AITAH for telling my boyfriend to get out after he slapped me?

A Reddit user shared a deeply personal story about a heated argument with her boyfriend that crossed a serious line when he slapped her. Shocked and hurt, she immediately told him to leave her apartment.

But now she’s grappling with whether her reaction was too harsh or completely justified. To read the full account of what happened, see the story below…

‘ AITAH for telling my boyfriend to get out after he slapped me?’

I (25F) have been with my boyfriend, Tom (27M), for about a year and a half. We’ve had our ups and downs, but nothing too serious until recently. A few days ago, we got into a heated argument over something relatively small—he was upset that I had made plans with some friends without checking with him first.

Things escalated, and in the middle of the argument, he suddenly slapped me across the face. I was in complete shock. It wasn’t a playful or accidental slap—it was hard, and it hurt. I couldn’t believe it. In that moment, all I could think was that this crossed a line that I never expected.

I immediately told him to get out of my apartment. He seemed equally shocked by what he did and started apologizing right away, saying it was a “heat of the moment” thing and that he didn’t mean to hurt me. But I wasn’t interested in hearing his excuses.

I told him I needed him to leave so I could process what had just happened. He tried to stay and talk it out, but I stood firm and told him to go. Eventually, he left, but he’s been texting me constantly, saying he’s sorry, that he loves me, and that he didn’t mean for it to happen.

He’s begging for another chance and promising it’ll never happen again. Since then, I’ve been struggling with whether I overreacted by kicking him out immediately. Some of my friends say I did the right thing, that I should never tolerate physical violence in any form.

But others have suggested that I might have acted too quickly and should have at least let him explain or worked it out instead of throwing him out right away, especially since this is the first time something like this has ever happened.

I know what he did was wrong, but part of me wonders if I should have handled it differently, especially since we’ve never had an issue like this before.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Quinniofthegreen −  The fact that he slapped you during an argument about you making plans without checking with him sounds like you have more problems than just the slap-sounds like he has some control issues too. You’re better off without those kinds of red flags in your life. NTA

Imaginary-Yak-6487 −  NTA. After the 1st slap or hit, it’s easier to do. it again & again & again & again.. Stay away from him.

AsuraRathalos −  NTA it has escalated from harsh words to s**age action. Your relationship is now over, mourn it and movie on

pixie-ann −  NTA this world is full of regretful DV survivors (mostly women) who wish they had dumped their partner at the first slap.
Have a good hard think over all his behaviours.

Does he slam doors, punch walls, break things or hit the table hard with his hands when he’s angry? Have you ever seen him road rage? Is he in any way controlling of your time, who you stay in contact with or your money?

Does he whittle down your self esteem by being overly critical of little mistakes (the same mistakes we all make and that we should be able to fix and laugh off, not be reminded of endlessly). Have a look online at the various DV websites that will list the warning signs. How many of the boxes does he tick?

Quiet_Village_1425 −  They always say they’re sorry. It won’t be his last time either. D**p him. No woman should put up with any type of violence. By letting him come back and staying with him you’re telling him it’s okay and his slap was acceptable.

Acceptable-March-897 −  NTA. Physical violence is never okay, no matter the circumstances. You did the right thing by kicking him out. His apology doesn’t excuse his actions, and you don’t owe him another chance. Prioritize your safety and well-being.

DCHacker −  I hope that Original Poster threw him out—***PERMANENTLY***. If he does it the first time, it will ***not*** be the last. Violent abusers frequently are highly apologetic after an incident.

But others have suggested that I might have acted too quickly and should have at least let him explain or worked it out instead of throwing him out. Anyone who tells Original Poster that she should give abuse such as this a pass *ain’t* her friend.. NTAH

NeeliSilverleaf −  NTA. He can STAY fucked off.

Feycat −  So here’s the thing, sis. It was a heat of the moment thing and he didn’t mean to do it? That means that he can’t control himself. It means he can never say “I won’t do it again” because he didn’t ‘mean to’ this time.

It means every time you get into a fight with him you have to worry about him hitting you because apparently he has no self-control and this can “just happen in the heart of the moment. “. Don’t do it. Don’t do it.

chaosfaction2016 −  NTA. He didn’t “accidentally” slap you. It was a choice, no matter how “in the moment” it was. Physical violence isn’t something you tolerate or “work through” is something you run away from like HELL NO!!, and kicking him out was the right way to protect yourself.

First time or not, it’s a massive red flag and staying could put you at risk of it happening again. Girl stick to your decision, you deserve to feel safe in your own home and relationship. Just my opinion 🤷🏼‍♀️☺️.

Was the Redditor right to draw a firm boundary and demand her boyfriend leave after such an incident, or should she have taken more time to hear him out? How would you handle a situation where trust and safety are suddenly called into question? Share your thoughts and perspectives below!