AITAH for telling my SIL her son is not longer invited to my house, ever?

Family dynamics can sometimes force us to make tough decisions for our own safety and peace of mind, even if it means drawing hard boundaries with loved ones. In this situation, a 26‑year‑old pregnant woman recounts her experience hosting her sister-in-law’s children while her SIL and husband attended a funeral.

Initially, the visit started on a positive note, but it soon took a dangerous turn when Riley—the troubled 15‑year‑old son—became physically aggressive. After an altercation that left her injured and shaken, she firmly declared that Riley would no longer be welcome in her home.

While her sister-in-law was apologetic and felt the decision was too harsh, the host maintained that given the violent behavior—and especially while she’s pregnant—such a boundary was necessary. This story raises the question: AITAH (Am I The Asshole) for setting a permanent ban on Riley from her house?

‘AITAH for telling my SIL her son is not longer invited to my house, ever? ‘

Expert Opinion:

Family therapists and conflict resolution experts emphasize that establishing boundaries is essential, especially in situations where personal safety is compromised. Dr. John Gottman, a well‑known relationship researcher, often highlights that “clear boundaries are necessary for healthy relationships and personal well‑being”. In this case, the decision to ban Riley is an act of self‑preservation—a way to protect not only her physical health but also her emotional state during a vulnerable time, such as pregnancy.

Similarly, Dr. Susan Johnson, a prominent figure in couple and family therapy, points out that “when a family member repeatedly exhibits harmful behavior, setting non‑negotiable boundaries is critical to prevent further damage.” Although Riley is family, his repeated aggression and the threat he poses justify a strict limit on his access to her home. Her reaction—firm and uncompromising—can be seen as a necessary measure to ensure her own safety and the overall harmony of her immediate environment.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The consensus in similar AITA discussions online tends to lean toward supporting firm boundaries when personal safety is at risk. Many commenters might say, “You’re NTA; you have every right to protect yourself,” especially when violence is involved. They understand that while family ties are important, they do not obligate one to tolerate harmful behavior

Conversely, some might argue that a permanent ban is extreme, but those voices are generally outnumbered by those who emphasize that safety comes first. In this case, the violent incident and the consistent pattern of aggression provide strong justification for her decision.

In the end, the decision to ban Riley from her home is not about rejecting family for the sake of it—it’s about prioritizing safety and well‑being. Given the physical altercation and the ongoing aggressive behavior, the host’s choice to enforce a strict boundary is understandable and, to many, entirely justified. So, AITAH? Many would likely say you are NTA.

That said, this situation also invites a broader conversation: How should families handle repeated violent behavior when it comes from a troubled relative? Can there be a path to reconciliation, or are hard boundaries the only solution? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others facing similarly difficult family dynamics.