AITAH for telling my bil to F off after he called my son a girl for being in therapy?

A Redditor shares a heated family conflict that unfolded at a gathering, triggered by comments from his brother-in-law (BIL) regarding his son’s therapy sessions. The user’s son, who is dealing with the loss of a close friend, has been attending therapy to cope.

When the BIL derogatorily labels the boy for seeking help, the user stands up for his son, leading to an explosive confrontation. His wife, however, disapproves of his response, sparking tension in their marriage. Read the original story below to see how a moment of parental protection turned into a familial showdown.

‘ AITAH for telling my bil to F off after he called my son a girl for being in therapy?’

My (38m) 15 year old son has been in therapy for the past few months after his best friend died. It was hard on him and while I’ve always been there to help him, my wife and I felt that having a therapist would be best. He seems to be making a lot of progress, so I know it’s working.

Unfortunately, my bil is a men shouldn’t express emotions kind of guy. I’ve always thought that was bs, so I made sure my wife and I were on the same page about not letting that happen. Last night there was a family gathering. My son had just had his therapy session, so we picked him up and drove there.

While we there, my son was telling me about something they talked about, and my bil must have overheard, because he started on a tangent about boys not needing therapy and calling him a girl. I was pissed at him and told him to F off and that right now my son is more of a man than he is.

I admit that I might have gone a little too far, but I was defending my son. But I don’t think someone who shames someone else for being healthy while also being sexist is being a “man”. My bil just glared at me and stormed out of the house. My wife told me that we were leaving so I got my son and we left.

My son didn’t say much the rest of night, but my wife sure did. She was mad at me for doing that, and saying I disrespected her brother. I tried to explain I was just defending my son from him, but she wouldn’t take it and is ignoring me.

I’m still mad over this. My son was shamed for expressing his emotions and then everyone gets mad at me for defending him. But all of their reactions are making me second guess myself and wondering if I’m the a**hole. Aitah?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

NorthwestPassenger −  NTA. Great job demonstrating what a parent is to your son, ask your wife to take notes.

ResurrectionScary −  NTA Did not go too far. If your brother in law is such a “girl” that he can’t handle a little verbal abuse and emotional confrontation, he shouldn’t start s**t.
(Also I don’t think being sexist and calling someone a girl is ever okay, I just find it amusing that the brother in law is so fragile that he went storming out for getting called s**t, when he feels perfectly free to be as much of an obnoxious ass as he wants. As usual, the “alpha males” are always but always so very, very fragile).

Non3ya_bizzy −  1000% NTAH – you as a father stood up for your son, doesn’t matter who the disrespect is coming from, good job for protecting him

cnycompguy −  You already know that you’re in the right here.. NTA
You’re never the a**hole for sticking up for your kids

kfinlay90 −  NTA. BIL is sexist and obviously needs therapy more than your son (I applaud you for seeking help for your son). BIL is t**ic and should be avoided. There should be a new family rule, no contact with him until he apologizes properly. It’s funny that he is calling your son a girl when he’s acting like a child.

I’m flabbergasted about your wife’s response. Is your son biologically her’s, or is she the step mom? Either way, get couples therapy if you want to fix this. If she is the step mom and says no, divorce and run. I have a brother and if he said that to my son; I would be making the scene, not my husband.

The rule with spouse’s families are, you deal with your’s and they will deal with their’s. But it sounds like she didn’t even attempt to do that or believe that her son should be defended. This isn’t an appropriate response from a mother. Something isn’t right… I’d say your response is appropriate and I would avoid all of her family’s gatherings if BIL is there and do not allow your son near him.

Smarterthntheavgbear −  So, your wife would rather placate her ignorant brother than defend her own child?? Kind of sounds like she agrees with her brother. It takes a strong person to recognize they are struggling and get help; reaching out is the hardest part and judgemental people like your bil and wife are the reason why many people suffer in silence. Great parenting on your part! Encourage him to continue, losing a close friend at 15 is traumatic.. NTA

Carolinamama2015 −  NTA I’d start talking to your wife about divorce, and when she gets upset and suggests couples counseling, tell her. “Well, according to you and your brother, I’m a man, so I don’t need counseling”

AccomplishedScene966 −  NTA your bil is a pussy and an a**hole. Your wife is a slight a**hole, seems she cares more about her brothers feelings than your son. Your son will likely appreciate your action more than he shows.

CanisArie −  NTA, is she his stepmother? Is that why she doesn’t protect him from her vile brother?

Signal_Historian_456 −  NTA – The fact she’s more worried about her poor baby brothers feelings than your sons health and well being is beyond concerning. I’d give her hell fire for that and die on that hill.

Was the user justified in defending his son against his BIL’s outdated views, or did he cross a line by being disrespectful? How should parents navigate conflicts with relatives regarding their children’s mental health? Share your opinions below!