AITAH for writing in my will that I don’t want to be buried in a religious cemetery, despite my family’s protest?
A Redditor shares their deeply personal decision to be cremated and have their ashes launched into space, reflecting their non-religious beliefs, instead of being buried in a religious cemetery as their family wishes.
Despite explaining their reasoning, their family is heartbroken, expressing a desire for a tangible place to grieve. The conflict leaves the Redditor questioning whether they are wrong for prioritizing their final wishes over their family’s feelings. Read the full story below to decide for yourself.
‘ AITAH for writing in my will that I don’t want to be buried in a religious cemetery, despite my family’s protest?’
I (26M) have been battling leukemia which has recently metastasized to other organs. It’s been a tough journey, and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my final wishes. One of the most important things to me is that I want my burial (or lack thereof) to reflect my personal beliefs, which are not religious.
My family, however, is religious. They’ve made it clear that they expect me to be buried in a religious cemetery. I love them, and I understand this is coming from a place of tradition and their beliefs about what happens after d**th, but this doesn’t align with how I feel.
To avoid any conflict after I’m gone, I’ve put it in my will that I don’t want to be buried in a religious cemetery. Instead, I’ve chosen to be cremated and my ashes launched into space (always been a dream of mine to go to space). I’ve also made sure this is legally binding and that my wishes are clear to my executor.
When I brought this up to my family to prepare them, they were deeply saddened. They were confused as to why I wouldn’t let them bury me in a way that aligns with their faith. My siblings went on to say that since I have no beliefs it shouldn’t matter where my body ends up, which I somewhat agree with.
My mom broke down into tears, saying she doesn’t care what happens to my body (burial, cremation, etc.) so long as she has a physical location to visit (grave site, location where ashes are spread, etc.). My wife has the same sentiment, explaining that she won’t have somewhere to take our daughter to visit me.
I explained all they have to do is look up to see me, but seeing everyone so hurt is tearing me apart. I tried to explain that this will be the final decision of my life. I’ve compromised on a lot of things during my life to make them happy, but I feel like this is the only way I’ll complete my dream of going to space.
Still, their reactions and my own feelings has made me second-guess if I’m doing the right thing, especially before it’s too late to change anything. So AITAH for sticking to my personal beliefs and refusing to be buried in a religious cemetery, even if it goes against my family’s wishes
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
bottervliegie − NTA. You’re the one who’s going through this, it’s your decision. If they want a physical place to visit, maybe find out if you and your family can plant a tree in a local park in your honour? Then your family can visit that anytime they want while still respecting your choice.
Tea_Earl_Grey_Black − Depending on where you live, your instructions or wishes for your funeral, burial or wishes for your body are not legally binding. They could just be how you state your preference for your remains but your executor makes the ultimate decision.
The money/property part of a will is different. An executor may be able to do what they want for the funeral or cave to your family’s wishes. Have you spoken to a lawyer? I ask because all of this drama may be for nothing in the end depending on the law where you live.
Curlycue1412 − I’m gonna go NAH. I get not wanting a religious burial. I’m Christian but I don’t plan on having a religious burial when my time comes. It’s up to you to decide how you want to be handled in d**th. But I also understand your family. My dad passed and is cremated.
His ashes sit in a box of his favorite wood carved with his ‘49 Ford truck on my mom’s mantle. Everything was to his wishes but sometimes I feel bad that there’s no where special I can go to visit him. It doesn’t feel sacred (for lack of better term) to just pop into my mom’s room to visit him.
Maybe you can suggest something like planting a tree in your honor or having bench placed in a park with your name engraved? That would remove the religious aspect but still give them a place to go. A park bench might be nice because they can visit and look into the sky for you, just like you said.
ewkdiscgolf − Way of your family to make your dying wishes about them. NTA at all. Can you pick a site sentimental and meaningful to you, your wife, and daughter, where they can spread at least some of your ashes?
That way, they can go to that special place, where Dad has become one with nature, and a little bit of you continues to exist in the natural surroundings of the area?
Legitimate-Paint-282 − A headstone marker or memorial bench could be a nice compromise if you are looking for one. The living get the tangible place to remember they feel they need while you get the ending you desire. Just because there’s a grave doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a body
Loose-Zebra435 − ETA. They’re wrong for not supporting a dying person in their wishes. But it’s also kind of wrong to disregard the wishes of the people who will witness your d**th and have to continue living after. Not wanting a religious funeral is fine. Your family can still have a service or blessing without your body or permission.
But you have a young wife and child who have expressed wanting a place to go to help them. It sounds like you’ve tried giving suggestions, and I know you’re not doing well, but this is something you should figure out for them.
Going to space maybe brings you some kind of comfort for the rest of your life, but it the end you won’t experience it. Having a place to go sounds like it will bring many people comfort for the rest of their lives and they will experience it.
Space and a diamond maybe could work. Maybe a headstone with no body. Or a non religious ceremony and non denominational cemetery. Maybe go to a special place and have a special day and that’s somewhere people could visit.
Maybe have a celebration of life while you’re here and plant a tree or place a bench together. I really don’t know. But imo it would be a d**k move to leave your wife without something she thinks would help her and your daughter in the wake of your d**th. I know you need help too. But they’ll need it for longer
Derwin0 − Unless you prepaid for the cremation and blasting into space, it won’t be your choice. So if that’s what you want, then you need to make the arraignments before hand.
LurkyLooSeesYou2 − NAH. You aren’t one for wanting to be launched into space and they aren’t one for wanting somewhere to remember you .
pinekneedle − Very sorry for all that you are having to go through. Definitely NTA. Can’t you spare a few ashes for your mom/wife and daughter for cremation artwork or jewelry? Send the rest into space? Or create a memory garden (even while alive) as a spot for them to go when they want to be with you?
Honestly have never understood people’s o**ession with the deceased person’s body. As far as I am concerned…thats the last place in the world I want them to remember me.
Visit me when you make salad using my favorite bowl. Visit me when you crochet or knit or sit with that scarf I made you.. Visit me at the lake. Watch my favorite teams.. Make a garden and plant my favorites.
marxam0d − NTA – it’s your body and you can say what you want done with it. But gently, why do you care? You aren’t religious so you know you won’t know what happens once you’re gone.
It would give a lot of relief to your family who are still alive and zero impact to you. It’s like, the least compromise because you won’t be there to feel like it’s happening.
Do you think the Redditor’s decision is a rightful expression of their beliefs, or should they compromise to ease their family’s grief? How would you handle balancing personal wishes and family traditions in such a sensitive situation? Share your thoughts in the comments below!