AITAH for telling my wife to stop crying about missing out on our daughter’s wedding?
Family dynamics can be complicated—especially when expectations about celebrations differ. In this story, a 55-year-old man recounts how he snapped at his wife for crying about missing out on a big wedding celebration for their daughter, Lynn.
While Lynn prefers a low-key, nontraditional wedding, his wife is deeply upset about losing out on what she sees as a milestone family event. His blunt comment—”stop crying about it”—reflects his frustration with what he perceives as overblown emotions. But does this reaction make him the AH?
‘AITAH for telling my wife to stop crying about missing out on our daughter’s wedding?’
Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman explains, “In intimate partnerships, the way we respond to our partner’s emotions can either build a bridge or create distance. Acknowledging your partner’s feelings—even if you disagree with their source—is critical for emotional intimacy”.
In this situation, while the father’s stance on respecting Lynn’s wishes is understandable, his delivery may have come off as dismissive. Dr. Gottman advises that instead of shutting down your partner’s feelings, it’s more constructive to engage in an open dialogue about your differing expectations.
By empathizing with your wife’s disappointment while also explaining why you support your daughter’s choices, you might find a compromise that respects everyone’s needs. This approach can prevent feelings of neglect or resentment from festering in your relationship.
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
Many feel that while it’s important to honor a child’s wishes, dismissing a partner’s emotions outright is hurtful. A common sentiment is that you’re not necessarily wrong for supporting Lynn, but you might be an AH in how you communicated your stance. The consensus leans toward finding a balanced approach where both your daughter’s autonomy and your wife’s emotional needs are validated.
Ultimately, the dilemma isn’t about choosing between your daughter and your wife—it’s about how you navigate and validate both perspectives. Your daughter’s nontraditional approach deserves respect, but your wife’s feelings of loss over a missed milestone are equally valid. Perhaps an apology for the harsh delivery, combined with a calm discussion about each family member’s expectations for future celebrations, might be the best way forward.
What do you think—is there a way to honor your daughter’s wishes while still creating meaningful experiences for your wife? Share your thoughts and experiences on balancing conflicting family traditions.
Two things going on here. His wife’s disappointment and his daughters justifiable boundaries and needs. His wife’s feelings need to be acknowledged! Not until they are will see be able to move forward and see the other side, her daughter’s side. Counsellings might help mom accept her daughter as she is and support her where she is at. That’s what love is about. And mom, the wife, needs to be loved and acknowledged where she is. Then she might be ready to move forward into the current reality. It’s real hard to let go of dreams for one’s child! I’ve had 2 die and the one that is left has mental health issues. It is just as hard letting go of the dreams for my living child as it is saying goodbye to the other 2. Different but just as hard. The husband needs to help his wife out, do her grieving and move forward. and be caring and loving: not so judgemental. Counsellings may help him learn the right language.
Kinda an A…yes your wife was a narcissistic obsessive. I would have tried a more adult response. Frankly I would have done a thing that drives my wife nuts. I would honestly ask her ‘why was this so important to her? (Your wife)” I mean really and what would it take to let it go? Is it remotely possible your wife knows she guilty for pushing the elopement? The most difficult (impossible) is that your wife has boundary issues and you know it. I think in a better relationship she should apologize to her daughter. The reason I think your kinda the AH is you know by confronting her you’d only make it worse – the confrontation (as opposed to attempt to understand) was for your gratification and your anger
OMG! I would be so warped out of shape if I reacted this way every time I was disappointed by one of my children, grandchildren or great- grandchildren. I would spend the rest of my life boo hoping. Let it go. They will live their lives on their terms whether you like it or not so you may at well get over yourself!
NTA. Dude depending on when the original post was written I’m about the same age as Lynn, your wife was being controlling and probably manipulative too. You should really have her see about therapy because something like this will most likely cause your daughter to cut contact with her mom. Just be there for your kid and make sure she knows your on her side.