AITAH for telling my girlfriend that if all she brings to the table is s** then she shouldn’t be surprised that’s what I want.
In any relationship, discussions about “what you bring to the table” can reveal deep-seated expectations and insecurities. In this case, a 29‑year‑old man recounts how, during a conversation about their future, he mentioned that his job, his consistent help with household chores, and the respect he shows his girlfriend are key contributions to their life together.
When his girlfriend, who is in school and contributes about 10% to their budget, expressed that those were merely the bare minimum, he joked that if all she brings is s**, then she shouldn’t be surprised that’s all he wants. Instead of taking it as playful banter, she felt demeaned, accusing him of reducing her value to only physical intimacy. This exchange has sparked an ongoing argument about fairness, support, and mutual contribution in their relationship.
‘AITAH for telling my girlfriend that if all she brings to the table is s** then she shouldn’t be surprised that’s what I want.’
Experts in relationship communication emphasize that discussions about contributions—both financial and non-financial—should recognize the full spectrum of each partner’s efforts. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “When partners talk about what they contribute to the relationship, it’s crucial to value both tangible and intangible efforts. Jokes that reduce one partner’s contributions to a single, simplistic element can be hurtful, as they ignore the complexity of what each person brings.”
In this situation, the comment about “bringing only s**” not only dismisses the girlfriend’s financial and emotional contributions but also oversimplifies the balance of responsibilities in a partnership. While humor is often used to diffuse tension, when it targets a core aspect of a person’s value, it can reinforce feelings of inadequacy.
Experts advise that in healthy relationships, partners should engage in open, respectful dialogue that acknowledges the diverse forms of support—be it emotional labor, household management, or financial contribution—rather than reducing one’s role to a single, demeaning stereotype.
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Many in the community agree that if you use humor to undermine a partner’s diverse contributions, it can be seen as dismissive and hurtful. One commenter remarked, “It’s one thing to joke around, but if your partner feels that you’re reducing her value to just sex, that’s a red flag.”
Others feel that while the remark might have been meant in jest, it reveals underlying issues of imbalance and lack of appreciation. Still, some suggest that if both partners can eventually laugh about it together, it might be a step toward addressing deeper concerns.
Ultimately, this story raises important questions about how we discuss and value our contributions in relationships. Is it acceptable to use humor in this way, or does it inadvertently dismiss the full range of what a partner offers? Should both partners work harder to acknowledge each other’s efforts, or was this just an offhand remark that got blown out of proportion?
We invite you to share your thoughts and experiences: Have you ever encountered a similar conversation about “what you bring to the table”? How do you balance humor and sensitivity in discussing relationship contributions?