AITAH for telling my husband I don’t want his mom in the delivery room?

A Reddit user (35 weeks pregnant) is facing a dilemma with her mother-in-law (MIL), who insists on being present in the delivery room despite the mom-to-be’s wishes for privacy. The MIL claims it’s “tradition” and has even packed a hospital bag, assuming she’s invited. While her husband initially supported her decision, his mom’s emotional pressure is causing tension, with the MIL now calling her controlling for setting boundaries. The question remains: is this mom-to-be wrong for wanting to protect her peace during labor and delivery?

‘ AITAH for telling my husband I don’t want his mom in the delivery room?’

I’m 35 weeks pregnant with our first child, and things are starting to get tense with my MIL. She’s been all over the place, saying it’s tradition for her to be there during the birth like she was for her other grandkids. She’s even started assuming she’ll be in the room with us when the time comes. I’ve always planned for it to just be me and my husband. I want the moment to be calm and private. I told my husband this, and at first, he was supportive. But now, his mom’s been pressuring him, saying it’s her grandchild too and she helped bring him into the world.

Last week, she showed up with a hospital bag for herself, ready to go. I told her nicely that I didn’t want anyone else in the room except my husband. She got upset and cried, saying I was taking away a special moment for her.

Now, my husband’s in the middle. He gets where I’m coming from but feels guilty about upsetting his mom. He even asked if I’d let her stay for early labor, but I said no. I need the space, and I don’t want to worry about her emotions while I’m in labor. She’s been talking behind my back to the family, calling me controlling. My husband thinks I should reconsider for the sake of their relationship, but I feel like I have to set boundaries. AITA?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

wakingdreamland −  Tell your lousy, cowardly doormat of a husband that if he keeps pestering you about how mommy should be there, *he* won’t be in the room either. Childbirth is not a spectator sport and the *only* view that matters is that if the person undergoing a messy, scary medical procedure. That’s you. Everyone else can f**k off, including your husband. Better to give birth alone than with people who will stress you out. NTA, but MIL and AH Husband sure are.

iDontGetCute92 −  NTA. Your delivery, your baby, your choice. I would – to be safe – make the hospital aware of who you want in the room with you. If she does turn up (I assume she will) they’ll refuse her entry, and you won’t have to deal with having to kick her out, or have any stressful interaction during labour. Her comment of helping bring your grandchild into the world, is wild! Sharing DNA and being physically involved in your grandchild being conceived are two VASTLY different things.

Your_Daddy_1972 −  NTA. Your husband needs to remove himself from “the middle” and be firmly on your side for this. He’s as much(if not more)of the problem for even entertaining her tantrum when you’ve expressly stated your wishes for when the time comes Child birth is stressful enough without having the added burden of someone else trying to hijack YOUR TIME.

themcp −  NTA. Why do we get one of these posts every couple weeks about a MIL who demands to be in the delivery room? What is it with current MILs that they don’t understand anything about boundaries?

dgf2020 −  NTA. Child birth is not a family fun time experience. It’s child birth, it’s painful and dangerous. You need to be prioritized here and his mom needs to learn her place in all of it and respect it. Enforce your boundaries now with your husband or this will just be a series of upsetting situations when she’s next telling you how to raise your kid and your husband will be still unsure if his own umbilical cord was ever cut.

“She helped bring him into the world”. This is a weird and disturbing comment for any grandmother to make. Boundaries, now. Edited to add, after thinking more she’s definitely the type to sneak into the room. Tell the medical team who is allowed and who definitely isn’t, they are amazing at keeping the right people in the room and the wrong ones out, I swear they would tackle a b*tch for a birthing mama if needed. Let them know.

BeautifulParamedic55 −  NTA. First and foremost it is a MEDICAL procedure. YOU are the only one who gets to decide who your support people are. Boy needs to man up otherwise this wont be the only thing she tries to steamroll.

Timely-Second2457 −  NTA, tell the hospital ASAP about who it allowed in the room. Those nurses will make sure your wishes are granted. She can be in the waiting room. You can throw my mom won’t even be there so your mom doesn’t get any special treatment.

LibrarianNeat1999 −  Funny how these limp d**k husbands can’t offend mommy but have no problem offending their actual wives.

AmberLila76 −  NTA. It’s your delivery, and you have the right to set boundaries. Your comfort matters most, and your husband should support that. Your MIL can meet the baby afterward.

writing_mm_romance −  Easy, if he puts the slightest pressure on you tell him he can keep his mother company in the waiting room.