AITAH for yelling at a person with special needs at the gym?

A Reddit user (29M) shares an incident at the gym where he yelled at a person with special needs after a series of unsafe actions, including almost injuring himself. The person, who was being supervised by a trainer, repeatedly stood in the user’s way, and at one point lunged at a heavy weight stack during a set.

Frustrated with the lack of supervision, the user raised his voice to prevent a possible accident. However, his actions led to him being called an asshole by the trainer and the guardian, and his gym membership was suspended. Was the user wrong for yelling, or was it a necessary action to prevent harm? Read the original story below to get the full context.

‘ AITAH for yelling at a person with special needs at the gym?’

The article has the next update at the end.

I (29M) have been going to the same gym for the past 10 years. There are a number of trainers that appear to work exclusively with people that have special needs, both physically and mentally. They work in one-to-one sessions, trainers showing them how to use each machine safely and putting together an exercise program for them, and they’re also often accompanied by a guardian.

I want to say straight away, that I have zero issues with this at all. I love going to the gym, and it’s great to see others enjoying it too. As long as everyone is working out in a safe way, everything is fine. I’ve seen what I would call a few “near misses”, with weights being dropped close to others, or machines being used improperly, but I’ve never seen anyone be seriously hurt.

So today I entered the gym and walked past a trainer I hadn’t seen before. She was with a guy that I had seen a few times before. I’m not sure what his condition is, so I apologise if any of the following sounds offensive (I don’t intend for it to, I’m just explaining what happened). As I walked past, he was loudly counting the number of reps he was doing on the leg press. I continued over to the dumbbells, got set up at a bench, and started my workout.

After a couple of sets, the guy came over, and stood just next to my bench, about a meter away from me, just staring at me. His trainer was still over at the leg press on her phone. It was a little awkward with him standing there, but he wasn’t in my way, so I don’t say anything.

As soon as I pick up the weight from the bench, he sits down on the bench. As I noticed what he was doing, I just said “I’m using that bench mate”, but he proceeds to start doing sit-ups and again loudly counts them out. So this guy is lying back on my towel, wallet, and phone. I repeat again, “Mate, I’m using this one”, as I put down the weights and try to pull my belongings out from under his sweaty back.

I guess hearing the counting, the trainer notices what happened and came over and apologises. I just give a nod but don’t say anything. I wasn’t exactly impressed that she wasn’t keeping a better eye on him. I moved a few benches over, and thought that was the end of it.

Next I was on the bench press, so holding a large amount of weight over my chest. The guy comes over again and stands right next to bench in line to my face, right where I need to put the weights back on the rack, just staring down at me. Again, I said calmy, “You need to move mate, I need to put the weight down.”

He just stared at me half smiling. I asked him twice more, and he just continued staring, not a single sign that he had understood or even heard me. So I called out loudly for help. Luckily the trainer heard, again coming over to apologise and pull him out of the way. I put the weight back, and then said to her that she needs to keep an eye on him, because he’s going to end up getting himself seriously hurt.

Some time passes without incident, they’re on the other side of the gym, and I’m on one of the cable machines doing tricep pushdowns. I get to my last rep of my last set, and just as I push down (50kg/110lbs of metal raised in the air) from out of nowhere this guy lets out a huge scream, and lunges at the raised weight stack in front of me.

Now this is what went through my head in the moment. I’m on my last rep, so I probably had about 2 seconds that i could hold the weight before my muscles failed and the weight came crashing down. With that weight, there was a good chance that he would be seriously injured (lost/crushed finger, broken hand/arm etc.). I knew that my last attempts of speaking calmly had yielded zero response from him, and I did’t have time to call for his negligent trainer to come and help.

I screamed at the top of my lungs “GET AWAY FROM IT”. The guy jumped back like he’d had the fright of his life. I lowered the weights, and immediately turn around, enraged and looking for the trainer. Well, she was already on the way over, no doubt because she’d heard me yell.

“What the hell are you doing? Did you see what he just did?” I ask, as the guy starts loudly crying. She comes over and asks why I would yell at him, since he doesn’t know any better. I again asked if she’d seen what happened, and that he was almost seriously hurt. And yeah, he didn’t know better, which is exactly why she should have been there to watch him.

