AITAH for thinking my sister destroyed my family?

A Reddit user (27F) reflects on her decision to leave her first husband’s inheritance solely to her eldest son, Adam, in a trust fund, while her younger son, Ben, grew up without similar financial support. Years later, Ben distanced himself from the family after learning from his aunt about the inheritance, believing his mother favored Adam over him.

The user now faces strained relationships with both her son and her sister, whom she blames for revealing this information. She questions if she made the wrong decision and whether her actions contributed to the family rift. Read the full story below to understand her dilemma.

‘ AITAH for thinking my sister destroyed my family? ?’

I met my first husband when we were both sixteen. We got married at nineteen after discovering I was pregnant, and I had our son, Adam, when I was twenty years old. However, just two months later, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and passed away six months after that.

It was the most traumatic experience of my life. One moment, we were a happy new family, and the next, he was taken from us. I need to mention that my husband came from a well-off family and was the only son of his parents, who had tragically passed away in a car crash a couple of years before we met.

He wanted to change his will but lacked the strength to do so at that time and was worried about Adam. I didn’t want him to be concerned about those matters, so I promised him that I would leave the money to Adam in a trust that he could access when he turns eighteen, which I followed through on.

The next two years were challenging for me. I struggled with a**oholism while my parents took care of Adam. Eventually, I got pregnant from one of my many one-night stands and had my second son, Ben, who is now 26. Ben saved my life; I gave up drinking for him and have now been sober for 26 years.

I also found a job as a bus driver. It wasn’t easy, but it was the best time of my life. My sons were best friends, we were a close-knit family, and I was truly happy. However, everything changed when Adam turned eighteen. He gained access to the trust, which made our financial situation much more manageable.

Without me even saying anything, he informed Ben that he would cover the cost of his college tuition. I sat Ben down to explain that Adam’s late father had left him money, and I would gladly offer him the same support if I could.

He said he understood and that he wouldn’t need it, then asked if he could go to his room, which frustrated me. He is closed off and proud; in that regard, he resembles my husband more than Adam ever did.

A couple of years later, he got accepted into medical school, and his brother offered to help him again, but he declined the offer. I thought that perhaps if I took out a loan to assist him, he might appreciate it, but he insisted he didn’t need it. He had applied for some student aid and planned to borrow the rest.

No matter what his brother or I said, he wouldn’t change his mind. So, he left that year, and I haven’t seen my son since. He chose a college on the other side of the country, and there was never a real argument about it.

As time went on, he started to respond to my messages less frequently, offering excuses for why he couldn’t come home during the holidays. Eventually, he stopped responding altogether and changed his phone number.

I tried to locate him on social media, but I don’t think he has any accounts, and I haven’t been able to get in touch with him. This year, I ran into an old friend of his. We chatted for a bit, and I learned that they were still in touch. I asked for his phone number, but the friend refused to share it with me.

To be honest, I ended up begging a little. Eventually, he offered to give me his email address, but only if I promised never to reveal who provided it. I sent him an email expressing how much I missed him, how eager I was to see him, and how often he was on my mind.

Part of me dreamed about him returning and being my son again. For months, I received no response, until a couple of weeks ago. He finally emailed me back, asking me to stop contacting him. He said he was tired of me pretending to love him. He mentioned that his aunt had told him I was the one who left Adam all that money.

He had grown up happy and never minded using Adam’s clothes and toys because he believed that was all they had. But now, he understood that I only cared about Adam. I won’t go into detail about what he called me in that email, but I never expected him to feel such h**red toward me.

That night, I came very close to having a drink again. It was only thanks to my fantastic sponsor that I didn’t relapse. The next day, I called my sister and asked her how she could do this to me and why she was trying to destroy my family.

We had a big argument, and she has been trying to contact me for the past week, but I refuse to talk to her. Yesterday, her husband messaged me, telling me to stop blaming his wife for my mistakes. He said I needed to take responsibility for my choice to give everything to my firstborn.

He mentioned that if my belief that I did the right thing helped me sleep at night, that was fine, but it wasn’t their fault that I had neglected one of my children. I responded to him with a message telling him to go s**ew himself.

