away, and about a month later, Jack met me (F, 30). I don’t look like the typical girls Jack had been dating.

For example, Emma is super tall, blonde with blue eyes, and has a PhD. I’m petite (110 lbs and short), I’m a nurse, I have dark curly hair, and I’m an introvert. Apparently, she was a social butterfly.

Jack has a group of friends that he’s known since childhood. They are like brothers to him, but from the very beginning, they didn’t like me. They still call me the “rebound girl.” At our wedding, during his best man’s speech, he joked, “We all thought rebound girls were temporary, but our brother Jack made an honest woman out of her.”

Everyone laughed; I didn’t. They also joke that I’m “just a nurse” and that Jack downgraded (since he has a PhD technically postdoctoral ) from a doctor to “just a nurse.” For my own sanity, I ignore them, and Jack still hangs out with them regularly.

Last weekend, there was a fundraising gala, and Emma was there. I saw her for the first time in person. Jack introduced me, and Emma said, “Yeah, I know who she is! The guys weren’t kidding when they described her, haha!”

Jack quickly changed the topic and asked how long she was in town. She said for a week, and then they ended up chatting all night, reminiscing about old times. I decided to talk to other people.

Later, at bedtime, Jack mentioned that he should go out to dinner with Emma. I assumed he meant inviting her over, so I asked what kind of food she likes so I could make it. He said no, it would just be the two of them. I asked, “Like a date?” and he replied, “No, just two friends going to dinner. Why are you so insecure?”

I asked him, “Do you miss her? Do you miss being with her?” He said, “I’m not going to lie, it felt great talking to her tonight. There’s just something about her.”

I got really upset and told him he can do whatever he wants, but if he goes on this dinner date, I’m done. He thinks I’m overreacting and being insecure. So, wise people of Reddit, is this “rebound girl” overreacting?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

DogTheBotHunter −  Is this for real?
How could literally anyone think they’re the a**hole in a situation where their husband is going on a date with an ex?
Or how could anyone find it ever appropriate to say someone made an “honest man/woman” out of anyone else?

eightmarshmallows −  Your husband and his friends haven’t shown a lot of respect for you or your marriage. How long have you been with him and dealing with this? How long is he going to let this go on?

Emalena0 −  NTA if my husband went on that date I’d be done.

GreenTeaShaman −  He said this to you “I’m not going to lie, it felt great talking to her tonight. There’s just something about her.”
Hell no. No chance he goes on this date. NTA.

Ready-Zombie5635 −  NTA – the ‘rebound girl’ is not overreacting. At best your husband is being a bit insensitive. Plus she sounds like she was rude to you and the other people, s**ew them too.

theworldisonfire8377 −  6 months down the road we’ll get the update: “Shocker! He’s been cheating on me with his ex since they hung out months ago” Please don’t be one of those gullible women who let their husband gaslight them into believing that this nonsense is normal.

Good lord. If you were going to dinner with an ex, would he have an issue with it? If he asked you if there was anything to worry about and you said “there’s just something about him”, you think he’d brush that off? Come on…
Either this is rage bait or you’re ridiculously naive.

mschnzr −  Here is what you can ask and tell your husband:
• Ask him if Emma would be taking care of him and cook for him during time he had cancer?

• Ask him who took care of his at his lowest time of his life?• Ask him if his friends would be taking care of him when he had cancer?
• Ask him why all these time he could have married her and he didn’t?
• Ask him if he is insecure himself because Emma has a PhD and an extrovert/ social butterfly?

And you should tell his friends every time they make fun of him of you, if you weren’t a nurse, he would be so well taken care of? And ask him if they would willing to take care of your husband instead and outs during his cancer treatments? If they couldn’t, tell them to shut the f**k up.

And for you, your job as a nurse is not one can easily filled. It takes alot of a person to be a nurse. He married you because you are way more than Emma with a PhD. Just because someone has a high education degree doesn’t mean he/she is a marriage materials.

Jack’s family values you is because they see you and your good traits and characters. A tall blonde, blue eyes with a PhD doesn’t mean that person will get to the finish line.. But YOU DID! Held your head up high. Let him go. But ask him these questions first.

MaryEFriendly −  “Why won’t you let me go in a date with my ex, who all of my friends compare you to and insult you over?? GOD. YOURE SO INSECURE.”

Has your d**che bag of a husband ever defended you? Has he ever gone to the mat for you? Has he ever expressed to those assholes how much he loves and values you? I don’t blame you for being done.
If he goes you need to follow through because that means seeing her is more important to him that his marriage to you. 

No-Consequence3985 −  NTA. Why are you with a man who continually disrespects you? Why are you with a man who allows his friends and ex to disrespect you? Even if he doesn’t go on the date, and it is most certainly a date, with his ex, he still shows you no respect. 

Dimalen −  Dude the fact that you stayed after the huge disrespect on your own wedding and him not standing up for you once after that is infuriating. The fact that you are still in this pathetic marriage tells me that you will stay in it forever.

One thing – it doesn’t make you a martyr or a better person, just a pathetic one who is a doormat. I know I am extremely rude, but seeing and hearing and reading stories like this make me so mad I gave up the nice words.

Dear fellow women, I know there are terrible generalizations about a lot of men and for reason, but because women like OP exist, men who believe that they don’t need to lift a finger for their partner will exist as well. Don’t freaking settle. (The opposite is true as well, but since I’m a woman with stories like this from other women, that’s my perspective).. Are you stupid?