AITAH for wanting to give up my son after discovering he isn’t mine?

A grieving husband shared his turmoil after discovering his late wife had been unfaithful, and their 7-month-old son is not biologically his. Left heartbroken by his wife’s sudden passing and now grappling with feelings of betrayal, he’s questioning whether he can continue raising the child. Struggling with guilt and overwhelming emotions, he wonders if giving up his son might be the best option for both of them. Read the full story below to understand his heartbreaking dilemma.

‘ AITAH for wanting to give up my son after discovering he isn’t mine?’

The article has the next update & final update at the end.

The situation is nothing short of a clusterfuck. I’m angry, depressed and sad, and I don’t know what to do. Throwaway. I (32M) am shattered and don’t know where to turn. My wife passed away last month, only seven months after giving birth to our son. She developed peripartum cardiomyopathy, a rare and severe form of heart failure that can occur in the months following childbirth. Despite the doctors’ best efforts, she didn’t survive. Losing her so suddenly has left me heartbroken and in a state of constant grief.

Three weeks ago, my wife’s best friend came over to visit. She was visibly nervous and eventually told me she had something sensitive to share. After some hesitation, she revealed that my wife had confided in her that she’d been unfaithful around the time our son was conceived and that there was a chance he might not be mine.

I was stunned and angry. My wife’s best friend was telling me this only weeks after my wife’s d**th, and it felt like an attempt to tarnish her memory. I couldn’t believe it. I told her to leave and not to come back, convinced she was lying or trying to shift blame onto me somehow. The whole thing felt like a betrayal, and I tried to push the thought out of my mind.

But once the idea was planted, it wouldn’t go away. I kept wondering, What if she was telling the truth? After days of tormenting myself with this possibility, I decided to get a DNA test. It wasn’t an easy decision—I felt guilty for even considering it—but I needed closure. Yesterday, the results came back. My worst fears were confirmed, my son isn’t biologically mine.

Now, I’m in turmoil. I loved my wife, and I wanted to believe our son was a piece of her and me together. But knowing he’s not biologically mine has left me feeling lost and betrayed. I keep looking at him, trying to feel the same bond, but the pain of my wife’s infidelity is so fresh, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to move past it.

I feel awful even considering it, but I don’t know if I can raise him on my own. The betrayal I feel is overwhelming, and I don’t know if I’m capable of giving him the love and care he deserves. It’s breaking my heart, and I feel like a failure, but I also feel like I’m not equipped to give him the life he deserves.. AITAH?

Edit: I hadn’t thought of contacting the friend, but I will now. The replies have really solidified what I have been feeling. The child is innocent, but I don’t think I’d be able to love or care for him as well as I should. Informing the family will be my first step, then contacting the AP, if possible. Adoption is going to be my last resort. Many of you may believe I’m a monster, but put yourself in my situation, I hope you all understand.

So I called her friend, I apologized for my behaviour, but also asked why she did not inform me as soon as she knew. She said her loyalties laid with her friend more than me. Ok fine. I asked her about the AP, she said she doesn’t know as it was a one time thing. Apparently, it happened during her “worktime”, whatever that meant, and during daytime as she’d been told.

I mean I’m not fully understanding, but it seems like she fucked a guy when she was supposed to be working. Many of you are suggesting I go through her phone or other social contacts, but I don’t know any passwords. I never doubted her.

We weren’t controlling of each other, and had and gave plenty of privacy.The next step is informing the family, both mine and hers. I’m adding another thing, I don’t hate the baby, and I’m not so deranged I’d throw him out of the house. Whatever happens happens according to procedure. I’m not going to instantly abandon a kid just because he isn’t mine.

Update here: https://aita.pics/hIQUw
Final update here: https://aita.pics/ZrqBq

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

mcmurrml −  Have you thought to call her friend and ask who the father is? That took a lot for her to tell you. She could have never told you. The right thing to do first is attempt to find this guy and inform him.

iknowsomethings2 −  NTA. It’s not the child’s fault, you should tell your wife’s family so they can take him. I worry if you raise him you’ll always resent him. I’m so sorry for your loss, and your wife’s betrayal. Please get therapy so you can heal.. Best of luck OP

BluuBoose −  NTA.. Give her parents their grand baby.

Decent-Dig-771 −  NTA. I’m sorry this has happened, unfortunately now he is a reminder of betrayal and a reminder that your life with your wife was a lie. It might be best to put him up for adoption or let your wife’s family take him. You will never have the bond with him that you would have had if this truth had not been uncovered.

evilalive77 −  NTA. I believe its best for the kid too. You might resent him if the kid stays with you. Most definitely talk to the wife’s parents along with the evidence and also let the friend if she’s truly sorry then she should corroborate your words. Sorry buddy!

desertg1rl −  Social worker here. Since OP was married at the time of wife’s d**th, he is considered the legal father in the eyes of the family court. At this time, dna has established he is not the biological father, therefore, he will need to have his parental rights terminated to avoid any legal responsibility to the affair child. OP needs to contact a family law attorney and start legal proceedings to identify bio father and terminate his rights.

Just_somebody_onhere −  Hey, look , it is a last minute entry into the creative writing weekend posts!

Crazy_Banshee_333 −  NTA for being upset, but you may be considered the legal father, whether or not the child is biologically yours. You need to consult a lawyer to find out what the laws are in your state. In most states, the husband in a marriage is legally considered the child’s father, regardless of who the bio dad is.

You’ll have to go through a legal process to sever ties with this child. You will need to go through a court process and present the DNA results, at the least. Then you will have to find someone else to take over the child’s care or legally adopt them before you can abdicate responsibility. Only an attorney can tell you.

It’s a horrible situation and I honestly don’t see why this woman decided to drop the bomb on you now, shortly after your wife’s d**th. The timing is very unfortunate. You were dealing with enough grief, and now your whole life has been shattered.

Try to remember the kid is innocent and still needs to be taken care of while you’re trying to get the situation straightened out. They don’t deserve to suffer just because of what their mother did. The child is a victim, too. I hope you are able to eventually find peace with whatever decision you make.

_Lucifer7699_ −  NTA. Since you stated explicitly that you can’t give the same love and care for the child now that you know he’s not yours and that you’re in an emotional turmoil, I believe it’s in the best interest for the child and for yourself to give him up before the betrayal of your wife makes you resent and take it out on an innocent child.. Godspeed my guy.

MothraDidIt −  Which chat bot did you use for this story?