AITAH for telling husband my son will go to best school and his kids’s education is his responsibility?

A Reddit user (32F) is facing a marital conflict with her husband (38M) about the education of her son (5). She plans to send her son to a prestigious private school, which costs $20,000 per year, but her husband wants her son to either attend the same school as his children or for his children to attend the same school as her son.

The user insists that her son’s education is her priority and that her stepchildren’s education is the responsibility of their biological parents. The disagreement has caused tension, and the user is questioning whether she’s in the wrong for standing firm on her decision.

‘ AITAH for telling husband my son will go to best school and his kids’s education is his responsibility?’

I am 32 (f) with a five year old son and next april, he will enter first standard..He is currently in pre school nearby and next year, i plan to send him to best private school in area. It’s annual tution is around 20k usd ( not America ). I studied there. My husband studied there. We met there. I lost my husband when my son was three months old due to cancer. I work for my parents business and from husband i got life insurance , savings and the house went to my son and me. I invested most in my son’s name and some for myself.

I met my current husband 38 (m) three back years . He has a 6 years old son and ten years old daughter. We got married in 2023. His children go to decent school too. His ex wife and him share the funds. We moved to his house.
So my husband said send either his kids to same school as my son or my son to theirs.

I told him my son education can’t be compromised. And his children education is his and his ex wife’s responsibility. We share family budget clothes travel and gifts expense. But not education and children savings which was made clear from day one.

He says he doesn’t want his children to feel second class citizen to my son who will go to most expensive school. I told him he and his ex wife can compromise their savings and pay for their children. Frankly the kids in my step children’s school come from terrible backgrounds and i don’t want my son to mingle with crowd there.

Even if it is private school, it has d**g going crowd. Spoiiled kids with terrible families. I can’t afford another 40k for step children education and frankly their education is their parents responsibility and it was made clear even before wedding.

He says I am being elitist, but as mother my son’s education comes first. The school where I am going to send my son throw such kids out and most kids come from prestigious families with great network..I want him to become successful like his father. And our marriage has hit a rock.

He says his kids will resent my son. But i told him, even before marriage I told him that i will send my son to this school only. He said he thought he would change my mind. My husband is sleeping in other room and I am missing him. But my child comes first. Edit. I know private schools have such issues too. But they tackle it better here and it’s better to take less risk than sending my son to wolves.

Lol people saying I should pay rent to my husband in his fully owned house ? When I asked him to shift to my house and it was his decision that I should shift with him. I own my house (Only child of my parents, on deed as well and my parents want us to be multi generational house. Which is common). I am saving nothing on rent. It was mutual decision to shift to his house. By the way foreign vacation I paid for costs more than the rent he would’ve earned. I didn’t know I have to pay rent to my own husband.

Also to add my late husband house is 50-50 to me and my son. I can’t sell it or anything unless my son decides it in adulthood. So we had both homes to live. To clarify to people who r saying I am lying in comments. He didn’t wanna shift! Then he should pay vacation money. I assure u. He won’t be happy. If I have to pay him rent.. Aitah?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

TallOutside6418 −  NTA. Your husband left you money to take care of you and his child – not to take care of new husbands and their children. It would be a real slap in your son’s face to take the money his father left him and spend it on someone else’s children. He would resent you for doing that when he got older.

It may seem harsh to your new husband, but you made it clear before you married. You can be a good step-mother to his children in hundreds of ways: cook them meals, take care of them, help them with their schoolwork, teach them, etc. But in this one way, your son deserves your unique support.

Individual_Cloud7656 −  NTA but this relationship is doomed. You are doing the right thing for your child.

sapphirexoxoxo −  Are you sure he didn’t marry you because he thought he could talk you into paying for his kids’ education?

Wed_PennyDreadful13 −  “Frankly the kids in my step children’s school come from terrible backgrounds and i don’t want my son to mingle with crowd there.” I hope he knows you’re talking about his kids as well.

GardenGood2Grow −  Children don’t have to have all the same things, especially in a blended family. I sent my 2 children to different schools that were best suited to their abilities- even though one school was considered better than the other. NTA.

Not_JerrySeinfeld −  After reading the comments it seems like you are paying for your son’s schooling, so what’s the issue here?

Effective-Horror-715 −  I was leaning NTA until I read your comments. You’re just an a**hole in general.. ETA: It just keeps getting worse. OP has legitimately insulted and mocked anyone who had the audacity to disagree with her (even if they said NTA overall).. Crazy lady.

Cali_Holly −  NTA. I truly hope you two don’t have children together. Because if he is whining and sleeping in another room, imagine how he’d be if you two shared a child. Then he would expect his child with you, to share What was your husband’s inheritance to you and his child. This is a big mess that could grow even bigger. Also, he is an AH for expecting you to change your mind and compromise your son’s education for the sake of his ego.

MaximusIsKing −  I don’t think you’re TA but I’ll give readers a bit more context. I’m 99% sure from how OP typed this she’s in India. Indians are HIGHLY elitists at when it comes to their private schools, heck they are with public schools too but the dog race to have your kid in the best school starts from when they’re born quite frankly.

Networking, tuition etc it’s all a part of it. If other commentators are accusing OP of being “elitist” let me assure you her husband is too lmao. HE wants his kids to go to her son’s school as well because it’s a stepping stone, and the proximity/ brand matters to him as well.

Agoraphobe961 −  NTA. Your son’s father left you money to properly educate and care for his child as had been discussed during his life. Your new husband has no say in that.

Is the user in the wrong for prioritizing her son’s education and maintaining boundaries regarding the financial responsibilities for her stepchildren? Or is her husband justified in feeling that this approach may lead to division between the children? Share your thoughts in the comments!