AITAH for telling my sister that she chose to have kids and now she has to deal with the consequences, and to stop complaining

A woman (24F) confronts her sister (29F) during a family gathering, expressing frustration over her constant complaints about motherhood. With five children and one on the way, the sister often laments her struggles, prompting the younger sibling to bluntly remind her that these were her own choices. While the family is divided, the sister takes to social media to express her hurt. Read the full story below…

‘ AITAH for telling my sister that she chose to have kids and now she has to deal with the consequences, and to stop complaining’

My (24f) sister (29f) started having children right out of highschool. She got pregnant at 18, and our patients and her boyfriend’s parents insisted that they get married. They now have five children. 11,6,3,2,1. My sister and I are both close with our parents, and we have family dinners together often. I’m kind of to the point where I’m over it.

My sister has never had a job before, she has no college degree. Her husband barely makes any money. My sister complains that she can never do anything for herself, no one will watch her kids, she has no money, her body is ruined and she can’t afford corrective abdominal surgery, etc etc etc. She is so annoying to be around, and her feral kids are annoying too.

Her husband is never around either because he can’t stand her at this point. Our parents gave us the talk at 16 and access to contraceptives. They encouraged us to get an education before settling down. My parents are pretty liberal aside from the fact that they don’t think children should be born outside of wedlock.

My sister chose to have all of these kids. She could’ve gotten an a**rtion at 18 but she wanted a baby. Recently at Christmas she was going on her normal woe is me rant, and I finally just told her to shut up. That I’m tired of hearing her complain all the time.

She then went on a rant about how I ‘wouldn’t get it’ because I have a degree and a good job, and my boyfriend and I don’t have any children, and I can afford to go to the gym and do whatever I want and she cant.’ I told her point blank that she put herself in the position she’s in because she’s a complete m**on, and no one feels sorry for her.

Our brother laughed and our parents are staying out of it, but they complain about her too in secret. She thinks I’m a complete a**hole, and she’s been crying on Facebook making sad tiktoks about how ‘society hates mothers’ and ‘where’s her village’ and, ‘it’s hard when even your family doesn’t care about you.’ Oh, and she’s pregnant again apparently. I blocked her on socials and my plan is to ignore her but AITAH?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

FoxySlyOldStoatyFox −  Lots of people suggesting that you should have been more tactful. Honestly, if it took you 11 years and five kids (soon to be six) to point out that your sister and her husband are responsible for this mess and misery then I admire your patience. 

lovebeinganasshole −  lol. Well you were wrong about one thing, apparently her husband isn’t that sick of her.. NTA.

sfrancisch5842 −  It’s a good thing she didn’t have the money for a tummy tuck after baby #5, given she is pregnant again. Would have been a waste.. Are you the AH? Not really, no. However, maybe sister needs her tubes tied.

NoZookeepergame9552 −  NTA – it isn’t just about the pregnancy at 18 or even if she had choose to have a second kid close thereafter. There are many teen mothers who get an education later, or start part time work or a hobby after their kids start school.

But she waited until the first kid was in school to have a second, and then waited until she was your age to start the next 3 (soon to be 4). So this is a long series of decisions (most involving not using birth control), majority of which she made when older than you.

Distinct_Wish_1355 −  What does she mean where is her village? She has her own little tribe

Brilliant-Car-2116 −  Haha, this is hilarious. Poor as s**t and 5 kids deep, and complaining about not being able to afford abdominal surgery.. Out of touch with reality.
You NTA. Honestly, you guys should have told her 3 kids ago. The terrible thing is this burdens society….

Bigstachedad −  Your parent’s lesson about contraception must have gone right over your sister’s head. Actions have consequences, but she’s obviously never learned that lesson either. I was going to say your m**on comment was going too far, but five, soon to be six children, nah she’s dumber than a box of rocks. Choices sis, choices! NTA.

DrinkMaleficent1200 −  NTA. As a woman with a sister that has given birth to 9 kids with 3 different daddies, I just want to let you know that you did the right thing by telling her that. If she complains again to you, tell her there is a solution. Tie her tubes or close her legs.

Skyeblue0922 −  NTA. And why would you be more tactful? Sometimes being harsh is better than trying to be polite and nice! Your sister deserved to hear these words because they are the truth! If your parents had ‘the talk’ with you and you took it on board and decided that s** is ok but kids can wait and she didn’t, why would you sit and listen to her complaining?!

If she has no brain, how is that your problem?! You both had the same talk, right? One of you listened and the other one didn’t! Why is she even having so many kids? That’s her decision as well. Either go on a pill, get tubes tied, use condoms or don’t have s** at all. How hard is it?

She is irresponsible and dumb! And that is not your fault. You simply said what everyone is thinking, plus you are her sister, it’s not like a total stranger is telling her this!
She made a choice and now she has to deal with the consequences. Tough 💩. NTA 100%

Ireland1169 −  NTA. You waited 11 years & 5+ kids to tell her she FAFO. She has to take responsibility for her own decisions. She had 5 years between 1 & 2 to get an education/train for a trade/job she decided not to, thats on her.

Was the sister justified in speaking her mind, or should she have shown more empathy for her sibling’s situation? Share your thoughts below!