AITAH if I break up with my fiancee after she showed a startling change of behavior after getting engaged?

The initial stages of a romantic relationship are often characterized by idealization and the projection of hopes and dreams onto the partner. This can lead to a sense of deep connection and compatibility, fostering the belief that the relationship is destined for long-term success.

However, sometimes, after a significant milestone like an engagement, a shift in behavior can occur, revealing underlying personality traits or values that were previously hidden. This sudden change can be jarring and confusing, leaving one to question the foundation of the relationship and the true nature of their partner.

The Reddit post below details such a scenario, where a man experiences a drastic change in his fiancée’s behavior shortly after their engagement. From introducing a previously unknown “inner circle” of friends to exhibiting concerning behavior regarding finances and personal boundaries, the fiancée’s actions raise red flags and prompt the man to reconsider the future of their relationship. This story explores the themes of deception, manipulation, and the importance of recognizing toxic behavior in relationships.

‘ AITAH if I break up with my fiancee after she showed a startling change of behavior after getting engaged?’

Expert opinion:

This situation highlights the phenomenon of “masking” in relationships, where individuals may conceal their true personalities or intentions during the initial stages of courtship. According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and author specializing in narcissistic personality disorder, “Masking is a deliberate attempt to create a false impression, often to manipulate or deceive others.”

(Source: Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist). In this case, the fiancée’s seemingly compatible behavior during the two-year dating period could have been a form of masking, designed to secure the engagement before revealing her true colors.

Dr. Durvasula emphasizes the importance of recognizing red flags and trusting one’s intuition. The sudden introduction of a new group of friends, the dismissive attitude towards the fiancé’s concerns, and the gaslighting tactics employed by the fiancée and her friends are all indicative of potentially toxic behavior. These actions suggest a lack of respect for boundaries and a disregard for the fiancé’s feelings, raising serious concerns about the long-term health of the relationship.

Furthermore, the incident with the golf clubs highlights a potential sense of entitlement and a lack of consideration for the fiancé’s property. Dr. Les Carter, a counselor and author specializing in dysfunctional relationships, notes that “Entitlement is a belief that one deserves special treatment or privileges, often without any justification.” (Source: When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You).

The fiancée’s attempt to justify her actions by claiming permission that was never given, coupled with her friend’s disrespectful behavior, suggests a pattern of disregard for the fiancé’s boundaries and a sense of entitlement to his belongings.

The fiancé’s decision to end the engagement, while difficult, demonstrates a commitment to self-respect and a refusal to tolerate toxic behavior. This situation serves as a reminder that it is crucial to prioritize one’s well-being and to recognize that walking away from a dysfunctional relationship, even after a significant commitment, is a sign of strength, not weakness. (Source: When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You)

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Community Opinion:

The comments overwhelmingly support the fiancé’s decision to end the engagement, condemning the fiancée’s behavior and that of her friends. Many commenters express disbelief at the fiancée’s sudden change and speculate about her motives, with some suggesting she may have been intentionally deceiving him from the start. The fiancé is widely seen as NTA (Not The Asshole), with many praising his courage to walk away from a toxic situation.

This is a popular opinion on Reddit, but does this reflect reality? While the online community readily condemns the fiancée’s behavior, it’s important to acknowledge that real-life situations are often more complex. It’s possible that the fiancée is genuinely struggling with personal issues or experiencing significant stress that is impacting her behavior. However, this does not excuse her actions, particularly the gaslighting and disregard for boundaries.

This story raises important questions about the nature of relationships, the importance of recognizing red flags, and the courage to walk away from toxic situations. What are your thoughts on the fiancée’s behavior? Do you believe she was intentionally deceptive from the start, or could there be other factors contributing to her change in attitude? Share your perspectives and experiences in the comments below. This story serves as a cautionary tale about the importance of self-respect and the need to prioritize one’s well-being in any relationship.