AITAH for telling my boyfriend I wouldn’t date him if he was trans?

A Reddit user (18F) and her boyfriend (19M) have been together for two years. During a casual conversation, her boyfriend asked her if she would still date him if he were trans. She responded honestly, saying she wouldn’t, as she isn’t attracted to women. He became upset and accused her of being transphobic. After an argument, he told her to leave his house, and now, friends are asking about the situation. The user feels like she is being gaslit into feeling guilty. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for telling my boyfriend I wouldn’t date him if he was trans?’

I (18F) have been dating my bf, C (19M) for about two years. Our relationship is usually pretty good, but recently we had this really weird conflict where I feel like I’m being gaslighted into feeling like the villain. The other day, me and C were at his house, watching tv, and then he suddenly asked me. “Would you still date me if I was trans?”

I am 100% a cishet girl, and although I am an ally, I wouldn’t date a trans-girl, even if she was my SO before the transition. I told him something along the lines of “No, because I’m not attracted to women” Then he got really weird and angry. He started talking about how it shouldn’t matter what gender he was because I loved him and we have been dating for a long time. Then he called me transph*bic.

I was really taken aback by this attack because of a hypothetical statement, so I told him it wasn’t transph*bic to not want to date someone of a gender you’re not attracted to. Then I asked im why he was getting his pages in a bunch because of this weird scenario. He told me to leave the house.

That was 4 days ago and now although the typical Redditor scenario of his grandma’s dog texted us ranting or something didn’t happen, our friends have asked us what’s going on because they know something happened. I feel bad because he genuinely thought I was being an arsehole for my answers even though I thought they were respectful to the trans community. AITAH?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Asleep_Region −  NTA but I think your boyfriend is questioning his gender identity.

FranciscoDAnconia85 −  NTA. You are always allowed to have preferences in who you choose to date. Don’t let anyone shame you into believing otherwise.

lydocia −  Not dating tranwomen as a straight woman is validating their identity. I can’t gauge whether your boyfriend is an egg and struggling with that, or if he’s just obnoxiously picking a fight, but personally I’d tell him to stop bringing it up or we’d break up.

peakpenguins −  So… does he feel like he might be trans? Because that’s a really weird thing to get upset about if not. I mean, “would you still date me if I were a woman?” is essentially the same question, and sounds like your answer would still be no, because you’re a straight woman who is attracted to men…. NTA.

SamNottSam −  As a trans person myself, no, NTA. It’s anyone’s right to want to date/not want to date. 1. someone of the same gender. 2. someone who is trans. It doesn’t make you transph*bic at all. Your bf either is trans or there’s something ekse going on, but he is TA for yelling at you.

AlwaysHelpful22 −  You can date (or not) anyone for any reason. NTA. You can BOTH. (1) be an ally and support transg*nder folk, and (2) choose to not date a transg*nder person. Your bf is an AH for calling you names and accusing you of things that aren’t true. He clearly does not respect or love you.

PilferedPendulum −  This is as obnoxious behavior as someone telling a gay person, “Why can’t you just stop being g*y?” This person is essentially telling you to change your s**ual orientation to suit them in a currently hypothetical situation. Beyond the fact that it’s selfish, it’s designed to punish you because there’s no winning here. You end up being made an a**hole either way: if you say no, you’re somehow transph*bic; if you say yes, you’re lying to appease someone.. S**tty move.

deer-behind-the-wolf −  OP, I sadly have some experience on this field, so I’ll tell you the truth:. HE IS TRANS. Do not delude yourself into believing this was just a hypothetical scenario. TRUST THE SIGNS. The anger about your reply? It says it all. This relationship is done. Cut your loses and move on.

mangoawaynow −  NTA, but they definitely have something to tell you…

MotherTeresaOnlyfans −  Ma’am, as a trans woman, I have some unfortunate news about your “boyfriend.”