AITAH for telling my sister that my wife isn’t spoiled, her husband just doesn’t like her?

A Reddit user described a tense family moment after defending his wife, who he lovingly supports as a stay-at-home spouse due to her chronic illness. When his sister criticized their dynamic as “spoiling” his wife, the user snapped back, suggesting her husband’s lack of generosity might be the real issue. The comment caused family conflict, and now the user is wondering if he crossed the line. Read the full story below to decide for yourself.

‘ AITAH for telling my sister that my wife isn’t spoiled, her husband just doesn’t like her?’

Throwaway/fake names. I (34 M) am married to the love of my life Michelle (31 F) and have been with her for 13 years, married for 11. My wife is chronically ill and as soon as it was financially feasible I suggested she quit her job and stay at home. Since then I’ve become quite successful in my career and I’ve encouraged her to get out of the house to pursue the hobbies we didn’t have money for, and that she didn’t have time or energy for.

We are incredibly happy with the direction our life is going and Michelle’s mental and physical health has never been better. We split the household chores in accordance of how Michelle is feeling. On her good days she’ll usually do just about everything that needs done before I’m even home but on those occasions where her illness is acting up a lot of it falls on me.

I honestly do not mind. There isn’t a whole lot for us to do on a day to day basis besides laundry, dishes, cooking, and tending to the dogs. We have a housekeeper who comes once a week and does most of the major stuff. I enjoy cooking and typically only have maybe an hours worth of stuff on the days she can’t do anything.

I also just generally like to spoil her. I bring her home gifts and trinkets. I encourage and financially support her hobbies. I take her on 2 weekly dates, vacations. I like seeing her happy. My sister, Karen, cannot wrap her head around this concept. Her husband Bill, works in the same industry as me making similar money. However, Bill does not treat Karen as I treat Michelle.

Bill won’t let Karen be a stay at home wife. She frequently mentions how he rarely takes her on dates or brings her home flowers or gifts. How he isn’t generous with his money and how it should be “their money”. Despite this she has always criticized my wife for “being spoiled”.

Anytime i mention my wife and what she happens to be up to that day (ex. in a cooking class, golfing, painting) my sister gets huffy and makes comments about how lucky my wife must consider herself and how surprised she is that my wife stays busy.

If I mention ever having to do a single bit of housework Karen talks about how selfish Michelle is for not doing her part and how cooking breakfast was the least my wife could do. If I tell my mother about the emerald earrings I bought Michelle, the spa day I sent her on, or the new recipe I was making for her tomorrow Karen would make comments about how our relationship isn’t equal and that I’m being taken advantage of.

Recently at a family dinner that neither Bill nor my wife were attending I casually mentioned to my mom how after dinner I needed to run a load of laundry so I’d have clean pants for work the next day. My wife was having a bad flare up and had been pretty much confined to the couch.

My sister scoffed and loudly said “if she wasn’t so spoiled you wouldn’t be coming home to a bunch of chores”. I responded with “my wife isn’t spoiled, your husband just doesn’t like you”. And asked her why she’s forced to work if her husband makes as much as me.

She was pissed, my parents were irritated, and I was asked to leave the dinner. My sister has sent me texts calling me names and my mother has reached out saying that was insensitive and asking me to apologize. AITAH?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

UndeadArmoire −  NTA. It’s lovely to see a couple that manages chronic illness so well. She doesn’t slack off on her good days and you accept that she’s not slacking off when she has bad. The fact you two just like making each other happy is delightful to see. Your sister is absolutely jealous and wants to prove your marriage is the weird one so she doesn’t have to feel bad about hers. Keep being Gomez to your Morticia, good man.

AntiqueConfidence612 −  NTA for being honest. She’s just jealous that you treat your wife the way she wants her husband to treat her. What I don’t understand is why they’re mad at you when she’s the one constantly talking s**t about your wife. Maybe they need to step back and think about why they’re okay with how your sister speaks to you, but not okay with what you said.

FortuneWhereThoutBe −  NTA. Your sister has been picking at your wife for a long time, and you just finally got fed up, and you let her have it with both barrels. If she didn’t like the response, she shouldn’t have created the situation. You don’t owe her apology.

In fact, she owes your wife an apology and you and one as well. Her insecurities and her jealousies are her problems. I really hope that she’s not saying these things to your wife. If she is, your wife just needs to block this negative n**compoop. I think it is wonderful what you are doing. You and your wife are blessed to be able to do these things, and both of you have a partner who is willing to step up when the other can’t.. I’m a little jealous myself LOL.

Randa08 −  I don’t know even in this post you sound like you’re bragging, you casually mention expensive jewellery blah blah blah. Sound like you enjoy thinking you are prince charming a letting everybody know. Why do you think your sister husband doesn’t like her? Is this based purely on the fact he doesn’t like stay at home wives?

Kisses4Kimmy −  I say ESH… Tbh some people are very okay with or even want their partner to be a SAHP and there’s some who expect their partners to work and pay their fair share. In your sister’s case, it sounds like a lot more than whatever she’s letting on, but she’s obviously unhappy. You guys are just all different people.

I get she is your sibling and you both are older now, but maybe you could have turned it around to address how you felt about her comments and out of respect for you and your wife that she cut it out and seek professional help to address the concerns in her relationship. Instead, you said something pretty hurtful.

She’s jealous, obviously, but to me saying her husband doesn’t like her hence her relationship situation, is pretty below the belt because what if she was already thinking that? Anyways I may get a lot of down votes for that, but I’m very close to my siblings and I can’t imagine any of us saying what you said to her.

Frosty-Clue-251 −  NTA good job.

lefferc0n −  I was on your side until you said you asked her why she’s “Forced to work” if her husband makes so much money. that’s kinda misogynist my dude.

FluffyCloudQueen −  NTA. Sounds like your sister needs a reality check, not a s**pegoat. Maybe if her hubby treated her better, she wouldn’t be so salty about your wife’s good life.

LOTF25 −  1. Your wife IS spoiled though. She has all the luxuries of a SAHW without having any of the burden. She is objectively spoiled. Which is not a bad thing. Both you and your wife are happy with the ways things are going, so why care because your sister’s jealousy flares up and she calls out the fact? A better response would be: “yeah, so what?”

2. Bill is doing nothing wrong. He is completely within his rights to not want a child to take care of, but rather an equal partner. Not everyone wants to be like you, and that is fine. So you’re an a**hole for taking a shot at Bill, even more so since Bill wasn’t even there to defend himself. Between your sister’s petty jealousy and your s**t talking behind Bill’s back, seems your parents failed you both.

Tamerlane_Tully −  This reads like a red pill guy’s weird fantasy about having a tradwife.