I guess the guys guardian (maybe his mother, unsure) had heard everything as well. She came in, and the trainer immediately tells her that I yelled at him for “standing too close”. I tried explaining that he was almost seriously hurt, and that the he wasn’t being supervised properly. We went back and forth, but both the trainer and guardian were not satisfied with my explanation, calling me an a**hole for raising my voice to him like that.

Next thing i know, they’ve called one of the other trainers from the gym, who told me to leave, and that they’d be suspending my membership, before I was able to explain to him my side of the story. I plan to speak to the manager or another trainer tomorrow, and I’m hoping that it was captured clearly enough on CCTV that i can get my membership back.

I know from the title of this post it sounds bad, but with everything else I don’t really think I had any other option. Am I the a**hole?

Update here: https://aita.pics/FlEXM

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

aAmeliaRose −  NTA. Your reaction was instinctive in a potentially dangerous situation. The trainer’s negligence was the issue. Explain your side to the manager.

IHateTheStupidMods −  NTA. The trainer is clearly at fault here and is just trying to put the blame on you. That way her own negligence goes ignored.. Updateme. Edit: People he already posted an update so pls stop commenting update me under my comment.

Worried_2024 −  Launch a formal complaint for failing safety practices. Also launch a complaint with disability advocates about the lack of safety and proper watching of clients the gym is displaying. Its dangerous.  Edit- as a “support worker” they failed to provide the proper supervision required. This alone should be reported. As a breach of duty of care. Likewise the gym owed you a duty of care which it failed. Its a shame you dont know the persons details. 

eseus −  Definitely NTA. You were in a legit dangerous situation where someone could’ve gotten seriously hurt. You tried talking calmly multiple times, and when a 110-pound weight was about to potentially crush the guy’s hand, you had to act fast. Your priority was preventing a serious injury, not being polite. The trainer was totally negligent, and you were trying to protect both yourself and the guy from a potential disaster. The gym management should be reviewing the CCTV and understanding your perspective.

Atlantic_Nikita −  NTA. You really need to talk to the manager and ask for the CCTV. That trainner is not safe.

anchoredwunderlust −  NTA. It was their responsibility to keep a close eye on this guy. Assuming he really had no idea what he’s doing it seems like other sports or exercises would be safer than gym also.

That said a lot of people underestimate special needs people and it often seems to cross over with a “boys will be boys” attitude. With hard discipline off the table a lot of parents and carers seem to think their special needs kids are incapable of understanding rules and boundaries and coddle certain things.

A lot of women have been followed around or touched by guys who seemed capable of waiting at a traffic crossing or riding a bike home by themselves and not feeling able to say anything. Women with special needs are often victimised twice over, because quite serious infringements of privacy and personal space aren’t treated seriously.

I know it’s a slightly different issue but it’s interlinked. You were at risk. He was at risk. You did what it took to lower that risk. Not to mention some people with special needs are big and strong and often access their full strength and energy quicker and harder than the rest of us. Him crying isn’t the end of the world. He still has to learn certain things and if he can’t then his carers need to do a hell of a lot better.

Accurate_Voice8832 −  I have a special needs child and if they got into a similar situation I’d be very angry with the inattentive trainer, not with the poor person trying to do a workout. Talk to the manager and insist on viewing the CCTV, trust me in the long term that person’s guardian will be glad to know the trainer is bad so they can protect their child.

Only_trans_ −  NTA, clearly the trainer isn’t equipped for her job.

Shrikeangel −  NtA – a raised voice to prevent injury is absolutely reasonable. And truth be told – startling the man is also reasonable and what should occur – he was at risk and needed to react immediately from the description.
There are a number of people with special needs in my family, I have grown up with step siblings that had such needs – this shouldn’t bother them or their care taker – because that trainer and the care taker were not performing their tasks/obligations.

Jayypegg −  Honestly if i got that footage i wouldn’t even consider diplomacy. I would absolutely f**king smear that gym and all those involved in it as best i can. Don’t let this s**t slide. Not only was he a danger to himself but he was to you as well, not to mention the blatant harassment. See how the gym reacts when the phrase “Lawsuit” drops from the belt.