AITAH For telling my MIL(59) to keep her BF(62) away from my toddler (2). Am I overreacting ?
A mother (30s) has serious concerns about her MIL’s boyfriend (62) interacting with her 2-year-old daughter. The boyfriend displays overly familiar behavior, ignores requests to respect the child’s space, and showers the toddler with large, unsolicited gifts.
The mother feels uncomfortable and has asked her MIL to limit the boyfriend’s interactions with her daughter, especially when the parents are not present. Despite these concerns, the MIL downplays his behavior, attributing it to his “boyish” nature, and continues to mention his gifts to the toddler,
which the mother finds manipulative. The situation has left the mother questioning if she’s overreacting or rightly protective. read the original story below…
‘ AITAH For telling my MIL(59) to keep her BF(62) away from my toddler (2). Am I overreacting ?’
My MIL’s BF always gave me a weird gut feeling before my daughter was even born. He never tried to get to know me or my husband before my daughter was born.
When our daughter came into the picture all of the sudden he wants to be around her and likes to shower her with big gifts (expensive and actually big like toddler armchair, bouncy horse etc.) He has a very childish personality and goes straight for her.
He’s in her personal space and everyone can tell she is uncomfortable. I have asked him to back up but he has blandly ignored me. At one point my MIL also tried to tell him and she was ignored as well. This only happened once but it was enough for me.
I conveyed to my MIL that the big gestures (without even asking if we had the space when her actual grandparents always do before getting big gifts) make me uncomfortable and I want it to stop. I also told her I don’t want him nearby when we are not there.
She seemed to agree at the time but said he just likes kids and can be “boyish” sometimes. His behavior is completely inappropriate and not “boyish”. My daughter has other males in her life including her uncle, grandparents and my friends who never feel the need to be in her space when she clearly feels uncomfortable.
I feel like my MIL’s bf is trying to groom my kid. When she is over alone at our house (which is literally once a month) he also doesn’t stop calling my MIL and wants to FaceTime my daughter. My MIL also keeps bring up her BF and all the gifts he’s given to my toddler so she will like him.
I feel like she is also trying to condition my toddler. In the beginning my toddler would yell “NO (insert bf’s name)!” And now she seems to be coming around and brings up all the gifts (which I have put away and plan on donating.) Am I overreacting or is my MIL’s BF trying to get access to my kid?
Thank you all, I really needed the reassurance. It’s uncomfortable spot to be in but I have no reservations when it comes to protecting my kid. My husband and I have decided we will be going completely NC with MIL’s BF and MIL will have to respect it. Like most said better safe than sorry.
I also did some digging around on google search and found a news article that stated MIL’s BF was arrested after he was caught cheating on his ex. Wife and his ex. Wife hit him and he pushed her and kicked her. He is not on any s** offender lists.
I did a background check on him and turns out he has been arrested for violating a domestic violence restraining order a few years back (while he was still dating my MIL). It didn’t say against who but I would imagine his ex wife. He clearly has issues respecting boundaries..
These are the responses from Reddit users:
quizzicalturnip − LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS! he doesn’t respect you or your boundaries, or your child’s. Don’t give him access to her at all. It’s not normal for someone who has expressed no interest in your or your husband to be so overly interested in your child.
I wouldn’t even leave her alone at your MIL’s, because he doesn’t respect her either. The risk isn’t worth it.
icedlongblack_ − 100% trust your gut! You don’t owe it to anyone to make them feel better by giving them benefit of the doubt. Worst case scenario of not trusting him and he’s actually safe: his feelings are hurt, but he’s a grown adult and can handle it, boo hoo. Worst case scenario of overriding your own gut and he isn’t a safe person: a risk not worth taking for your children
Ziofacts − NTA. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get as far away from him as possible. My mom made the mistake of letting her absent dad in our lives once he found out I was born and he did exactly what everyone is thinking rn. My mom *NEVER* recovered from it. I was 5.
She made the mistake of not trusting her instincts and is still guilty abt it to this day. I was in therapy for *YEARS* and just graduated 2 weeks ago. He *IS* trying to groom her.
He has no business being in her personal space ESPECIALLY if it makes her uncomfortable. Please remove yourself from MIL if you have to as well. Do whatever it takes to protect your child. It WILL be worth it in the end, I promise.
Clear_Emotion_8236 − Completely abnormal behaviour. I was a nanny for 10 years, and occasionally, grandparents would over indulge their grandchildren, but he is not biologically attached to your child. The fact that his behaviour changed so dramatically when your daughter was born is very strange indeed.
I would install a nanny cam in your home. I would not allow your daughter to be cared for in the MIL’s house in case her BF has any opportunities to be alone with your daughter. Out of interest, what does your husband think?
Logical-Fox5409 − When a toddler says no to someone, take them seriously. They can sense the person is a threat. So protect her as much as you can
Honest-Perspective30 − Thank you everyone, I will definitely standing my ground and enforcing no FaceTime / calls as well as no meeting my MIL’s BF. I will also be running a background check on him.
Embarrassed-Panic-37 − In the beginning my toddler would yell “NO (insert bf’s name)!” And now she seems to be coming around and brings up all the gifts .This part made me very nervous OP.
I would honestly ban MIL from even mentioning him in your daughter’s presence. NTA at all but I think you should be even stricter than you are now.
JubilantFairySpark − Trusting ur gut as a parent is never overreacting. If someone’s behavior makes u uncomfortable and ur toddler is visibly uneasy, you’re absolutely within your rights to set boundaries
Low-Care9531 − It’s honestly really weird that he ignores your daughter saying “no”. I know ppl from that generation have a different view of boundaries but the fact everyone involved has told him no at some point and he won’t hear it I’d concerning
McKinleysMom − YEP. That’s what he’s doing. It’s weird, unnatural, and if you have a gut feeling , DON’T IGNORE IT!! Your husband needs to face his mother and tell her that in no instance, will you be accepting any gifts unless they are purchased by her.
That this pedo BF is making you and his daughter uncomfortable and that you will not be going to her house if he is there, and he will not allow pedo to FaceTime his daughter EVER! Grandma’s feelings aren’t at stake here – your daughter’s safety IS!
This inability to stop ppl from crossing hard lines is what encourages pedos to do what they do! Imagine that you DON’T draw that line and just deal with the giant red flags that are everywhere, and one time, grandma babysits overnight, and your daughter is s**ually abused! That cannot be undone!
Why would you risk a lifetime of trauma for your child to spare the feelings of a pedo, and a grandma who wants to see the best in someone she likes, but he’s actually is a wolf in sheep’s clothing! This is how Diddy got away with his pedophile actions for decades. Parents LET him have their kids! Unreal!
Trusting your instincts as a parent is crucial, especially when it comes to your child’s comfort and boundaries. If someone repeatedly ignores those boundaries, your concerns are valid and worth addressing. What do you think about this situation? Share your thoughts below!