AITAH for telling my husband if he fights for custody of his kids I will divorce him?
A Reddit user shares the shock and anger she felt after her husband revealed he has two children from a previous relationship—a fact he’d kept hidden until recently.
When he expressed his desire to fight for joint custody to reduce child support, she made it clear she would leave him if he pursued this, as she has always been committed to a childfree life. Now, with tensions high, she questions if her stance makes her the antagonist in the situation. Read the full story below to learn more.
‘ AITAH for telling my husband if he fights for custody of his kids I will divorce him?’
I 27F am vehemently childfree, I am sterilized and have no intention of having or caring for any child. I married my husband, 33M, last year and did not know he had any children until 5 days ago.
I travel for work, work for myself, and have amazing pay for very few active working hours (I am a honeymoon planner, owning my own business); we have a joint account for bills and our own separate accounts for savings and fun money.
My husband sat me down 5 days ago and told me he hadn’t been completely honest with me. And revealed he has 2 children 10M and 7F. He pays regular child support, however, it dips into his fun money and he wants to be able to have fun like I am, so he said he would fight for 50/50 custody.
I was furious he had lied to me and was even more angry when he told me he wanted 50/50. He works 12-16 hour shifts as a nurse and that would mean I would have to take care of the children when I’m not working or are working from home. I told him if he fights for custody, I will leave him.
We have a prenup, so a divorce will be rather simple; I get 100% of my business, all of my savings and fun money, and the house, as I inherited it from my grandmother.
He called me an a**hole and told me I should step up so that he can have more money in his savings and for fun. And because the kids won’t be much hassle due to their ages. So AITA for telling him I will divorce him if he goes through with filing for custody?
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
SpringfieldMO_Daddy − NTA – a better title would be “Husband is a f**king l**r and I am divorcing him.”
Hi_Im_Dadbot − NTA. That’s a pretty f**king big lie of omission. Like … weirdly so. The type of thing which should come up in the first few dates, not the first few years of marriage. You do not know the man you married at all. He’s asking for a very drastic change to the life you guys agreed to, so you’re well within your rights to tell him to go f**k off about that b**lshit.
FloMoJoeBlow − NTA. He married you under false pretenses and is now looking for a nanny / sugar momma.
Pumpkinbatteri − I’d be divorcing him just over the lie itself, not to mention wanting the secret children in your lives, and his s**tty reason behind it. He’s a l**r, a bad/absent father, and a m**ipulative partner. Please divorce him.
Taapacoyne5 − NTA. Listen, this is not only about him lying to you. This is about him wanting 50% custody of kids he hasn’t visited in 3 years, in order to have some fun money. Those are f-ed up values. You should leave him for that.
kikikoni − NTA at ALL. If you wanted kids, you’d have had them already. He probably knew you didn’t want them, and wasn’t upfront about it. He could have chosen to tell you before you married him a year ago, but he didn’t.
He said “I do” KNOWING he was being dishonest, and did you a disservice. Imagine what else he could be dishonest about. Leave him. Edit to add: you COULD also consider an annulment.
knanocl − NTA. “I marry a woman who openly declares that she does not want to have children, so I hide from her that I have two children, what could go wrong?” Now is your turn: “move on and f**k the l**r!!!”
Mobile_Prune_3207 − NTA. You went into the marriage under the terms that it would be child free. He changed those terms by having two children he failed to disclose to you.
He also wants to change the terms of your living arrangements by having these kids that presumably, he doesn’t have that good a relationship with seeing that you didn’t know they existed until five days ago.
Frankly, he sounds like a terrible father. Only wanting custody under the misconception that he’ll have more fun money for it. Are the kids going to eat air while they’re around? Wash in the river? Sit in their rooms in the dark so they don’t run up any household expenses?
Shichimi88 − Nta. Activate your prenup. It’s time to divorce the lying husband. How did he hide his children from you for so long? Were you oblivious?
TarzanKitty − So, you married a deadbeat dad. Now, so he can pay less childcare. He expects you to be his free childcare? And, he lied and denied the very existence of his children. Divorce him either way.
Do you think the Redditor is justified in setting such a boundary, or should she try to support her husband’s desire for custody despite her childfree stance? How would you navigate such a surprising change in circumstances? Share your thoughts below!
Get an annulment, no divorce necessary, he LIED and married you under false pretenses. Give him nothing.
Why are you even asking this question? You should be having this conversation with your divorce lawyer.
I would get the he’ll out of dodge. This level of deception and cold heartened towards his flesh and blood isn’t covered by the phrase ‘red flag.’
This is a self involved, get what he wants by any means necessary person who is not capable of the type of love you believed you shared.
Thank God for no kids. Thank God for the prenup. You can walk away from this with minimum fallout and chalk it up to experience. I promise your heart will recover quickly and you will feel nothing but relieved you regained your freedom. The pain barrier is worth it.
Good luck OP.
ICaregorically NTA. would get the hell out of dodge. This level of deception and cold heartened towards his flesh and blood isn’t covered by the phrase ‘red flag’ or the asshole tag.
This is a self involved, get what he wants by any means necessary person who is not capable of the type of love you believed you shared.
Thank God for no kids. Thank God for the prenup. You can walk away from this with minimum fallout and chalk it up to experience. I promise your heart will recover quickly and you will feel nothing but relieved you regained your freedom. The pain barrier is worth it.
Good luck OP.
Honestly you ARE the AH and you are NOT the AH, this is a tough one! So starting with yes, these are kids from a previous relationship that he’s obviously realised (a little late) that he wants to step up and be a father for (for whatever reason) and while he has lied to you the fact that you are saying “them or me” is a dick move whatever way you look at it! (AH 1 point)
HOWEVER, he DID lie to you for at least a year (Not AH 1 point), either he was still seeing them behind your back (which is how it reads since he’s been using his “fun money”) or he’s just deliberately avoided them till now to spring them on you when he feels he’s ‘secured’ you as a partner!
Beyond a shadow of a doubt he is the bigger AH here, yes the ultimatum is an AH move, but you laid out the “rules” before you got married (Not AH 2 points).
For me, this goes beyond whether your an AH or not, and more into you need to cut and run now! If he lied to you about kids (especially ones that are as old as 10!!!!) What else could he be lying about? An affair? Illegal dealings? The list goes on!
In conclusion AH 1 point, but that is null and void since you wouldn’t need to be an AH had he come clean BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED!!!
Kick him to the curb. He’s a liar and a no good crappy Daddy looking to unload his spawn on you to take care of. If you go along with this you’ll be doing all of the childcare and paying for them out of your money while he goes and has fun without you.