AITAH for telling my husband I won’t cook dinner every night because I also work full-time?

A Reddit user shared her frustration about being the one responsible for cooking dinner every single night, despite both she and her husband working full-time jobs.

When she suggested sharing the load, her husband called it “not a big deal” and claimed she was overreacting. Was she being unfair, or is this a case of outdated expectations? Read the original story below to decide for yourself!

‘ AITAH for telling my husband I won’t cook dinner every night because I also work full-time?’

I (30F) have been married to my husband, Tom (32M), for 4 years. We both work full-time jobs—he works in IT, and I work in marketing. Despite us having similar work hours, I’ve somehow ended up being the one who cooks dinner every single night.

At first, I didn’t mind because I enjoy cooking, but over time, it’s become exhausting. Some days, I come home after a long day and just want to relax. Meanwhile, Tom comes home, sits on the couch, and waits for dinner to be served. He never offers to help with cooking or cleaning up afterward.

Last night, I told Tom that I’m done being the only one responsible for cooking dinner. I suggested that we split the responsibility—either he cooks a few nights a week, we take turns, or we order takeout sometimes.

Tom got defensive and said it’s “not a big deal” since I’m “better at cooking anyway” and that it’s something I’ve always done. He also said he’s too tired after work and doesn’t see why this needs to change. I got frustrated and told him it’s unfair to expect me to do everything when we both work.

Now he’s upset, saying I’m overreacting and making a big deal out of something small. He even told a couple of his friends, who are siding with him, saying “it’s just dinner.” So, AITAH for telling my husband I won’t cook dinner every night because I also work full-time?

See what others had to share with OP:

Annual-Abies-2034 −  NTA. If it’s a small deal and it’s just dinner, he can do it himself or order takeout.

ElsaAfterDark −  NTA. Sharing chores is fair since you both work full time. It’s not ‘just dinner’ when it adds to your workload.

Salt-Finding9193 −  ‘He never offers to clean up afterwards’ you have got to be kidding me. If he wants dinner he has to do the clean up. What are you doing with this big baby? Tell him to get off his lazy ass and cook and clean 3-4 days a week or it’s over. 

Ander-son −  I advise against having kids with this man

Frankifile −  Well if it’s not that big a deal he can do dinner for the next four years whilst you sit on your arse waiting to eat. These friends who think it’s not a big deal, they don’t cook every evening after coming home from work?

You need to properly talk, tell him if he really thinks it’s no big deal he’ll cook, he needs the practice anyway as you’re the better cook. Tell him he can follow YouTube videos. Or simple recipes online. I mean I’d just point blank refuse to cook from here on and be looking to split up if he doesn’t step up. But that may be too far for you.

Hot-Inside4672 −  “Its just dinner” can be said back to him why doesnt he try and do it for once HE CLEARLY KNOWS ITS TAXING IF HE DOESNT MAKE HIM DO IT

teenkkittyx −  You’re definitely not the a**hole. Y’all both work full-time, so it should be a team effort. He can’t just sit back and expect you to do everything. If he’s too tired, maybe he should learn to cook or order takeout sometimes.

Darkhead3380 −  NTA. If you two work the same hours, the chores should be split 50/50. Including the responsibility(!). Either he makes up for your cooking time in other activities (cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, …)

or he’s responsible for half of the meals. If he refuses to do his duties, just don’t cook for him. Or leave the AH immediately. It’s not the 50s any more.

budackee_10 −  Tell him that’s great, since it’s not a big deal then he can do it

ShadowSaiph −  NTA. I’m curious how the rest of the household chores are split. What does he do vs what do you do? Because if there’s a big unbalance in things, this is a bigger issue than just who cooks dinner every night.