AITAH If I Choose to Go My PhD Graduation Instead of My Sister’s Wedding?

A Reddit user shared a difficult dilemma between attending their PhD graduation and their sister’s wedding, which happens to fall on the same day. After years of planning and hard work, the user feels torn between the two events. While the sister has planned a low-key wedding and didn’t want the user to officiate as previously expected, the user’s own graduation is a major milestone.

Now, the user is wondering if it’s wrong to choose their own celebration over the wedding. Should they attend the graduation, or is family obligation more important? Read the full story below to see how others weigh in.

‘ AITAH If I Choose to Go My PhD Graduation Instead of My Sister’s Wedding?’

I’m graduating from my PhD program in the spring. I’ve been picturing this day for the last 4 years and already had so many ideas for how I would celebrate in my head. My sister just told me that she has planned her wedding for the same day as my graduation. She is not willing to choose a different date as the numerology is what she’s after. I just feel weird about the whole thing as she seems to have planned her wedding on a whim, but still expects me to change my celebration plans for hers.

A couple things to consider: 1) My graduation is out of state so it’s not like I could walk and then still make it to the wedding.
2) I spent time and money to get ordained specifically so I could officiate her wedding, but she has decided she doesn’t want that and has chosen to go to the courthouse instead.
3) Her wedding is not extravagant, just the courthouse and then dinner with the immediate family.

4) My own 6-year wedding anniversary is only two days after her planned wedding date. This irks my husband, but I get it, we don’t own the calendar.
5) I’ve offered to plan her bachelorette party, bridal shower, and help her with anything she needs wedding planning wise, but she is not interested. She already planned and paid for her own bachelorette party.
6) My family was planning on attending my graduation as well, but if I choose to walk then they will be put in the awkward position of choosing which event to attend.

My first instinct was that of course I’ll be there for my sister, but her behavior is making it seem like she doesn’t really care whether I’m there or not. I haven’t made any travel plans yet, but I’m trying to consider what would be best? Thanks for your thoughts Reddit community.

Check out how the community responded:

Necessary-Stage5044 −  NTA. You already had plans set in stone that couldn’t be changed. Not many people get a PhD, and even fewer get more than one. I would go to my PhD graduation – especially since she is just doing a court house wedding and a small dinner. While I am sure it will p**s her off, she will get over it.

cgrobin1 −  You had you plans first? If so then she is the AH. Either way, you are entitled to attend your own celebration. You are invited to her wedding, not legally bound to be there. People need to stop being forced to attend someone else’s event, specially when thepoor planning disrespects you.. NTA

VegetableBusiness897 −  You will always have your PhD….are you sure this will be the only husband she’ll have?

Clean_Factor9673 −  NTA. Courthouse weddings have few to no guests and pre-wedding events are for wedding guests. Your sister should have neither bridal shower nor Bachelorette, which is perfect because she doesn’t want them. Walk at your graduation. Your sister chose this day on purpose and I doubt it was for numerology.

Buffyoh −  Go to your graduation. You are not responsible for your sister’s “numerology.”

ZookeepergameWise774 −  NTA. Your sister has made it clear to you that the “numerology” aspect of her wedding is FAR more important to her than you are. Let that sink in for a moment. She does not care how hard you worked for this, or how important it is to you. Again, let that sink in. SHE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. Accept that fact, and move on accordingly.

2015juniper −  Walk. Weddings happen all the time. Her wedding is a big deal, for her. Your PhD graduation is a big deal for you. Send her an invitation to your graduation plans.

JYQE −  When people act like this, especially family members, they are trying to distract from your celebration. I have a sibling who throws tantrums on my birthday. And then everything becomes about him.

TheFinalPhilter −  she is not willing to choose another date NTA you had plans first not just plans but graduating with a PHD. By the way congratulations! As the numerology is what she’s after.

Well she obviously isn’t after getting everyone to attend on a day that works for them. I mean your sister is putting numerology over having you at her wedding. Also if you have been dreaming about this day for over 4 years then I can make a guess that she knew the date as well and how important it is to you. It might just be me half asleep with no coffee yet but part of me thinks she wants you to choose her over what you have been looking forward to for years.

gringaellie −  NTA put you first, your sister obviously doesn’t care about you or your achievements.