AITAH for telling my daughter I won’t break up with my girlfriend just because she doesn’t like her?

A Reddit user shared their experience dealing with their 15-year-old daughter’s reaction to their new relationship. After divorcing his wife amicably due to her emotional affair, the user started dating a new partner and recently moved her in. The daughter feels strongly that the relationship is disrespectful to her mom, expressing discomfort with the girlfriend being in her mom’s former spaces.

The user acknowledged her feelings but firmly stated that he wouldn’t break up with his girlfriend and plans to marry her next year. He emphasized that while the daughter doesn’t need to like his girlfriend, she will have to come to terms with the relationship. Read the full story below…

‘ AITAH for telling my daughter I won’t break up with my girlfriend just because she doesn’t like her?’

My ex wife and I finalised our divorce proceedings a couple of years ago. I had fallen out of love with her for a multitude of reasons, the biggest being her emotional affair which lasted a couple of weeks. My ex wife did try really hard to save the marriage, but my feelings for her had almost evaporated after her emotional affair. The divorce was painful, but it was also amicable because for both of us our daughter’s well being was our first priority.

I started dating my girlfriend last year, and I introduced her to my daughter a couple of months ago. My girlfriend moved in last month, and I plan on proposing to her at Christmas. My daughter, who’s 15 now, obviously has strong feelings about it and I understand it, but I think she will just have to get over it at some point. My girlfriend is really nice to my daughter, and my daughter hasn’t really had any complaints about my girlfriend, she just thinks what I’m doing is very disrespectful to her mom.

Last night, my daughter told me she doesn’t like my girlfriend, that she’s sleeping in the place her mom used to sleep in, sit it the couch her mom used to sit on etc. She thinks my girlfriend looks very happy because it’s a dream come true for her to live such a nice life, and it’s not fair to her mom.

I told my daughter I wasn’t going to break up with my girlfriend, in fact, I was going to marry her next year. I told my daughter she doesn’t have to like my girlfriend, but she will have to get over it. AITAH?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Unlikely-Regret-7938 −  Wait…. You started dating last year (so you’ve been together for about 1 year), your daughter just met her (about two months ago) and she’s already moved in? Now you’re telling your daughter you’re marrying her? For your daughter, that’s way too fast! She didn’t even had the time to know your girlfriend. Of course she doesn’t like her. Yes, YTA for telling your daughter that instead of listening to her and talking to her about what’s going on.

Sea-Wash7005 −  Man that timeline is just messed up… You have left almost zero room for your daughter to get to know your new girlfriend. Of course she’s going to dislike this woman taking her mother’s place. They are essentially still strangers. Edit: obligated OMG THANKS FOR AWARDS..

Bricknuts −  YTA for moving her in a month after introducing them, obviously. You kind of glossed over a lot of things so I suspect it was less than that too.

Chaoticgood790 −  YTA you introduced them and now you’re moving her in and proposing in the span of a few months. Like in terms of s**t parenting this is it. She barely had time to get used to the news and you keep springing more s**t on her.. Do better.

LimeInternational856 −  YTA for your attitude towards your daughter. She is still coming to terms with your divorce and telling her to basically s**k it up is only going to push her away. She can legally cut you off completely in three years, is that a risk you want to take?

dusty_relic −  OP, what kind of parent brings some random stranger into the house and into the family dynamics like that? And yes, she _is_ a random stranger, at least from the viewpoint of a 15 year old who doesn’t even know this woman.. The timeline went from:. 12 months ago: started dating. 3-10 months ago: still dating but no interaction between daughter & gf. 2 months ago: “Meet my girl friend… 1 month ago: … She lives here now, and … 0 months ago: … we’re getting married in a minute.”

During the several months between meeting your gf and letting her move in, you (hopefully) had time to get to know her but your daughter hasn’t had any time whatsoever. You just dropped your gf/fiancée on your daughter like a bomb and now you’re telling her to take the resulting explosion with her when she leaves because you don’t want it in your home.

Meanwhile you have not even taken the smallest steps to change anything in your home to avoid the impression that your life is exactly the same as ever except mom has been edited out and this new inserted in your ex’s spot like some sort of “change all occurrences“ operation in an office document.

And then you dismiss your daughter’s feelings without a moment’s thought. She probably is concerned that soon your love for her will also just “evaporate”, and from where I am sitting her concern looks valid. One of the problems with Reddit is that there’s no way to increase the font to some obscenely large size as I write: YTA.

Edit to add: BTW, you are an extremely large a**hole for even considering marriage to someone whose relationship with your daughter is not yet even established much less healthy. Your number one priority should be your daughter.

And you have basically decided the whole trajectory of moving in this new person and shoving her into your daughter’s life without any discussion with your daughter about it or even any consideration of your daughter whatsoever. The amount of assholery that you have committed and have planned to commit is massive and could swallow galaxies. You don’t deserve to be a parent.

NoZookeepergame9552 −  YTA. You introduced her a couple months ago and moved her in last month? So gave her no time to get to know your gf as a person or adjust to the idea of her existing let alone moving in. Then a few weeks later you plan to escalate again and propose on Christmas. And you are surprised your teenage daughter is struggling to adjust knowing her mom didn’t want the divorce? It is all way too fast for her, and as a father you should have known that.

And if you missed it as a father you should have listened to what her issue was – which is missing her mom not your girlfriend. You have serious main character syndrome and are a terrible father. You do get to move on, but you need to spend time helping your daughter move on in a respectful way not tell her to get over it. That was so dismissive of her emotions, making you lazy and selfish as well.

2npac −  So the last sentence of your first paragraph is a complete lie then? YTA. She’s clearly struggling with the divorce and your response was to throw it in her face that you don’t give a s**t what she thinks – she just has to get the f**k over it. Some dad you are. Get to the bottom of her issues. Listen to why she’s struggling. Get her into therapy. Divorce might have been amicable for you and your ex but your daughter was also involved and impacted.

DogTheBotHunter −  To be clear, your daughter tried telling you she’s struggling with her parents divorce and your response was to say “I’m not going to break up with my girlfriend”? She didn’t even ask you to. She asked for comfort and you accused her of trying to break you up. What the heck lol. YTA.

mrRabblerouser −  YTA. You’re daughters not a cock block dude. She’s your child, whom you’re intentionally disregarding the feelings and wellbeing of because you want easier access to your girlfriend. I’d say grow the hell up and become a better dad before even considering getting remarried, but you won’t, and I’d wager this marriage will go the same way the previous one did.