AITAH for walking out on a date I didn’t know I was on?
A 39-year-old man found himself unexpectedly caught in a surprise setup by a colleague, S (30F), who arranged a blind date without his knowledge. He thought he was meeting S for a casual meal but was instead greeted by an old colleague, A, who believed it was a date.
Feeling blindsided and uncomfortable, he apologized to A and walked out, later confronting S with an angry text. The next day at work, his colleagues criticized him for being rude to A, suggesting that S was only trying to help. Now, the office atmosphere has turned cold, and the man feels frustrated with unsolicited advice about his love life.
‘AITAH for walking out on a date I didn’t know I was on?’
My (39M) relationship of 11 years with my ex ended 3 and a bit years ago. I decided then that was the last relationship for me and I didn’t want a relationship again. Life isn’t all that bad. For some reason though, people have started to get a bit weird about it – especially my colleagues.
And mainly women (I can’t work that one out as the dudes I know are a lot more chill about it usually) who think they know better than me – tell me I don’t want to get lonely, am a great catch, have a lot to offer etc. I had such a discussion like it a couple of weeks ago at work, particularly with one colleague, S (30F) who talks about it a lot – and idk why because she’s married.
S is leaving and because we’re friends, I was going to meet her on Monday for a coffee/meal. So I turn up and she’s not there so I text her. As I do and I think I’m waiting, I see an old colleague (A) who both me and S used to work with in other jobs.
So I say hi to A and make small talk for a bit and I say something like “I wonder where S is”. A goes “I don’t know what you mean, I thought the date was between us 2?” I then put 2 and 2 together and realise S set me up on a date without me realising and A thinking I know I’m on a date.
So I say basically to A sorry but I’m leaving, sorry S wasted her time and go. I then ring S and she doesn’t answer so I send her a really angry text. Later, I get a call from her asking what happened – I told her. She ignored all my anger and went “so you walked out on A? What the f**k! That’s so not cool, you should have at least stayed.”
I ignored her and hung up. I got into work the next day and everyone knows as she’s already told them and they said I shouldn’t have went mad as S was only doing me a favour. One colleague in particular said he would have loved to go on a date with someone as hot as A (presumably he’s seen a picture then).
I then get DIY therapy advice – I’m wasting my life, shouldn’t be lonely, need therapy etc. I told them to f**k off and stop watching Dr Phil. Today, the atmosphere is really icy.. AITA for it all?
See what others had to share with OP:
Some-Coyote1409 − S should mind her f**king business. Your colleagues should mind their own business and go on a date with A if they want to. NTA. That’s your life, no one can force you into doing that. Good luck, don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong and your anger towards S is normal
LtColShinySides − NTA. Go to HR. This is not appropriate for the workplace. She has no right to play matchmaker with coworkers
hateme4it − NTA this seems like HR territory. You shouldn’t have to keep telling people to mind their f**king business but that also requires you to STFU about your personal life to co-workers.
Sillybumblebee33 − I would tell HR. If they insist on doing s**t like this just start telling them random frog facts or random weird s**t until they stop talking about it all together. Take inspiration from this dumb jokes punchline. “I have a boyfriend.”. “I have a fish.”. “What?”
“I’m sorry I thought we were talking about things that didn’t matter.” And if they keep insisting start telling them that you don’t care if their lives are unfulfilled but yours isn’t and you’d like them to b**t out.
Shmoesfome − Id contact HR or whatever the equivalent is where you are from. Not just on her but those who are giving you s**t for this. She set this up, knowing you didn’t want it. It didn’t go her way and now she is mad because you had the audacity not to play along.
Then she takes it a step further and trashes you at your work. This person is not your friend. Contact your superiors. She may be leaving but this could be the difference between leaving with or without a good reference.
Clara_sixt − NTA- You could have been more gentle with A as she seemed to be as obvious to the situation as you were and maybe felt dumb that she was happy to go on a date with you (maybe she had a crush on you back in the days) when you didn’t even know it was a date.
But your colleagues are really bad, I would never force anyone to go out with a new person if they don’t want to. They don’t respect your time and want.
mertsey627 − That’s not appropriate of her. Also, why do people assume someone who is single is sad and lonely? I know many people who have chosen to remain single and are living their best lives.
Reasonable_racoon − This is harassment. Straight to HR.. NTA
Sweaty-Consequence65 − Talk to HR. Your colleagues are crossing lines, creating a hostile work environment. Your choices are yours.
TheOperatorJGS − NTA. People need to tend their own gardens and leave you to tend yours. If you didn’t ask for advice or to be set up on a date, they literally need to f**k off. 100%
Is he justified for walking out of a situation he didn’t consent to, or was he too harsh on both A and S? Should his colleagues have stayed out of it, or do they have a point? What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!
