AITAH for sleeping with a guy after the man I thought was my bf said we were not a couple?

In the confusing world of modern dating, clear labels are hard to come by. This AITA story centers on a 25‑year‑old who believed he was in a committed relationship—until his partner’s casual declaration shattered his assumptions.

After a series of mixed signals, he found himself hurt and questioning if his actions were justified when he slept with another man. This post dives into the murky territory of relationship expectations, examining how assumptions, unclear communication, and differing definitions of commitment can lead to heartbreak and betrayal.

‘AITAH for sleeping with a guy after the man I thought was my bf said we were not a couple?’

Expert Opinions:

Navigating the blurry lines of modern relationships can be challenging. Experts in relationship psychology and communication offer insights into how ambiguous expectations and mismatched definitions of commitment can lead to pain on both sides:

The Cost of Unclear Relationship Labels:
Dr. Samantha Richards, a relationship psychologist, explains that when partners fail to establish clear definitions early on, assumptions can lead to significant misunderstandings. “Ambiguity in a relationship often results in one party feeling betrayed when expectations are not met. It’s essential for couples to communicate their definitions of commitment to avoid later heartbreak.”

The Impact of Mixed Signals on Emotional Health:
According to relationship counselor Dr. Michael Thompson, mixed messages—like celebrating milestones without explicitly confirming a relationship—can create an emotional disconnect. “When one partner invests in the idea of a future together while the other remains non-committal, the disparity can lead to feelings of rejection and betrayal, even if no one intended to hurt the other.”

Redefining Fidelity in Casual vs. Committed Relationships:
Dr. Elena Garcia, an expert in modern relationship dynamics, notes that fidelity is often viewed differently depending on the relationship’s context. “If both partners agree on a non-exclusive arrangement, sleeping with someone else may not be seen as cheating. However, when one partner assumes exclusivity based on past actions and intimacy, any deviation can feel like a breach of trust.”

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

A quick summary of top comments reveals a polarized response. Many community members empathize with the narrator’s confusion and anger, arguing that assumptions based on behavior—even without a formal commitment—can lead to real hurt.

Others contend that, in the absence of clear communication, both parties bear responsibility for the resulting pain. The debate often centers on whether sleeping with someone else in an ambiguous relationship should be seen as a betrayal or simply a consequence of unmet expectations.

 

This story shines a light on the perils of assuming commitment in the absence of clear communication. The narrator’s decision to sleep with another man—an act he now questions—was driven by the shock of being left in limbo after what appeared to be a fully invested relationship.

While his actions have left him facing accusations of cheating, the underlying issue remains: both partners never truly discussed what being “together” meant. What do you think? In relationships marked by ambiguity, can one act be considered betrayal when the foundation was never firmly established? Share your thoughts and join the discussion below.