Aitah for telling my mom her boyfriend is no longer invited in my house?

A Redditor shared a story about the tension with their mother after refusing to allow her boyfriend to move into the family home that was left to them by their late father.

While the mother believes she should have a say in who lives there, the user feels responsible for protecting the stability of the household for themselves and their grieving sister. Read the story below for more context.

‘ Aitah for telling my mom her boyfriend is no longer invited in my house?’

I am 23, I lost my dad 4 years ago to cancer, it was very painful for us, I live with my mom and sister, she turned 18 this year, my sister took it the worst, she is still greiving and missing him.

before he passed he told me that he’s going to leave me full ownership of the house and rest of the details will be communicated to me when I turn 21, I won’t go into details but in his will he gave me full ownership of the house and left a bit of the money for my mom and my sis, rest of his money went to me.

I am so glad that he saw that far ahead for us, the money he left for us doesn’t make us millionares or anything like that but it is enough for us to live comfortably and fund both my and my sisters education.

But now the problem is my mom wants to move her boyfriend in our home, my mom introduced her boyfriend to us 8 months ago, we didn’t like him especially my sister, but she accepted him eventually

her bf is cool and accepting, we get along just fine, he plays games and talks to my sister and he kinda blended in, he started visiting us often and would often sleep over but it became frequently, I didn’t like that but I kept quite.

But a week ago my mom told me that now they’ve been dating for 2 years, they are planning to get married cause they love each other, I congratulated her and was happy for her.

But then she dropped the bomb on me, she said she wants to invite her bf to live with us, I was shocked and refused right away, my mom started convincing me that it would be good for us if he stays with us instead of paying rent he will contribute to household and we will get a chance to get closer.

When I didn’t give her the approval, she got angry said it’s her house as well and there shouldn’t be any problem if her husband lives with her. I said I do not have a problem with him and yes it’s your and my sister’s house as well but I cannot allow you to move in your husband with us.

She said I am being too cruel to her and my father should have left the house to her instead to me. I got angry and said if you want to live with him then go move in with him and live your own life, there’s a reason why in my family father’s leave everything to their sons,

my father knew that I will take care of my mom and my sis that’s why he left everything to me. I said she can stay in this house for as long as she wants, it’s hers,mine and my sister’s and nobody else is allowed, just not now, I won’t force her and she shouldn’t force me either.

Since the argument my mom has been ignoring me, she stopped talking to me and when I tried talking to her she said I am selfish and my father should’ve gave her the ownership, but I think it’s just not the right time to allow her bf to move in with us.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Lyzab77 −  NTA, it’s your house so it’s the house you will possibility have your own family. Your mother is getting married so she has to move with her husband to let you have the house your father gave you.

I mean, you could have phrased it differently but it seems clear that she can’t stay if you don’t want to. And you took care of her until she got married, her husband is then supposed to take care of her.

AwedBySequoias −  there’s a reason why in my family father’s leave everything to their sons, my father knew that I will take care of my mom and my sis that’s why he left everything to me

Wow! I didn’t even realize until I read this near the end of your post that this was going to be a cultural difference for me and that’s why I didn’t understand it.

I thought maybe your father had reason to believe your mom should not have ownership of the house – like a severe mental health problem or a gambling or d**g problem. I’m afraid I can’t even comment on this one since I don’t agree with the premise.

SteampunkHarley −  As much as I don’t like the whole patriarchal angle, the bottom line is that it’s your house and you’re taking care of your mom and sis until they find their own way, it sounds like.

But if that’s the way it goes, then moms boyfriend should be the one taking care of her and providing for their life, not you. Your mom doesn’t get it both ways and her boyfriend certainly shouldn’t be provided for by you either. NTA

daydreamer19861986 −  Hold on…. why does her bf doesn’t have a house of his own??? Where does he live? Is this guy just wanting a free living off your mum? Aside from that… why did dad not leave the house to your mum… how wasn’t it her house to even start with??? They were married right? So did they have a prenap or something?

devskov01 −  “There is a reason why fathers in my family leave everything to their sons”. Really? What is the reason? Also what is the reason for denying your mothers new husband moving in with her? Lack of space maybe?

Your mother is right, she should have been taken care of in your Dads will properly and given there is no talk of legally challenging this nonsense I take it that either this is a fake post or you live in a backwards country with very Patriachial systems.. In any case YTA.

velvet_nymph −  I feel.sorry for your mother. As his wife SHE should have been left the family home, not you. You say there are reasons – sounds like the reason was so your s**tty dad could control the women in his family from the grave through you.

Your mother has the right to move on and re marry and should not have to lose her home over it. You and your dad are massive arseholes. Hope karma gets you good.

lollyxbeans −  INFO: your mom’s been with him for 2 years? Or 8 months?

Empty_Guidance_9105 −  NTA, but a bit rude about it. Your mother’s boyfriend should be the one providing her a home. A lot of outrage in the comments about culture and sexism, but for people with property, leaving assets to the children is not that unusual.

Often, though, there is a life lease for the spouse, meaning they have a right to live there as long as they want. If that is the case for your mother, you wouldn’t be able to kick her out, but she doesn’t have a right to move someone in without your ok.

ZameenPeAasma −  NTA. I see alot of people in the comments are not okay with the fact that the father left the house to the son. OP, I hope you realize that all these commenters are taking that one aspect and not looking at the whole picture that makes up your culture.

While men in OP’s culture are the providers and protecters of the women, the women themselves are taken care of by the men both financially and security wise. And mostly the sons marry and stay with the parents while the daughters marry and stay with the husbands family,

hence why the sons are given the house(while the wives and daughters receive any money that the deceased left behind). As to why OP was given the house while the mother is still alive is to avoid situations similar to what OP is facing.

If the house were in mother’s name and OP and his sister didnt want the bf to move in the mother could easily kick them out and move the bf in. Its absurd to judge OP based on his cultural aspects just because it does not align with one’s own culture or rights.

I dont agree with it but I also understand that not all cultures have changed to accomodate the western cultures, laws and beliefs. In western culture, a daughter has as much right to inherit property as a son does but then a son is not expected to be the provider and protecter of the mother and sisters when the father dies like in OP’s culture.

Again, I’m not saying I agree with certain cultural aspects but I dont think OP is the TA if we look at the whole picture instead of just focusing on something that OP has no control over.

Tori_G_92 −  I think you might need to hear this: your mother is allowed to move on. And she is allowed to expect to live in the home she helped build and maintain long before you could do anything to contribute.

It sounds like you just don’t think your mom’s new husband should live in what you view as your dad’s house. Legally, you can do what you want, but your position is not based on logic and is not keeping your mom’s best interests at heart.

Do you think the user is justified in keeping firm boundaries to honor their father’s wishes and protect their grieving sister, or should they be more flexible to support their mother’s new relationship? How would you handle balancing family loyalty and personal boundaries in this situation? Share your thoughts below!