AITAH for telling my mom she is dead to me if she mentors my b**ly?

A Reddit user shared a deeply personal story about feeling betrayed by his mother, who chose a long-time bully to be her teaching aide. Despite knowing the extent of her son’s suffering, she decided to mentor the bully, citing the kid’s troubled home life as her reason. The teenager, hurt and feeling unheard, told his mom he’d cut ties with her over this choice. Now grounded and cut off from his belongings, he stands by his feelings. Read on for the full story.

‘ AITAH for telling my mom she is dead to me if she mentors my b**ly?’

So my\[16m\] mom\[40s\] is a teacher at my school. Our school has a special elective you can take which is being a teacher’s aide during your elective period. It’s mostly stuff like grading papers for them, making copies, mentoring, etc… It’s pretty much always just the teacher’s favorite student at the time.

I found out at the beginning of the semester that my mom chose “Dave”\[17m\] to be her TA. Dave has made my life a living nightmare since middle school. He has bullied me mercilessly both physically and emotionally since 6th grade. I don’t want to get into everything he’s done to me, but everyone is fully aware of it, including the school and my parents.

There have been countless meetings with school administration and suspensions on his end but it never stopped him. Since we’ve been in high school I haven’t had to see him as much, which is a relief, but the times that I do are always terrible.

When I found out that he was her new TA, I was obviously very hurt and confused. I asked her why would she want to spend extra time with someone who made my life so terrible? She said that she had him in one of her classes and that he really isn’t such a bad kid, but he has a really terrible home life that she can’t tell me about that makes him act out.

For the record, my mom has always had a soft spot for kids who come from bad homes. I reminded her of all the things he had done to me and she said that she understands but he really needs help right now. I told her I get that, but why does it have to be you? We have a huge school full of teachers and staff who can mentor him.

Why does it have to be you? She told me to stop being s**fish and some kids have it harder than I can imagine and she’s just trying to help. I was honest with her and told her that if she continued to have him as her aide, she was dead to me. She was choosing him over me and she would not longer be my mother.

I would no longer talk to her and the minute I turned 18, I was moving out and she would never hear from me again. She rolled her eyes and said I was being dramatic but after a couple of days of ignoring her, I was grounded. It didn’t change my mind and my dad then tried to force me to talk to her. I still refused so they pretty much took everything away from me one by one for the past few weeks.

I no longer have my car, computer, guitar, and most recently my art supplies and I have to come home from school and go straight to my room and am not allowed out except dinner until I start talking to her again. They don’t realize that this is just strengthening my resolve. I’m going to sit in this empty room every day silently until I’m 18 and they’ll never see me again.

My mom keeps coming in crying and begging me to talk to her which makes me feel kind of bad but she still won’t remove Dave as her aide. Am I taking this too far? I just feel so betrayed.. ​. 

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

ChiTownSteff −  I find it ironic that your parents not only chose your b**ly over your wellbeing but also perpetuate the b**lying. They are being bullies for punishing you for disagreeing. NTA

Prickly_Peaches −  NTA. I’m sure Dave has a rough life, but it doesn’t excuse his cruelty towards you. I would be extremely hurt if my mom sided with my b**ly. Your mom should ask one of her colleagues to take him on as an aid and then tell Dave that, given his prior history with you, it is no longer appropriate for him to be her aid.

Shinzodune −  NTA. If my mother would have done that to me or one of my brothers we would have treated her like a t**itor. She puts her savior-complex or whatever this is over your mental health. She is in addition to that disloyal to your family (YOU). Just ignore her and organize your life.

Do good in school and leave her behind when you are old enough and independent. I can not even compute how people do this to their own blood. But here we are. I wish you the best.

brsox2445 −  Sounds like he’s found a new way to b**ly you by getting your parents to punish you for being upset about her association with him.

Popular_Error3691 −  Nta. The damage is done, hope your mother realizes she fucked it up.

mommykraken −  NTA. Is there someone else you can live with? A school counsellor or family member to talk to? It’s not going to reflect well on her if it’s known she’s supporting her son’s b**ly and is punishing her son at home for not being okay with that.

If you want to ramp it up, put a count down to your 18th birthday up on your wall. Seriously though, if she does give up mentoring this kid, she and your father have still seriously damaged their relationship with you.

You need to make that clear in the event your mom cracks. Demand family counselling with a therapist you approve of, so the therapist can also tell your parents how awful they’re being.

DragonSeaFruit −  Stop coming home after school on time. What are they going to do? Ground you? Take away more things? Oh wait, they can’t. You have absolutely no incentive to listen to them so go to the library or whatever you want after school and make them worry when they can’t reach you.

Stroll back into the house at 9pm. Do this every day. Tell them if they ever hit you, you will call the police for a**ault. Your mother is choosing to abuse you for the “privilege” to continue helping your b**ly. I don’t know you or your parents but I can comfortably say they are bad parents and bad people.

Also your mother is crying but not removing amy punishments or returning your things? Then she’s not actually sorry, just trying to manipulate you into letting her tutor Dave. I have no idea why her child’s b**ly is more important to her than her child but I wouldn’t love a mother like that either

[Reddit User] −  NTA Your parents are idiots by punishing you for expressing how you feel. Your mother is crying to guilt trip you because you didn’t let it go like she thought you would. Do what you think is best for you and good luck

JanetInSpain −  I just read your update. The trades is actually a great way to go. You make money faster than a college graduate and you don’t end up in massive student debt. Trades are also transferrable to anywhere. You can literally move to any city and get a good-paying job.

You could even go to another country. It would open up a whole different world for you. Sounds like a smart plan. Have you chosen a particular trade? HVAC, plumbing, or electrician would be smart choices.. updateme

rocketmn69_ −  What are they going to do if you don’t come home directly after school? Ground you? As other have suggested, write down everything that he has said and done…and you feelings about it all. Now your mother is empowering your b**ly and causing more hurt in your life

How would you feel if someone close to you chose to help a person who had caused you significant pain? Do you think the mother’s intentions justify her choice, or is her son’s reaction understandable given the situation? Share your thoughts below!