AITAH for telling my Friends their Unhealthy Relationship with each other is why they are still single at 40?

A married man (38M) has been friends with Lauren (41F) and Carly (42F) for over a decade. Their close, codependent relationship raises some issues when Lauren expresses discomfort with the man’s close friendship with his female best friend, Marg (38F).

Tensions rise when Lauren accuses the man of having a “weird” relationship with Marg, and he retorts by criticizing Lauren and Carly’s unhealthy, codependent friendship as the reason they’re still single at 40. The fallout leads to hurt feelings and no contact from Lauren and Carly.

The man’s wife is upset, but agrees the friends’ relationship is too close. read the original story below…

‘ AITAH for telling my Friends their Unhealthy Relationship with each other is why they are still single at 40?’

Now I know it seems bad but there is a lot of contexts which may change how you see this issue so here it goes. Me (38M) and My Wife (39F) have been Married for 12 years, we met our friends let’s call Lauren (F41) and Carly (F42) about 3 years after we moved to our current city and 2 years before we got married (known for 14 years).

To say that they are close with each other is an understatement, they have lived together ever since we have known them, they love to go out together for drinks and get dinner together about once a week if not more, they will get waxes together, set up elaborate birthdays, and even got French Bulldogs together.

Before anyone says anything, they are strait and have boyfriends in the past though the longest relationship lasted only 1.5 years. We talk daily and hang out with them a lot as they live close to us so it is not hard.

They are mainly my Wife’s friends (I consider them my friends too, but she met them first), so she will spend time with them without me more than not and I don’t mind. They will invite us out frequently even with their other friends as well and we always have a good time.

One issue we have is occasionally if we can’t do something with them or go to hang with other friends without inviting them, they do get annoyed and will even say we don’t want to hang out with them. This will usually blows over quickly and we go back to acting like nothing ever happened.

They are definitely our closest friends even standing up in our wedding as Bridesmaids. Now we also have my friend Marg (38F), I have known her since grad school, and she is my best friend. Unfortunately, she lives about an hour away so we can only hang out maybe twice a month if that.

I have known her a little longer than my wife, but they have become close as well, Marg even helping me plan stuff for my proposal and was at our wedding. Marg has hung out many times with Lauren and Carly, they gotten along amazingly we all try to do a wine night once a month with some other friends too and there has never been an issue between them.

Once maybe twice a year Marg and I do a deep wilderness backpacking trip with some other friends of hers both guys and girls. My wife doesn’t come as it is not her thing, but we have done other trips in the past my wife has been on. She doesn’t have any issues with this at all and has never been jealous of Marg.

Currently our camping group is planning on a 5 day hiking trip in Minnesota/Canada, we have flights booked, trails mapped, food sorted, and bags packed. Marg is spending a night before the trip as we have an early flight and I live close to the airport.

We have had other friends spend the night before, so this isn’t an unusual occurrence. We leave this Saturday but two days ago we had over Lauren and Carly over for a Margareta and Taco night. All was usual we had drinks, played a couple board games, and had dinner.

However, Lauren brought up that is was weird how close I was to Marg, I responded by saying I didn’t think our relationship was weird. She said Guys and Girls shouldn’t have that close a relationship if they are just friends.

I asked what she meant by that, she said “Spending 5 days in the woods with your ‘Best Friend’ is a little weird with friends of the opposite s**”. I mentioned that we have done this for years and don’t even do it that often, we aren’t the only ones, and I go on more trips with my wife than I do with Marg.

My wife tried to jump in and say she fully trusted me and has never had any reason to doubt me. Carly hopped in saying “Just because you trust him doesn’t mean it isn’t weird”.

I was getting mad at this point and was about to say something when Lauren pipped up saying “I wouldn’t be surprised if something has happened between them in the past”. I was enraged by this, and this is the part I might be the.

I said “You two know nothing about a health relationship with friends, you two are so codependent that’s why you’re still single at 40.” They looked shocked and hurt then got up immediately and left. My wife tried to stop them, but they wouldn’t have it.

It has been a two days since the fight and we haven’t heard from them. My wife is a Mad at me for causing this issue but does understand they took it too far and does agree they are a little too close.

I leave in 3 days and I don’t want to leave my wife alone to deal with this mess but I have committed to this trip and would be hard to backout without affecting everyone going.. So AITAH?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

ComprehensivePut5569 −  NTA – They literally accused you of infidelity in front of your wife. No need for you to hold back after that. They both need to apologize to you and your wife then get some therapy to figure out their co-dependency. Honestly their friendship is way weird while you and Marg are incredibly normal.

Overall_Search_3207 −  NTA honestly, I can’t imagine how angry I would be if someone openly tried to sabotage my marriage. That’s what they did too, they tried to drive a wedge between you and your wife. People need to understand that that is a honest to god friendship ending action,

I would happily cut off anyone who tried to make me doubt my wife for no reason but their own issues.

FasterThanNewts −  Your wife needs to have your back and let that friendship go until they apologize. They were out of line. NTA

LumberBlack405 −  You can’t sit in my house and accuse me of cheating on my wife and get mad when I point out you life if weird as f**k in response

island_lord830 −  NTA I may not like mixed gendered friendships but those two asked for it. They kept pushing and insulting you and Marg. Flat out calling you both cheaters infront of your wife. Who the f**k has the balls to say s**t like that and not expect a verbal backhand in return?

BeachinLife1 −  Your wife is mad at you for causing the issue? THEY caused the issue by coming into your home and accusing you of cheating on your wife to your face. I’m sorry, at that point, all bets were off. If they can’t take it they shouldn’t dish it out.

Your wife doesn’t have to deal with anything, it’s THEIR mess. They should keep their traps shut when no one is asking their opinion…or they might get an opinion back that they don’t like!

Adventurous-Emu-755 −  NTA Wow! Ever been the one put in the “friendzone” or put someone in the “friendzone”? There are just some people who know this person of the opposite s** (or same with those who are gay/bi) is just “friend” material. I like them but not romantically or s**ual.

It takes maturity too, so there might be the issues with those who have no clue. IMHO, you told Lauren and Carley are co-dependent and I find it immature that if you and your wife do something with others, they are jealous? Why? They have one another?

To read that there would be something with you and Marg and your wife has no issues, is friends with her too and you go off in the wilderness not just with Marg but others too on those trips? Maybe it is good to distance yourselfs from those two for a bit.

LittleMissWright −  NTA. These two trying to plant seeds of doubt and poison your happiness because they’re mentally imbalanced is not ok. Just because they can’t have independent and long lasting relationships doesn’t make it acceptable for them to try to ruin yours.

I will say this: they are going to try to go behind your back (to your wife) and continue to do this. They see you’ll not stand for it, now they’ll do it in the shadows.

Beware and act appropriately with dealing with that potential. I’d discuss that potential with your wife and ask her how she wants to proceed, make a deal as a couple and stick to that deal.

Difficult_Ad_5295 −  NTA relationships and friendship come in all forms, your wife isn’t bothered so why should the opinion of 2 people outside your relationship matter? You told it how it was, and they were trying to start some drama between you and your wife. Good for you.

Maximum_Honeydew3041 −  NTA f**k around and find out lol

While his friends’ comments were hurtful and unfair, was the man’s response justified, or did he go too far with his harsh words? Should he have handled it differently, or was it justifiable frustration? Share your thoughts below!