AITAH for telling off a friend of a friend at her birthday dinner after she said I “looked r**ist”?

A Reddit user shared an intense confrontation during a friend’s birthday dinner, where they were accused of “looking racist” based on their appearance by another guest. Their response to the accusation escalated the situation, leading to tears, arguments, and a disrupted evening. Now, they’re left wondering if defending themselves was justified or if they should have handled it differently. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for telling off a friend of a friend at her birthday dinner after she said I “looked r**ist”?’

So my friend wanted to have a birthday dinner and she invited her other friends who I was meeting for the first time. Keep in mind that me and the girl in this situation are both POC (but of different races).

Anyway my friend goes to the bathroom, and me and this other girl are having a conversation. Then she was like “I just have to say, you kind of look like you are r**ist and that you only like people of your culture. Are you?”. I was like wtf what kind of question is that, and why would you think that off the basis of looks, that is so stupid and ignorant. I have been the victim of racism so many times, why would I go on to be r**ist tf?

She then was like “omg you don’t need to be so rude about it” then she even started crying right at the table and her boyfriend who was next to her started getting angry at me for making her cry, while I told him “excuse me did you see what just happened right now??” “You girlfriend tried to accuse me of s**t without even knowing me”

My friend came back to the table to find her other friend crying and asked her what happened. She said I was a b**ch to her and I told my friend what had actually happened. Another one of my friend’s friends who saw everything backed me up while the boyfriend of the girl backed her up. It was chaotic and my friend didn’t know what to do.

The girl continued to be dramatic with crying and so I had to cut my time short. I asked the server to give me my bill and I headed out. I sent a long text to my friend fully explaining myself afterwards and apologizing to her for playing a part in ruining her dinner and her response afterwards was a bit cold.

I feel like our friendship might be affected by this incident. I do feel bad that her dinner didn’t go smoothly partly because of me but at the same time I did feel the need to defend myself. AITA?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Fluffy_Sheepy −  NTA. That person just sounds like an unhinged wackado who enjoys starting drama and playing the victim. 

Top-Spite-1288 −  NTA – “You look like a r**ist” is the weirdest r**ist thing I have heard in a while.

Valuable-Job-7956 −  Unless you were wearing klan robes how do. you look r**ist NTA

BeautifulMusee −  NTA. She accused you of being r**ist for no reason, and you had every right to defend yourself. It’s her fault the drama started, not yours.

lsp2005 −  Friend of friend is JEALOUS of your friendship and wanted to eliminate you. Your friend took the bait. Sorry, these are not good people.

BlueGreen_1956 −  NTA. I have two simple rules: Anyone who wants to prove a point during a discussion and they start of a sentence with “I feel that…,” is a waste of my time. What follows that phrase is always b**lshit.

Women who weaponize their tears for sympathy during a discussion are not worth wasting a second of my life on. Your mistake was the way you responded. Here is the response you should have used: “No, I am not r**ist. You look like a b**ch. Are you?” Note: Of course, I don’t believe this ever actually happened, but it’s a cute conversation starter. Reddit will eat it up.

VelSinara −  NTA. Had a similar experience once, where someone made baseless assumptions about me. Defending yourself is important. Your friend might come around once she processes everything. Sometimes people are just looking for drama and it’s best to stay true to yourself.

LindonLilBlueBalls −  NTA. Send your “friend” a link to this post and say, “I haven’t heard a word from you since your friend accosted and accused me at your birthday dinner. I understand that your dinner may have been ruined, but I can’t maintain a friendship with someone that would allow their friends to attack me unwarranted. I hope you have a good life.”

Comfortable-Focus123 −  NTA – “you look kind of r**ist.” – WTF? And then doubles down when you defended yourself by calling YOU rude. It sounds like the new friend was just trying to stir up trouble with her bf backing her up. Perhaps she was jealous of your friendship. Hopefully, your friend will eventually figure out that the new friend is a problem.

MagogHaveMercy −  Straight from the Karen Playbook pp.231- How to make this event ALL ABOUT ME:

Step 1: Say some out of pocket nonsense when the host isn’t present

Step2: When someone calls you on said nonsense, get hysterical and act like the victim to garner sympathy and get the host to take your side. Involving a complicit significant other can be helpful here.

Step 3: Talk mad s**t once the reasonable person leaves to avoid drama, further inveigling all the other neutral party goers who didn’t see or hear what happened.

Step 4: Feel powerful at having disrupted another gathering and friend group. Edit to add judgment: NTA all day.

Do you think the user was justified in defending themselves in this situation, or should they have approached the accusation differently to keep the peace? How would you have handled such an unexpected and personal remark? Share your thoughts below!