AITAH for what I said? my family won’t let me share any good news because of my sister’s disability?

Family dynamics can be a double‑edged sword—while they’re meant to offer love and support, sometimes they end up stifling our own happiness. In this story, a 26‑year‑old woman reveals how every time she tries to share good news, her family shuts her down because her older sister, who was paralyzed in a tragic accident, is always the focus of sympathy. The family’s insistence that “good news isn’t appropriate”

when her sister is having a tough time has left her feeling as though she isn’t allowed to celebrate her own successes. With a promotion, a proposal, and even the excitement of buying a new car all brushed aside by her relatives’ constant reminders to “think about your sister,” she now finds herself torn between supporting her sibling and wanting to live her own life fully.

In her heartfelt post, she expresses guilt, regret, and confusion over her reaction—walking away in anger, feeling like she’s the selfish one for wanting to share her own happiness. Yet, she also feels trapped by a family culture that demands she silence her joy in deference to her sister’s pain. This raises the question: is she the asshole for standing up for her right to share good news?

‘AITAH for what I said? my family won’t let me share any good news because of my sister’s disability?’

Dr. Emily Rivera, a family therapist, explains, “Family systems can sometimes become so entrenched in one member’s crisis that the needs and achievements of others get overlooked. It’s not uncommon for relatives to suppress their own happiness as a way of coping with ongoing stress or guilt. However, this dynamic is unhealthy for everyone involved.” (kidshealth.org)

Dr. Rivera further notes, “It’s essential for families to strike a balance between supporting someone in need and allowing others to celebrate their successes. In cases like this, open communication is crucial. The OP clearly has valid feelings, and her frustration stems from being continuously told to downplay her own life. Therapy or family counseling could help shift these entrenched patterns, so everyone’s emotional well-being is respected.”

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

One redditor commented, “If you’ve got good news, you deserve to share it. Your family’s focus on your sister is unfair to you. You’re not being insensitive—you’re simply tired of suppressing your own happiness.”

In summary, the OP’s frustration is rooted in a family dynamic that doesn’t allow her to celebrate her own milestones. While her sister’s disability is a significant and ongoing challenge for the family, it shouldn’t mean that every positive update in her life has to be dampened. Instead of feeling guilty for sharing her achievements, perhaps it’s time for a conversation about boundaries and balance in how the family deals with both crisis and celebration.

What do you think? Should families compartmentalize grief so that others can share joy, or is it more important to support one member at all times? How would you handle a situation where your good news is constantly overshadowed by someone else’s hardship? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!