AITAH, if I don’t want to go on vacation with my friends because they try to micromanage the expenses?

A Reddit user (30M) is grappling with a situation where he feels frustrated with how his friends handle vacation finances. Despite all of them being financially secure, the user finds it awkward and uncomfortable that his friends insist on micromanaging every expense during their trips, from checking bills to comparing Uber rides.

He’s the only one who feels uncomfortable with this approach and is considering opting out of their upcoming vacation. Now, he’s questioning whether he’s being unreasonable or if his friends’ way of handling costs is too much. To dive into the full story and understand all the details, read the original post below.

‘ AITAH, if I don’t want to go on vacation with my friends because they try to micromanage the expenses?’

I (30m) have a group of five friends from university who are around the same age as me. For the past two years, we’ve gone on vacation together—first to Mexico and then last year to Egypt. We’ve always had a great time, and we get along well. However, when it comes to sharing costs, I find myself struggling. It’s not the group that has an issue; it’s me who has the problem.

To provide some context, we all met at university nine years ago and have been working for the last five years. Our university was ranked number one in the country at the time (though I no longer keep track of the rankings), and we all landed jobs just a month after graduation. I mention this to illustrate that we are all financially secure; I know for a fact that each of us earns between €80,000 and €100,000 annually.

In terms of vacation costs, I typically spend around $3,000 for each trip, which is more than my friends spend since I’m more comfortable with spending. Additionally, I’m aware that the vacation money we receive amounts to at least double what any of them has spent on these trips.

So this is the problem I have: every night, they ask for a check, start checking off items for everyone, and then make that person pay exactly that amount. To me, that’s embarrassing: getting n**ty looks from the waitress who doesn’t make in a day what these people make in an hour, waiting there for ten to fifteen minutes while they argue about who had what, and then starting to count bills and coins to pay.

I suggested we split the bill five ways, but they don’t want to do that. They have mentioned that I’m the only one who drinks alcohol with dinner and that it’s not fair if they have to pay extra for it. We are talking about maybe two euros.

I even offered to pay more, but they still refused because some are not big eaters and don’t think they should pay extra for others. It’s four vs one. To make matters worse, they spent every night comparing Uber bills because, maybe I paid a couple of euros less for the ride…

So now they are planning a trip for this year, and it could be the last one as some of them want to start families, but I’m thinking of saying no, I can’t do this anymore. I enjoy our trips, but getting a pay request of three euros because I had a couple of glasses of rum someone else bought at the supermarket at our hotel messes with my mood. But I’m also the only one who has a problem with this, and I want to ask if I’m the a**hole or if this is just a really strange way to handle finances.

Edit: People keep asking why we don’t ask for separate checks, and the answer is that most places we visit refuse to split the bill into five. Also, some people think I want them to pay for my drinks at dinner, but I have offered to pay for my drinks, even if we split the bill.

• People keep asking how drinking alcohol is only a couple of euros more expensive. It’s because while I drink a beer or two, they drink Coke or some other soft drink. So, at the end of the day, I had two beers, and someone else had two Cokes. Yes, the beer is more expensive, but only a couple of euros compared to the Coke.
  
• Also, some people think I’m a big eater, but I’m not the biggest eater in our friend group. I take ADHD meds, and if you use those, you know what it does with your appetite. Also, my share of the bill is always one of the lowest unless we stay long and I drink more, but again, I offered to pay for those drinks myself. 
• People keep asking why I don’t pay the whole bill and then split it later. I suggested that we try it. But then that night, people started arguing about who had what, and there were items on the bill nobody said they had ordered. So they went back to do it at dinner so there would be no discussions about who had what.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

zenaide1 −  What could save this is an app called Tricount- you could pay the full bill and then divide it up later at the hotel. Everyone tracks all expenses, and at the end you get an overview of how much is owed by whom to who.

