AITAH: Husband accused me of “financial infidelity”?
A woman, who has been in a long-term marriage, is accused by her husband of “financial infidelity” after using her personal savings from their agreed-upon “fun money” to purchase a $5,000 gaming setup. They have separate accounts for individual expenses,
but her husband is upset that she accumulated this much without telling him. He now wants her to return the items and limit the amount they can save individually. She feels punished for being more frugal and wonders if she’s in the wrong for not being more transparent about her spending.
‘AITAH: Husband accused me of “financial infidelity”?’
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
In relationships, navigating financial boundaries can be tricky, especially when personal savings are involved. Is it fair to impose restrictions on personal spending or savings? What would you do in this situation? Share your thoughts in the comments!
NTA. Sounds like he’s suddenly paranoid you could have more money stashed in the event you decide to leave him- his problem It also sounds like he has trust issues- also his problem.
NTA
He is jealous and envy’s your ability to save up money,and he tryes to fool you to give up basically at what you like,so he can use your money in his own porposes and likes, I would discuss with him about your agreement over the years,if he mentains his manipulative shit, fill in for divorce,that’s how abusers are acting,today is about money,tomorrow you won’t be allowed to have any friend over, the other day,you won’t be allowed to go running anymore,and soon after that he can even start the psihical abuse.I might exagerating,but thats how shits like him are treating their victims.Don’t be one of them.
“We agreed from start to this kind of financial arrangment.You spend whatever you want from your fun account, i can do the same with MY money.If you can’t offer me the same respect that i did offer you all this years,then is better for us to get separated ways,cuz i won’t return anything,and defintly not going to accept your new rule”
Well it’s alright for him to spend his money on his enjoyment but when you buy a new gaming station and chair he spits his dummy out and demanded you send it back and put the money in the joint account so he can control your money as he spends his on golf and golfing stuff but you don’t spend a lot you save so you should enjoy it spend it on yourself as he wants your money as well so he can go on a spending spree on your savings tell him that you spend more money on your golf and other things but I saved and you are not getting any of it
Whats a golf trip cost? It’s got to be a grand with drinks, travel, lodging, food and whatever. A nice set of clubs will bump into$1000. Shoes are at least $100. Whatever it’s his money. 5k for a gaming setup? Again I say whatever it’s your money spend it as you like. It’s not like you dropped $110k on a new Vette or something. NTA
NTA. She plays by the rules and he wants to change them now? NOT. Do you get to see what he spends from his fun money? I kind of did like the suggestion that you keep the balance lower by buying gift cards, don’t buy the bank-associated ones, they usually have fees. But that won’t address him having a hissy when you show up with something major you saved for. DO NOT let him mess with your fun money just because he chooses to participate in more expensive activities. This is the whole point of a fun money account. What is he hiding?
I wonder if something else is going on. You know about his golf hobby but do you know what else he’s into? Just saying that it’s best not to assume what he’s buying and I’d stop just comparing your obvious purchase to his obvious pastime. He could be overspending on other things and be about to ask for a little “help” and then you blow it (his fantasy) by having spent his imaginary loan. He sounds disappointed as he were hoping for something himself. My husband and I kept similar spending plans but we also discussed how we felt about our own spending and asked questions without feeling the need to reveal specifics. He could be in financial trouble so keep yourself safe but be willing to talk.