AITAH for telling my father I don’t really care about my half brother?

A 30-year-old woman explains her lack of emotional connection to her 3-year-old half-brother, born when her father was 59 and to a woman close to her age. Her father frequently sends photos and insists on referring to the child as “your brother,” which makes her uncomfortable, given the significant age gap and distance—she lives in another country and has never met the boy.

When her father questioned her indifference, she admitted she doesn’t feel a sisterly bond, leading to a meltdown where he accused her of being disrespectful and denying family ties. read the original story below…

‘ AITAH for telling my father I don’t really care about my half brother?’

I’m a 30F, and my dad (62M) has a child (3M) with a woman who’s only 5–6 years older than me (35-36F). My parents divorced 13 years ago, so I don’t care about him dating or marrying someone else—or even having more kids. That’s his life.

Of course, I thought having a child at 59 was pretty irresponsible, but it’s already done. The child is here, and none of this is his fault. It’s now up to my dad to figure things with him out, including his complicated relationship with the child’s mother.

The issue is that my dad keeps sending me photos of the child, constantly referring to him as “your brother.” I mostly ignore it because I don’t want to fight with him over this. But honestly, it bothers me.

I have no emotional connection to this child, no sense of responsibility toward him, I don’t really care about seeing him, and when my dad says “your brother,” it honestly makes me cringe a lot. Recently, my dad sent me more photos of the child, and I responded with something generic like, “wow, that’s one big child.”

My father didn’t bring it up at the time, but during our next phone call, he asked me why I didn’t show any interest in my “brother.” I calmly explained that I don’t feel any sisterly connection to him because I have never seen him (I live in a different country) and also partially due to the fact that,

given the age gap, he could just as easily be my own child (I don’t have any children of my own). That didn’t go over well. My dad had a meltdown, saying that I was being disrespectful, denying blood relations, and refusing to accept the child as my brother.

He then told me I “can’t say things like that” and abruptly hung up on me. AITAH for being honest about not being interested in the life of my father’s child?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

SweetDemureBabyy12 −  NTA. Just because someone is biologically related to you, doesn’t mean you automatically have to form a bond with them. Your dad needs to respect your boundaries and not force a relationship with your half brother on you.

angelllmeow −  NTA. Like, it’s not your job to play big sis when you don’t even know the kid. Your dad’s feelings are valid, but so are yours. You’re just being real, not mean.

busyshrew −  NTA. I’m sorry to say this, buuut. I think your Dad is overreacting, in part, because he was hoping that he could foster a relationship between you two, as a backup plan for his young son. 59 is old to become a parent.

I’m sure he’s conscious of his age and approaching mortality. And I am sure he would love it, if you would step up and ‘be there’ as a 2nd parent for his child.
But you are absolutely under NO obligation to do this.

I actually think it’s a very good thing that you were blunt and honest with your Dad, so that he can really deal with the ramifications of his age in relation to his son’s, come to terms with it, and make plans. He will absolutely need to.

Adventurous-Smile251 −  NTA Sounds like your father is looking for back up childcare, in the form of you.

Remruna −  I’m in the same boat… sorta but kinda reversed? My dad was 56 when I was born, I am his third child and only daughter. He already had two sons who was about your age when I came along. There has never been a sibling bond, barely even a familial one.

Not on my part or their part, neither side ever fought for that closeness…possibly because no one was stupid enough to push for that with a ~30 age gap, I don’t know but I completely understand their side. My nephew is literaly my age, only 9 months younger.

What  could me and my half brothers possibly have bonded over? They were full grown adults with wifes and kids when I was still in diapers! And they didn’t live that close either so I ever only saw them a handful of times a year.

There is no way they could ever see me as a sister and an equal and I don’t blame them one bit. Your dad is ridiculous to think that just because you share some DNA you would feel this immense sibling love for a kid you haven’t even seen in person.

Some people maybe is able to muster that love for what is essentially a stranger soley on the basis of being “siblings” but it’s completely normal and understandable that you are indifferent. If your dad can’t handle hearing that it’s due to his failure to process reality. . Nta 

I_wanna_be_anemone −  NTA just because you both came out the same nutsack doesn’t make you have a family bond in any way, shape or form. The results of your dads mid-late life crisis are not your responsibility.

Considering he might not even live long enough to see the poor kid make it to 18, he’s probably panicking about the boy having no contact with his side of the family. Especially if the mother has issues with him.  Old man is having a hissy fit being reminded of his age and poor life choices. Go low contact and keep your own peace. It’s not worth the chaos. 

Similar-Traffic7317 −  NTA I bet he wants YOU to look after his child for him.

Orsombre −  Ouch. So reminding him he had the age of being your kid’s grand-father did not go well? Your father sounds a lot like a ageing spoilt b**t who wants to pretend he is still a young man.. NTA, OP!

No-You5550 −  You hit a nerve with saying he could be your child. Your dad is at an age where he may worry about what happens if he dies. He could literally be thinking you might one day be needed to raise your brother.

Clairbare −  NTA. They’re are times when it’s best to not say things and there are times when you’re pushed into a corner and it needs to come out. Your dad pushed and didn’t like the answer. How could you possibly have bonded with a three year old child that you’ve never seen? It’s not a reasonable expectation.

Is OP wrong for not feeling connected to her half-brother, or is her father expecting too much? How would you handle such a situation? Share your thoughts below!