AITAH for telling my mum to not lend her friends daughter my wedding decor for her wedding?

A woman is upset after her mother offered to lend her cherished wedding decor to a friend’s daughter for her upcoming wedding—without asking her permission. Emotions ran high as she expressed her hurt, especially since the friend’s mother didn’t attend her wedding. She now wonders if she’s being selfish for saying no.

‘ AITAH for telling my mum to not lend her friends daughter my wedding decor for her wedding?’

I got married in July this year and it was really special to me since I had everyone I had ever loved with me on this special day. My mums best friend didn’t come last second and it wasn’t because of financial difficulties but more due to just not wanting to go without her husband (who was working). It did hurt me a bit but no one is obligated to come so I didn’t think much of it and I still love her so I gave it up.

Her daughter in now getting married next month and my mums best friend always expects my mum to help with her kids wedding despite not coming to mine, and this time she decided to ask my mum if she could borrow my decor for her daughter because she liked it, she didn’t ask me, she doesn’t even have my number. She asked my mum.

My mum of course said yes and I had no idea until just now because she said “oh by the way I told my friends her daughter can pick out some of your decor she likes so she can borrow it for the wedding”. I instantly broke down crying because I’m pregnant and I just felt so hurt that my mum was willing to just use my stuff like that.

I told her I was not okay with it and she’s saying “well if I tell her no then I will have to buy it to make up for it” and I said “her mum didn’t even come to my wedding, you don’t need to do anything!”. I feel like I might be the AH cause I can’t stop crying and I’m probably being selfish and spoiled but the wedding was so special to be and I was planning on using that stuff for home decor for when my new baby comes so I want it to be specially used by me and his/her daddy, not some girl I barely know.

My mum doesn’t get it and she says I’m making a big deal about it and that I need to share and maybe she’s right but I just don’t want to, not with my wedding stuff. AITAH?.

UPDATE: My mum and I discussed it again when it wasn’t so heated and I told her how I felt again. I mentioned that her friend chose not to show up for no good reason even though I have been a support at all her kids weddings and even after all that she still asked for my stuff and how tacky it is to do that after what she did.

I also mentioned to my mum that if I offered up her teapots (she collects) to my best friend even for one day she would be really upset with me, my mum seemed to understand my mindset. My mum took it well and even though she doesn’t fully get it she said she is going to let her friend know it’s not available anymore so it’s been going better, she apologized as well for hurting me cause she knows how sentimental this event was for me.

For the people saying I should get it from my mums house, I moved from a different state after taking care of my aunt and moved back to my home town. We had apartments we were looking at but my parents insisted we could stay with them since my mums birthday, thanksgiving, and Christmas are all so close and it would be good bonding since we were out of state for awhile.

My mum and I get along well but my mum picks one sided friendship so sometimes she doesn’t realize that what her friends are asking of her is not normal. All my stuff is just in my room. And for the people who are saying I should have stuff to spare, I really don’t.

My wedding was on the smaller/medium size with 95% of those people being family and since all my family set up the wedding instead hiring people and I don’t want to carry around a lot of clutter I gave most of my stuff away to my family only keeping the really really important stuff that I plan to use for my home and pass down to children. My husband also doesn’t want to part with these items.

If I had 20 random table runners I would not care but I only have enough decor to decorate a medium sized bedroom so I really don’t want to part with it. Plus I am allowing her friend to use the table cloths cause my mum saved those specifically to use them again so I don’t mind. Thank you for all the people who posted, it really helped me bring this up to my mum in a way that made sense to her.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Sparklingwine23 −  NTA, it wasn’t your mums to give away without asking and she can simply say you no longer have it available. 

Status-Pattern7539 −  NTA. Sounds like your mums problem to fix. Whether that’s saying you already have a use for it or paying for her tight ass friends kids decor. Not your problem. Tell your mum to solve it without you or your stuff.

ShanMack88 −  NTA – no matter what circumstances nobody should loan out anything that is not theirs. It’s especially atrocious that your mother is trying to guilt you after she offered your WEDDING decorations to a person who couldn’t be bothered to come to your wedding.

For your mom‘s friend, to ask is tacky and classless, for your mother to agree is pretty gross and for her to attempt to guilt, you saying that she’s gonna have to buy things because the daughter of her friend, can’t or won’t buy her own decorations and her friend mother of the bride can’t or won’t buy decorations. Your mom sounds toxic and m**ipulative, her friends sounds like user and her daughter seems to be just like her. I’d go low contact with your mom and tell she gets therapy or something.

Honestly, it sounds like your mom doesn’t care that she’s stressing you out even though you’re pregnant over something she shouldn’t have done it anyway, and she comes off as one of those moms who will go out of her way to criticize your parenting and ruin your postpartum time with your baby and partner . Do what’s best for you and your baby. Is your mother really somebody that you want your daughter growing up around? Good luck I hope this works out for you.

JTBlakeinNYC −  NTA. It belongs to you, not your mother. Put it someplace she can’t get to it before she does it anyway and you never see it again.

Subspaceisgoodspace −  I’m sorry your mum didn’t just accept your no. She can either buy stuff for her friend’s daughter’s wedding or she can let her friend know your stuff is not available. Best wishes for a happy healthy baby arrival.

External_Expert_2069 −  Tell your mom you repurposed it.

DrKiddman −  NTA. Don’t share your wedding dress or your wedding tokens. Ignore the people who say you’re doing wrong by not lending them out to they messed up, wrinkled, and maybe not return returned.. After a person wore them, it would be her dress, her wedding dress. Don’t do it.

Sweaty_Average4525 −  You’re not being selfish. Your wedding was a special occasion, and your decor is part of those memories. It’s okay to want to keep it for yourself.

ArreniaQ −  make sure everything is safely at your house because mom’s friend will go to her house and it will all disappear. You could turn this around, Why would your mother’s friend be so cheap that she would want to use second hand decor. Every bride deserves her own vision, not to copy yours. She needs to go buy everything new for her lovely daughter!

TypicalManagement680 −  NTA Your mom should have not spoken for you, your things are not hers to give away. Let figure whatever it is she’s going to do now that in lieu of not having your stuff m, those are her consequences.