AITAH for Telling My Wife I’m Done with Her “Emergency Calls” and Leaving Her Stranded?
Enter a Reddit user’s breaking point. After years of fielding his wife’s nonstop crises—from forgotten wallets to locked cars—he refuses to rescue her during their son’s doctor’s visit. Her reaction—anger over a $150 locksmith fee—ignites a showdown over boundaries. The clash raises thorny questions: When does support enable helplessness? And how do couples balance compassion with self-preservation? Read the original story below…
‘ AITAH for Telling My Wife I’m Done with Her “Emergency Calls” and Leaving Her Stranded?’
Expert Opinion
Executive Dysfunction and Relationship Dynamics
Dr. Russell Barkley, a clinical psychologist specializing in ADHD, notes that chronic disorganization and crisis-driven behavior can signal executive dysfunction: “Difficulty planning, forgetfulness, and poor impulse control are hallmarks. However, it’s on the individual to develop coping mechanisms.” A 2023 Journal of Marital and Family Therapy study found that 40% of spouses with ADHD partners report feeling like “default managers,” leading to burnout.
Boundaries in Marriage
Dr. Henry Cloud, author of Boundaries in Marriage, stresses: “Enabling dependency erodes mutual respect. Healthy boundaries require clarity: ‘I love you, but I can’t solve this for you.’” The American Psychological Association (APA) advises couples to distinguish between urgent (health/safety) and important (logistical) issues, reserving immediate support for the former.
Practical Solutions for Crisis Management
- AAA Memberships: As Redditor u/xubax noted, services like AAA (50–100/year) offer 24/7 roadside assistance, reducing reliance on partners for lockouts or flat tires.
- Shared Calendars/Task Apps: Tools like Todoist or Google Keep can mitigate forgetfulness. A 2022 Pew Research study found 58% of couples using shared apps report reduced conflict over chores/errands.
- Therapy: Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) helps individuals reframe “crises” and build problem-solving skills.
A Path Forward
Dr. Julie Gottman, co-founder of the Gottman Institute, recommends “stress-reducing conversations”: “Partners should take 20 minutes daily to discuss frustrations without judgment. The goal isn’t fixing—it’s understanding.” For the wife, accountability is key: “Adults must own their mistakes,” says Dr. Barkley. “Locked your keys in the car? That’s a $150 lesson—not your spouse’s emergency.”
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Community Opinion
Reddit’s verdict skews NTA, with users like u/Rat_Master999 quipping, “Sounds like you’ve got two toddlers.” Many suggest the wife may have undiagnosed ADHD (u/Ancient_Bicycles), while others emphasize self-reliance: “She cried wolf one too many times” (u/rottywell). Practical advice, like AAA memberships, merges with calls for therapy. A minority critique the husband’s harsh delivery but agree boundaries are overdue.
Yet, as u/DragonFlower1723 asks, “How does she function when alone with their son?”
What would you do? When a partner’s chaos becomes your crisis, is tough love justified—or cruel? Imagine juggling a sick child while fielding a lockout call. Should spouses be safety nets, or is independence nonnegotiable? We want to hear from you: Have you navigated similar dynamics? How did you balance support and self-care? Share your story below—let’s redefine partnership beyond rescue missions.
I was on vacation with my sisters in Cape Cod. 3-4 days into it, my sister’s husband called from South-freakin’-Carolina, at 11:45 at night to tell her he couldn’t find his car keys (he had a flight the next morning). She’s sitting in our shared room in the middle of the night talking to him and trying to come up with a solution. I flat-out asked her what she was supposed to do 4 days and 6 states away in the middle of the night, and told her to tell him to get off the phone and Look For His Keys. She blew up at me, but I frankly didn’t care.
NTA – Being with your kid during a medical appointment is much more important then picking up your adult wife who shouldn’t have forgotten to carry some form of payment
Your are the AH here. First of all, she must have exhibited these traits before you got married. Second of all, it sounds like she does have a clinical disorder one of the other commenters mentioned.
Definitely the AH. You should at least help her in some way. Don’t leave your partner stranded. I bet she wouldn’t do that to you.
Why couldn’t she just wait for you to be done with the doctor so you could pick her up on the way home? She could just hang out at Target for another hour.
she’s probably been brought up this way, used to always having someone to figure things out for her. while I agree, I may come from some neurodivergence, she needs to learn to set up coping mechanisms instead of making everything someone else’s (your) problem otherwise it will never end. I have been dealing with a child (10yo, not mine) with the same behavior and whereas it’s a child, the pattern is the same – asks you what time it is, holding his phone, screams “where is my..” without even looking first, forgetting everything, calling 7x because of a minuscule thing. And yes, neurodivergent as hell but still needs to learn to first try himself. Same as your wife.