I heard from my mother that he left the house after my sister discovered what he had done, and my sister was understandably angry with him. However, I don’t care about that. She told my child only half the story, which made him believe that I didn’t care about him.

I’m not sure I can forgive her for that. She is my best friend, but I wonder if her husband is right. Maybe I did wrong by Ben when I gave his brother his inheritance.

See what others had to share with OP:

No_Cockroach4248 −  Your sister had no business stirring up trouble and telling Ben a lie. Adam’s father did not get round to changing his will but was very clear he wanted Adam to have the money and you followed it through by setting up a trust for Adam.

All that happened before Ben was born. Was your sister and brother in law expecting that when you were widowed and left a lot of money by your first husband, that you would disrespect your late husband’s wishes, take the money and then share it with your family?

You explained to Ben the money was from Adam’s late father and Adam offered to cover his college tuition. NTA, your sister is not your best friend

mcmurrml −  Your sister is not your best friend.

SwimmingProgram6530 −  The trust would have already been in place before Ben was born. Your sister needs to put things right. She’s ruined the relationship between both brothers and you have lost years of your son‘s life.

CryInteresting5631 −  I’m confused how people don’t understand that Ben wasn’t even born yet. And if this kid can’t grow a pair and actually talk to his mom, instead he just takes his aunt at her word and cuts his mom off, he already had some issues. Hold him accountable for not verifying the truth.

Horror-Reveal7618 −  After you husband died you followed his wishes and set a trust for his son. Before you were even pregnant with your second son. Your sister and her husband are AHs.. NTA

WinterFront1431 −  Your sister is an i**ot. That’s Adams father’s money, Adam birth right. You had no say in it.. I’d cut her out completely.

Quiet_Village_1425 −  NTA. That was Adam’s inheritance from HIS father. Your son Ben was not entitled to it. Your sister should be dead to you. And your son Ben needs to grow up!! He’s feeling sorry for himself and punishing you over something he was never entitled to.

Aylauria −  Get a copy of the Trust papers that prove it was established after Adam’s father’s d**th and before Ben’s birth. Send it to Ben, with a copy of this post. Your sister is a snake who did this on purpose. She must have really laid it on for Ben to get that mad and not even talk to you about it. Sounds like BIL is just as bad. NTA

Maya2661 −  I don’t know, something is missing. – why did your sister lied to Ben? What was her excuse? – why did Ben never talked to your or Adam?. – why did Ben belived your sister? – if Adam and Ben are close, why did they never talk about this until now?

There are so many questions….are you sure OP, that you never gave Ben the impression that you loved Adam more? Think about it, it doesn’t make sense. Maybe talk to Adam for his perspective.

If you ever want your child back or maybe a relationship you should reflect what happened and tell Ben your side of the story. Maybe your sister should apologize to Ben and tell him the truth.. KAH (without more infos)

Adorable_Pollution51 −  Your sister is an a**hole. She knew what she would cause when she disclosed something she had no business to disclose. You did the right thing: you put your firstborn’s inheritance in a trust at the wishes of your husband to help him as an adult (like inheritance are for).

You did this before having another child. You did not lie to Ben. The money was Adam’s father, who wanted his son to have it. You know what makes you a good mother? You raised Adam to love Ben enough to want to share his money. You also was willing to take out loans yourself to support Ben. You did great.

I’m the Adam in this situation, but my mother squandered my inheritance on my half siblings and her whims, and when I grew up and needed my inheritance, it was gone. It took me a very long time to let go of my anger.

I’m not going to give you hope for Ben. Anger is consuming. However, write him again and be 100% full of facts.. -Husband died on this date.. -Trust was done this date. – I was the worst mother for 2 yrs then you made me better.

Touch on all the favorite/happy memories of him. You said you were happy. He knows. He is feeling insecure of your love, he is trying to find favoritism in his memories, and your sister caused that. Your sister and her a**hole husband had no right for this conversation.

Do you think the user’s decision to prioritize her eldest son’s inheritance was fair, or did it unintentionally create a sense of neglect for her younger son? Should her sister have intervened and shared this information with Ben? Share your thoughts and experiences below!