AITAH for wanting to divorce my post partum wife?

One husband reached his breaking point after a year of relentless challenges during his wife’s pregnancy. He says he tried everything to be supportive, yet his wife became increasingly hostile, accused him of not being involved, and eventually moved in with her mother, even threatening him with a restraining order if he attempted to contact her.

To make matters worse, he found out about the birth of their son through a Facebook post. Now, he’s considering divorce but faces pressure from his family to try to reconcile. He wonders if he’s wrong for wanting to end the relationship.

‘ AITAH for wanting to divorce my post partum wife?’

It’s stupid to think I’m at this point but here I am. My stbx wife (28F) and I (29M) have wanted kids for years and we’re thrilled when she finally got pregnant last year. From day one I wanted to be the most supportive husband and future father I could. Her father was never involved in her life.

I used to work as a tech in labor and delivery, and my brother to put it kindly is not the most involved father. I saw too many problems up close when it came to lacking husband’s, and I would be damned before I made the same mistakes. The problem is roughly 4 weeks into her pregnancy everything started going downhill.

– She stopped wanting s**. Fair enough. Hormones and stress make that a problem I went full stop. But then she didn’t want any physical interaction. No cuddling, no kissing, slowly becoming more and more distant.

-Her eating constantly changed and she was terrible about it. She would demand I get her something all day then the moment I give it to her she wants something else, screaming at me. OK, again, hormonal issues I get it no problem.

– she never let me to go any appointments, no groups she went to, spent more time away.
-became cold and bitter. Constantly angry at me. This went on for months.

-slapped me a couple times when I forgot one of her dozens of tasks she assigned me during the day. Stopped doing anything for the house a month into the pregnancy. Sure, she’s pregnant, I get it moving around is hard, but she wouldn’t even do laundry about 4 weeks in and by 5 weeks I did everything. I’m also the primary source of income. I barely sleep. im running on fumes.

-made me sleep in the guest room. Would always try and pick fights. I never once raised my voice, my hand, or my tone. I sat there and constantly mentally reminded myself this isn’t her and this would all be worth it.
-she didn’t want me to make any baby decisions. No name, no work on the nursery, nothing.

One month before she delivered, she yelled how f**king useless I am and how I don’t do anything and that she’s staying with her mother. She didn’t let me get her anything, come check on her, threatened to divorce me and get a restraining order if I even called her.

A couple weeks back, I found out about the birth of my son from a Facebook post. She posted it with her mother and some family. It f**king broke me. I tried to go to the hospital and visit. They had security kick me out.

After months of outright h**red, anger and abuse thrown at me 24/7, I f**king had it. Odds are im not even on the birth certificate. I opened a new account and all my deposits go there. I took half out of our joint account. She never bought baby stuff ahead of time, who knows what that money was going towards, so now that she has to buy supplies for our son she’s used up every cent.

I’ve gotten a lawyer. The house is mine, I’m the only one who spent money on it in any way. I’ve sent the rest of her stuff to her mother’s house. I’m demanding a paternity test. Im not spending another damn cent until I get verification it’s my son.

Im absolutely divorcing her. She chose the stay at home life, if she cheated she’s screwed. Her mother has money for a couple week stay, not even close to enough for full time support. If he is my son, I will absolutely be getting my rights as a father for a relationship.

Last week, my stbx called. She was practically hyperventilating. She wanted to come home. She was crying how it was all a mistake. She’s not staying with her mother. She’s at a friend’s house. She wants to come home. She wants our son to have his father. I told her I don’t f**king believe he is my son. Why the f**k would she pull this s**t if he is? Show me a paternity test, and I’ll do everything I can for him, and him only.

She wants to meet tomorrow at a park so I can talk to her. I said sure, so I can finally say everything I should have said months ago to her face. My parents are hoping we can make up, but they absolutely understand if I won’t. My brother is a deadbeat j**kass so I don’t care what he has to say, but my sister thinks I should at least hear her out.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Fantastic_Praline243 −  NTA, but please meet her in a public place, preferably with security cameras. Do not meet her alone.

madworld3232 −  11 days ago I witnessed the personality of a 26 yr old shatter. I took her to a hospital for a psych evaluation. She was involuntary committed. It took less than one year to get to her breaking point. My daugh is devastated her friend is so sick. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life.

I can’t imagine seeing her everyday while her personality changed. She is a danger to herself and others and apparently has been dangerous for months. The point is only a professional trained in psychological illnesses can diagnose and treat complex and long lasting issues such as this.

Your pain is absolutely valid and needs to be acknowledged. You too should consider therapy to deal with what has happened to you in the last year.
Everyone recommending you meet her in public is a good idea if that’s what you want to do.

Personally I think speaking to an attorney as a first step to map out what you should do is the best idea. I would tell them what you went through and what the marriage was like before she changed so drastically. Ask about the possibility she has a mental illness and what to do if that’s what’s happened.

If she’s mentally ill it’s critical she be evaluated, she could be dangerous to the infant, herself, you and everyone else. If she refuses an eval there’s a huge possibility she’s conning you and you’ll quickly find out. Tell them you want a paternity test, if it’s your baby you need to establish your rights immediately. Bonding is so critical for fathers too!

No matter what you discover you have every right to divorce regardless of what everyone else says. You have suffered through permanent damage and might want to consider therapy. I’m incredibly sad for all of you. I hope you heal from this pain. I hope you find peace in your life and one day you’re happy again.. Definitely not the AH.

seidinove −  NTA. Someone mentioned peripausal psychosis. She needs to talk to a doctor. But sheesh, if I found out that my baby was born on Facebook, I’d be absolutely flattened.

SubstantialYouth9106 −  NTA! HECK NO! Do not meet her at the park tomorrow. If she wants to meet you then it can be at your lawyer’s office with your representative present and a conversation recorded. If the child is yours after an immediate paternity test, make sure your name is on the certificate and that you file for equal custody and have an equal say in all decisions of the child’s life.

I would even ask to communicate via a parenting app. Save all forms of communication from her via text and email so you have a paper trail. No phone calls. I am very sorry that you had to go through this and your experience becoming a father, if the child is yours, was ruined.

You realize your worth and you do not want to be with a partner like this. Please protect yourself. I hope you have cameras around your property, a ring camera by the door, and that you claim she abandoned your space.

Your parents need to be on your side and follow your lead. The relationship is not healthy anymore and now that a child is involved you should be putting the child first and not raising it in a potentially toxic environment.

DetailFabulous5501 −  After the moment you said she slapped you SEVERAL TIMES I knew she was TA. You are gonna get into a stressfull and hard process, good luck.

Petentro −  I’ll be honest. By the title I thought yeah you’re probably the a**hole. After reading it…. nta she’s f**king nuts. Sounds like she cheated and the grass wasn’t actually greener on the other side so she wants to come back. Out of curiosity you just let her be a stay at home wife before you had a kid? Is that normal or common?

nick_shannon −  Finding out your child was born over a facebook post is unforgivable IMO.. NTA.

Extra-Direction7227 −  NTA abuse is abuse postpartum or not.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Tell her you will meet up in the park once the paternity test is done and you get the results. Until then you have nothing to talk to her about. Once you know baby is yours then you can meet up and discuss divorce, child maintenance and visitation. I don’t trust her, she’s only popped up now you are no longer financing her and neither is her mother.

Stradivesuvius −  DONT MEET HER. Sorry for shouting but you are putting yourself at massive risk with a private meeting. Agree only to meet her at a lawyers office, with the lawyer and a paralegal present to observe and take notes.