AITAH for telling my pregnant friend she can’t control my restaurant order?
When dining out with friends, especially in a social setting that includes diverse dietary needs and restrictions, the dynamics of conversation can sometimes take an unexpected turn. In this case, our OP—a 30-year-old man—shares an incident involving his 8-month pregnant friend. During a group dinner, while discussing the menu, the pregnant friend mentioned that she was craving a particular dish but wasn’t allowed to have it due to pregnancy-related restrictions.
When OP remarked that the dish looked delicious, she immediately objected, insisting that it would be very rude for him to order that dish now that she couldn’t have it. OP felt that this was overstepping boundaries, arguing that as someone who isn’t pregnant, he has every right to order exactly what he wants. Now he’s left wondering if he’s in the wrong for refusing to let her “control” his restaurant order.
‘AITAH for telling my pregnant friend she can’t control my restaurant order?’
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist known for her work on interpersonal communication, explains, “In social settings, it is common for people to express empathy or solidarity regarding personal health challenges. However, it is important to recognize that each individual retains the right to make their own choices about their food, especially when those choices are based on personal taste and not on a shared obligation.” (kidshealth.org) Similarly, family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson notes,
“While supportive behavior among friends is valuable, imposing restrictions on someone else’s choices—especially in a public setting—can lead to unnecessary conflict. It’s crucial for people to respect each other’s autonomy, even if they are going through challenges like pregnancy.”
Experts agree that while the pregnant friend’s intentions may have been to show solidarity or concern, it is not appropriate for her to control another’s personal decisions about what to order at a restaurant. In this context, OP’s reaction is understandable given his need to assert his own autonomy.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Many redditors sympathize with OP, arguing that you have every right to order what you want at a restaurant, regardless of someone else’s restrictions. “Your food is your choice; no one should tell you what to order,” one commenter noted.
Ultimately, the OP’s stance—that his personal restaurant order should remain his own choice—is completely reasonable. While his pregnant friend might have intended to express solidarity or concern about her own restrictions, it’s not fair for her to impose those limitations on someone else. In the context of a group dinner where everyone is free to make their own choices, the OP’s reaction appears justified.
What do you think? Is it acceptable for someone to try and control another’s choices based on their own personal limitations, or should each person have full autonomy over their order? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?