AITAH for threatening divorce is my husband gets sealed in the Mormon temple with his family?

A Reddit user shared a conflict with her husband over his willingness to participate in a Mormon “sealing” ceremony with his mother, her fiancé, and their children—excluding the user. Although neither spouse is religious, the husband argues that the ceremony is just symbolic and not worth the tension with his mother.

The user, however, feels deeply disrespected by both her husband and mother-in-law, especially given her exclusion from a ritual that supposedly binds the family in the afterlife. She threatened divorce, questioning whether this was an overreaction. Read the full story below to share your thoughts.

‘ AITAH for threatening divorce is my husband gets sealed in the Mormon temple with his family?’

I (29 F) I have been married to my husband Jake (31 M) for 4 years. We have two children together, 3 F and 1 M. Neither my husband nor I are religious in any capacity. My MIL recently met and got engaged to her fiancé Bill, who is Mormon. I’m not 100% sure that what I’m about to say is completely accurate but this is how my husband explains it. He says that as a Mormon his future stepfather has to get married in the temple, but non Mormons can’t get married in the temple. So my MIL has had to convert to Mormonism.

According to my husband there is a tradition where Mormon families get “sealed” in the church. It’s a ceremony in which your family is bonded together in the afterlife (I’m sure I’m explaining it poorly). My MIL wants this done.
Because her fiancé isn’t my husband and his siblings bio father and they weren’t already married and sealed in the church when they were born they’d have to perform a separate ceremony for my MILS adult children and their families.

I’m not religious but I’m not against religion and while I wasn’t a super big fan of the idea I was willing to do it. We had a family dinner recently and my MIL was getting on my husband’s ass about it saying things like “your sisters agreed. I don’t want you and my grand babies to be separated from me in heaven”.

After the dinner my husband formally approached me about the idea. (It had only been mentioned in passing and we’d never discussed it in detail). How his mom wanted him and our children sealed in the temple with her and how important it was to her.

I was confused and asked what about me and he said that since i married into the family I’m “not her family” and “don’t need to be sealed with her”. He was telling me about how it’s “only a ceremony” and it “doesn’t actually mean anything” because we don’t follow the beliefs but I’m still hurt.

No, I don’t believe it’s real. I don’t believe that I’m going to be separated from my husband and children in the afterlife. But it’s the principal of the situation. My SILs husbands were included and they married into the family. My MIL and I haven’t always gotten along very good but excluding me from the AFTERLIFE while assuring MY husband and MY kids would be with her but not me??

Plus the fact that my husband is going along with the blatant exclusion of me is incredibly hurtful. I know he doesn’t believe we’ll be separated in the afterlife but the fact that he’s willing to allow my MIL to believe we will be just to appease her is so disrespectful. It’s not real to me, but it is to my MIL. And my husband is enabling her diabolical plan to separate us in the afterlife.

I told my husband that if he goes along with her request it will mean divorce. I’m not even sure if kids can be sealed without both parents but at this point I’m seriously reconsidering our relationship anyways. I feel more disrespected than I have ever felt in my life and my HUSBAND caused it. That’s ridiculous.

My friends and family think I’m being ridiculous because “if i don’t believe it’s real what’s the actual harm?” And nobody seems to understand that I’m upset about the principle of it. I’m upset over the fact that he’s enabling this behavior and not the fact that “we’d be separated in the afterlife”. He’s enabled her crazy behaviors before but it’s never come close to this level. AITAH?

ETA. The reason I swung so hard towards divorce is because he’s had this behavior before and despite endless conversations he continues to enable and excuse her behavior. This just feels like my tipping point and I’m unsure if I’m just being dramatic or not.

See what others had to share with OP:

f_originalusernames −  This is pretty awful. My husband was raised Mormon, and so I have a bit of perspective here. A lot of Mormon families would love to have you sealed also. Tons of daughter-in-laws get sealed to their husband’s families. It’s very patriarchal, so the women leave their families to join the husband’s.

But before anyone non-religious decides to take this step, it’s a lot more than just going through the motions. They will try and have a Mormon funeral for whoever is sealed. They will send missionaries to your house. Whoever gets sealed will have to contact the business office in Salt Lake City to get removed from whatever list they put you on, or they will prostelitize for the rest of your life.

They’re a serious business, and they won’t let you just walk away. I’d do a lot of research before you or your husband sign up for any of their rituals.. Good luck.

Clean_Factor9673 −  Non Mormons can’t attend Mormon weddings. Do your husband and kids have to become Mormons to get sealed?. Do what makes sense to you.

El_Rompido −  Tell them your children will not be doing this. While you don’t believe in any of that shite, if they do and think it would be okay for that afterlife nonsense to exclude you, then the kids won’t be present.
F**king religions, man. Just the worst.