TheGameGirler −  YTA You openly admit that you spend more than your friends as standard, you drink more, eat more and choose more expensive things. But when it comes to paying you think they should subsidise you by splitting evenly?

Splitting the bill evenly when everyone ordered around the same amount is one thing, but it’s always the one who eats the most and drinks the most who thinks an even split is fair. I’m little so I don’t eat a lot, I also don’t drink, why should I pay for someone else’s meal?

Edit seeing as everyone is saying the same thing at me. OP started out by saying he budgets higher than everyone else, and drinks when others don’t, and that this was something that was brought up at the time. Backtracking saying he spends less going out doesn’t add up to his original statement of having a higher spend than the others.

The telling fact is it was 4/1. They had a tighter budget, as OP stated, and only wanted to pay for what they had. Why would they do that if OP had a lower total overall? If that was so then splitting would lower their total. They were on a budget and they didn’t want to be overcharged.

danfried79 −  tell me the people are dutch without telling me the people are dutch hahahaha.

Electronic_Sleep_522 −  Do what i do; i pay the bill for everyone – keep the itemised bill and everyone pays me their share. This means the splitting isnt holding up the waitress or getting embarrassing for you but you still all only pay your share.

HufflepuffFan −  Go to Germany or Austria for your next trip. What your friends are doing is standard there but will be done by the waiter, so no angry looks or debating. The waiter will ask ‘zusammen oder getrennt’ (all together or seperate?)

And if you say ‘seperate’ the waiter will turn to the first person and ask him what he wants to pay for, then adds up how much thst will be, the first person pays, gets his change/card back and then the waiter moves on to the next person. It’s no big deal, super fast because the waiters are used to doing this and basicly any normal restaurant will do it by default.

Alt4MSP −  INFO: why not just do individual checks at the restaurants? Also, etiquette usually dictates that, *even if someone picks up your dinner tab,* you should still pay for your own drinks if you order any. The Uber bill seems like an easy thing to split evenly among the occupants, though.

BarracudaUpstairs −  NTA – I wouldn’t go. I hate when people do this. My girl group had a friend like this who would complain about splitting evenly so we stopped inviting her out. It’s embarrassing when the check comes. On trips you should be able to enjoy and spend what you want not nickle and dime ( this is an American saying) everything.

owemart −  Totally get why you’re feeling this way. You’re cool with spending a bit extra without sweating the small stuff, but your friends seem hyper-focused on splitting every last penny. When people have different spending vibes, it’s bound to cause some tension, especially on a trip that’s supposed to be about relaxing and having a good time.

It doesn’t sound like you’re against splitting things fairly; you just want a less nickel-and-dime approach. Maybe have an upfront chat with them before the trip… let them know you respect how they handle expenses, but the constant itemizing is killing the vibe for you.

If they’re not down to ease up a bit, then honestly, it might be better to skip this one. Vacations should be about enjoying yourself, not stressing over a couple bucks here and there. That doesn’t make you the a-hole, it’s just a different approach to handling group expenses.

CoastalLegal −  NAH. Personal comfort varies. Etiquette varies. Tolerance for overpayment varies. Tolerance for penny pinching varies. BUT: As a person in my mid-forties, I would never want to give up my together-time with old friends, even if they drive me nuts. You are quite right when you observe that the next trip may be the end of an era for any number of reasons.

I look back with so much joy on various wedding trips and summer vacation memories from my 20’s. These times are priceless and limited. You don’t have to go. But try to envision yourself at 50 or 60 and what you want to look back on. That may give you some clarity on whether you can overlook this.

Alternatively it may give you the clarity that you do not want this energy in your life. As much as I have friends that I would give anything to go back in time to see again in that stage of life, I also have friends that I’ve since distanced myself from because I realized that they made me uncomfortable. 

RocknRight −  NTA. That kind of penny pinching would drive me nuts. It would definitely ruin the mood / time for me if every meal became such a chore.. I’d choose to not go.