AITAH for telling my Dad’s girlfriend the house she lives in is 0% hers and to expect nothing

A 41-year-old recounts a tense family situation involving their father’s long-term girlfriend, a house partially owned by the storyteller, and a conflict over misunderstandings and entitlement. After years of financial support and an offer to explore a multi-generational home, the situation escalated into accusations and mistrust. Was the storyteller justified in setting firm boundaries? Read the full story below…

‘ AITAH for telling my Dad’s girlfriend the house she lives in is 0% hers and to expect nothing’

5+ years ago I(41) used my 401k to put a down payment on a house for my dad (69) and his longtime gf(73). I am co-owner with him. She pays 400$/mo. They’re poor and on fixed incomes, i grew up poor but have good job. Dad was a good dad. She has always been incredibly negative full of complaints and obvs has huge unhealed childhood trauma.

They are aging poorly. I wanted to look at selling their house and buying a large multi generational home this year. Dad told me she was freaking out and I said she can keep freaking out. She apparently thought I was selling their house and leaving them homeless and buying myself a house, and yelled at me through the phone i could freak out cause “she wasn’t going anywhere”,

and after the call made comments about how much rent she has paid and how she deserves something and threatened my dad with or I’ll get a lawyer. I was absolutely devastated she would even think I would do that. I have been quite generous, always fair and forward. Paid the water bill at almost 200/mo. Buy a pallet of pellets each winter.

Got them new kitchen appliances a few years ago. When she realized she had the wrong end of the stick she tried to pretend like it didn’t happen. No apology, just try to sweep it under the rug. I couldn’t let it fly. I realized there was no way I could now share a roof with this person.

I gave it month and then sent her an email explaining I owe her nothing, thats not how rent works, she has no say in the sale or share in the proceeds, and she should reconcile with her own child (local, a**oholic, also poor) so if my father passes first she will have some support, because I will not support her in any way including rent the house to her.

That she will never be welcome to share my roof after this and there will be no further offer of a multi generational home. And that im not comfortable paying the water bill any longer bc it’s in her name and also I just bought my dad a truck for 5k (in my name) im now paying insurance and maintenance on it.

She called when she got the email and tried to pretend half of it never happened, that she never insinuated it would take 20k to make her go away. My dad chimed in and she caved. Then we had it wrong. That she didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t believe her and she called me evil. Then it was dad’s fault for not giving her enough detail and that’s why she flew off the handle. I told her it didn’t matter and have a nice life.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

MisaOEB −  Just be careful that your dad doesn’t leave her he share the house. I’m not sure what way the deed was set up, but just check that that can’t happen.

germanium66 −  Are you sure your dad hasn’t willed her his half of the house already?

Wackadoodle-do −  INFO: How is the deed registered? Others have pointed out that your dad may leave her his share of the house, but that depends entirely on how it’s owned.  I assume (hope) you were wise enough to have it JTRS so if/when your dad dies, the house is 100% yours.  If that’s the case, do make sure he hasn’t tried to change it to TIC.

Better yet would be to have the house in a trust where it passes within your family no matter what and that she can’t get her hands on it. Would your dad be willing to be taken off the deed?

If he’s in such poor financial shape, is he even on the mortgage? If not, you are really screwing yourself because you are on the hook for the house and he isn’t. Regardless, you are NTA, but please see a real estate attorney and protect yourself!

ImNotBothered80 −  Look into putting  the house in a trust.  That will prevent her from inheriting. A legal advisor told me a trust is harder to challenge than a will.

lostpassword100000 −  Your dad needs to get a month to month lease with her. If he dies, she may have squatters rights depending on the state you live in.

Competitive_Sleep_21 −  Do not buy a multigenerational house for them. Sell and get them into a low income senior apartment.

OldTurkeyTail −  What’s really ironic is that when your father passes (many years from now), she’ll be in the position she was so worried about – when she misunderstood your intentions and freaked out.

writingisfreedom −  NTA. I’d look at common law marriages just on case she does

CurlyNaturally −  Some people don’t understand the phrase, “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you”; though they always seem to fafo. At least now your dad’s girlfriend knows where you stand, but I would consult with a family lawyer to shore things up legally to protect you and your dad.

Character_Handle6199 −  So many financial mistakes – using 401k, owning the house with your dad, having her pay rent, buying your dad’s truck. You’ve put yourself into financially dangerous binds. Hope it all works out in your favor. Consult an attorney though to understand the mess you are in.

Was the decision to set clear boundaries and withdraw further support fair, or was it too harsh considering the circumstances? Share your perspective below!