WifeofBath1984 −  I was raised Mormon and while I left the church many years ago, I strongly discourage you from allowing this (bad verbiage but I hope you know what I mean). While it means nothing to you, it is hugely important to the church and its members. If you think you won’t have the missionaries showing every other day to prostelyze and attempt to convert you and your children and your husband, you are sadly mistaken.

They will send church members to love bomb you with anonymous gifts with more proselytizing (this is something I actually participated in as teen). They will try really hard to recruit you to their ranks. Your husband does not understand what it means to add his name to any form of church records.

Aside from all of that, not everyone can just walk into the temple. The general public can go into the atrium, but no further. My sister was married in the temple and I wasn’t allowed to attend because I left the church. There is a strong chance that getting sealed requires membership. They are secretive about their ceremonies and I find it highly unlikely that they’ll just be able to do this.

Even your MIL will have to get a temple recommend to go (it’s basically permission from your local church leader stating that you are in good standing and therefore temple worthy, side note: tithing contribution plays a pretty pivotal part here). So all this stress may be for nothing. I left the church before I was married so I’m not sure of the details. But you definitely need more info!

ETA: Getting sealed in the temple is exactly as you described it; sealed together for all eternity in the afterlife. But wait, that’s not all! Sealing won’t keep you together forever. If you want to be with your family in the celestial kingdom (highest tier of heaven, there are 3), you’ve got to be a very good Mormon and have lots of children.

Make sure you go on a mission as a young adult and as a retired adult. Fulfill your church callings, etc. It is not so cut and dry. But Mormons operate on the “milk before the meat mentality”, so even your MIL may not even be aware of some of this.

Artistic-Giraffe-866 −  I’m with you this is a deliberate and spiteful exclusion and your husband is going along with it. And don’t for one minute think it will end there – oh no there will be lots of Mormon things that guess what only your husband and children will be able to go to ! Your husband is being clear so now you can be too !

aroundincircles −  This is all wrong. Active Mormon here. To go through the temple you have to be an active member in good standing. So your husband would have to be baptized, attend church, hold callings, pay tithing, etc before he could enter the temple for himself, much less to be sealed to his mother/her husband. Also, I don’t know anyone who gets sealed to a step parent, you have to be legally adopted by said parent. So that would never happen.

Grand children are not sealed to grandparents. Children are sealed to parents, so only your husband would participate in this, unless you and your husband join the church, then they would be sealed to you and your husband ONLY.
But again, adult children are not sealed to a step parent. So your husband being part of this at all is 100% out of the equation.. Your MIL has it all wrong.

epc-_-1039 −  I’m LDS. I don’t know what’s been said or explained, but your husband cannot enter the temple unless he’s been baptized, usually for a least a year, and proven in that time to be a good Mormon who wants to go to the temple.

This isn’t a “I’ll just go along with it to appease my mom thing”. He *can’t* go. And we don’t seal step children unless legally adopted. I imagine your MIL is just having excitement and has her facts twisted in the excitement.

Alarming-Mind-6163 −  NTA There are several issues here.
1. Children can only be sealed to their bio parents or to their adoptive parents. There is no other ceremony. So your husband cannot be sealed to his mom and her fiance.

2. Grandchildren cannot be sealed to directly to their grandparents. They have to be sealed to their parents, and only if their parent is sealed to the grandparents. Without your kids being sealed to you and your husband they can never be sealed to your MIL.

3. For your husband to go into the temple, he needs to be a baptized member in good standing, and a full tithe payer (10 percent of income), for at least a year. Which sounds mighty expensive for someone who doesn’t believe in this.

So unless your MIL is planning on claiming your kids as her own (which would be asinine), chances are anyone who can’t come into the temple will wait out in the foyer for the MIL and finance to get sealed.

Neonpinx −  They can’t seal a living non member. They do proxy baptisms for the dead to be able to seal deceased people. Wild that your husband who isn’t mormon is buying into the mormon afterlife nonsense. Is your husband going to get baptized so that his mothers mormon husband is happy? Is he converting to mormonism to make his mother happy? Your MIL and her fiance cannot seal living people who are not baptized members of the LDS church.

They can only seal their underage children. Mormons can only go to temple if they have an interview with their bishop where they prove that they are living by the church standards and duties and are paying their monthly tithing of 10% of their income. You do have a massive husband problem though. He apparently will do unhinged things to please his mother and his mother will do unhinged thing to get a man to marry her. Yikes. NTA.

murphy2345678 −  NTA. You need to discuss with the divorce attorney about STBX forcing your children into any religion.