AITAH for telling my bf that his exes faked their orgasms?
A Reddit user shared a difficult conversation with her boyfriend, where she revealed that his exes may have faked their orgasms and admitted to faking one herself early in their relationship. The discussion led to tension, leaving her unsure if she crossed a line. Read the full story below to see how it all unfolded…
‘ AITAH for telling my bf that his exes faked their orgasms?’
I’ve (F24) been with my boyfriend (M24) for going on 2 years now. Before I dated him, I only had one other sexual partner. My boyfriend has had around 10- a few ex-girlfriends and other casual s** partners. Ours is the longest relationship that he or I have ever been in.
Anyway, the other day he and I were talking about things we like in bed, stuff we wanted to try, etc. and he mentioned that he doesn’t think we’re 100% sexually compatible. This concerned me because as far as I could tell, we have a great s** life. He said one of his favorite things about s** is being able to make his partner orgasm, particularly through penetration, and I can’t do that.
Now let me just say, my boyfriend makes me orgasm. Usually through oral, or he’ll use a vibrator on me, or I’ll use one while doing penetration, etc. point is, he makes me come and I’m very satisfied with him. I don’t have a lot to compare him to but he’s definitely better than my last partner lol.
But he told me that all his previous girlfriends were able to come from penetration. I tried telling him most girls can’t come from penetration alone so it’s not like I’m weird, and he said he didn’t not believe me, it’s just that his previous partners could do it. He still likes having s** with me, he just wishes I could do that too because it’s really hot.
Anyway, I went to my OBGYN a couple days later and asked her about it because I felt kind of insecure and told her his previous partners could come from penetration. She basically interrupted me and said “they were faking it. Most women cannot come from penetration alone and need clitoral stimulation as well.
They also often feel pressure in the moment to have an orgasm to satisfy their partner, which was most likely the case.” So fast forward to last night, we were talking, and I told him what my gynecologist said- that it’s normal for women to not be able to orgasm from penetration alone, to need clitoral stimulation, and it’s likely that his previous partners (at least some of them) faked their orgasms to make him feel better.
He was pretty put off by this and accused me of saying he was bad in bed, and I have no idea whether these girls actually faked it or not. He would have been able to tell if they did. I said no he couldn’t because I faked it once and he never knew. It was one time only, very early in our relationship, he was going down on me for a while and while it felt good, my head wasn’t in it at the time, so I just faked it.
I haven’t done it since and never will. This made him pretty upset and he went home instead of staying the night like he was supposed to. He hasn’t answered my texts from this morning, and I just feel like I messed up. AITAH?
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
DataAdvanced − SOMEONE had to tell him. Too many guys think this, and we women need to stop.
[Reddit User] − I’m pretty sure the figure is 20%. Like only 20% of women can c** from penetration alone. So if he’s had 10 partners it would be pretty miraculous that all of them could lol
Gold_Firefighter_448 − Under normal circumstances I’d say this was a bit unnecessary, but your boyfriend is an i**ot and decided to have a problem with the way you c**, so NTA
MercifulOtter − NTA. A lot of men think they have some magical d**k that can make a girl come waterfalls from penetration alone. I’m sure there are women out there who *can,* but the majority, like yourself, need some other form of stimulation to get there. His fault for being cocky about it.
Ok_Evening3852 − Honestly, mistakes were made all around. He was overly insecure and you were a bit insensitive to that. Right now he is probably more embarrassed than angry. How would you feel being told that you were fooled over and over again by different people?
The fact that you can’t orgasm on penetration alone is more common than those who can. It’s nothing for you or him to feel ashamed of. You both need to be open and honest about what you want and what feels good so that you can improve.
Late-Koala-4826 − The women in here chalked this up to the great “male ego”, the guys chalked it up to female dishonesty. Another lovely reddit ending.
theloveburts − He’s butthurt about something he could easily google. NTA.
fuzynutznut − I’ve been married to my wife for almost 22 years. The first time I made her c**, I was penetrating her, but also grinding against her instead of the porno style in and out. I realized that’s how I make her c**, by grinding my hips while I’m deep inside her. I’m pretty sure it’s the grinding against her clit that makes her c**.
NahTooPersonel − I’ll get downvoted but f**k it. ESH. Your bf sucks because he isn’t accepting that your sexuality is different from his exes. He’s trying to force something that may not be possible here and is causing a problem where there isn’t one.
You s**k because instead of showing him the science (something like 80% of women can’t orgasm with penetration alone – https://pleasurebetter.com/orgasm-statistics/) you said his exes were faking it. Which, even if true (and you don’t know if it is or isn’t) is a hurtful thing to say.
Edit: I’ve stopped replying to replies because this is getting repetitive and time consuming. Here are the common themes:
1. “But he was a j**k first to bring up his exes.” Yes, he was. I subscribe to the belief that if you respond to an AH as an AH then you too are an AH. If you don’t, fine.
2. “But it’s mathematically unlikely that he made all his exes orgasm and so they were faking it.” This whole discussion is pointless – even if we knew for sure they were faking it, which we don’t, throwing it in his face is mean spirited and will illicit a hurt response. “But he did it first” – see point 1 above.
3. “The science says X…her doctor said they are faking…etc.” all variations of the same non sequitur above. This isn’t about how women orgasm. It’s about two young adults being mean to each other.
ApocalypseMeooow − NTA. The bruised egos in this thread are hilarious. She mentioned his exes because he compared her to them and basically said “s** with you is pretty good but s** with them was BETTER because I could make them c** *every time.* YOU don’t do that.” and she put him in check. He’s embarrassed, but he needed a reality check. What he does with this reality check will determine basically all of his future sexual relationships.. Edit: sp
Do you think the Redditor was wrong for bringing up her boyfriend’s past partners and discussing faked orgasms, or was she simply trying to address a common misconception? How would you handle a sensitive conversation about sexual compatibility with your partner? Share your thoughts below!
