AITAH for slapping my brothers fiancé in the face?

A Reddit user shares a distressing family situation involving her niece and nephew, following their father’s new relationship. The children’s emotional well-being is at risk due to their stepmother’s neglect and hostility, leading the user to intervene. However, things escalate when she slaps her brother’s fiancée in a moment of anger. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for slapping my brothers fiancé in the face?’

The article has the next update at the end.

Hi Reddit, I’ve never made a post here before, but I am in need of some advice on what to do. (Warning this is long) I (21F) have an older brother (35M). We are half siblings and my mom had my brother very young. My brother lets call him Tim, has two kids. Mary (7F) and James (5M). Their mother died three years ago. I loved Tim’s wife, Janey. She was like a sister to me and I miss her dearly. I know Tim and the kids do as well(All fake names).

My brother moved out to Colorado (where I am currently a junior in college) for a job opportunity in Denver. My school is about a 45 minute to an hour drive away from their place so I see them often. Mary comes to my college house to hang out with me and my friends. We do spa nights with her and all the girly things she’s been missing since her mom passed.

My boyfriend and James often play video games together during the spa nights, one of my roommates has a dog so the boys also play with him and take him on walks. In the past the kids would come over once a month (maybe less) so Tim can get a little break. That’s how it’s been since my freshman year. However, in the end of last school school year, around march (about 10 months ago) Tim met someone. Let’s call her Meg. Meg is also 35 and has 3 kids, all girls and around 5-9 years old I’m not exactly sure.

At first I was very happy for Tim and thought this would be great for Mary and James as well. I thought surely this women, Meg, would make an effort to include my niece and nephew. Tim and Meg dated for awhile before introducing each other to their kids. This introduction happened in July. I was in Europe with my boyfriend for around 2 months over the summer so I didn’t know exactly what was doing on.

When I returned in August for school, Mary and James visits to me became very frequent. Like once a week which is honestly a lot for me because I’m in school and have a pretty busy social life. But I love my niece and nephew so I was fine with it at first. (I still hadn’t met Meg at this point) But then, one night in September Tim dropped both kids off at my door and just left. This was so unlike him, he didn’t check with me if they could come.

My roommates and I weren’t even home, it was a Saturday night at like 11 PM so we were out at some event for our sorority. I had no idea they were there. One of my boyfriend‘s roommates (they live across the street from my house) saw James and Mary sitting on my front porch and brought them to his house (my boyfriends house). He made them pasta because apparently they said they were starving, and watched a movie with them until my boyfriend came home.

My phone was dead, my boyfriend called one of my roommates and told me what was going on. I rushed home to get them. On my home I looked at my ring camera on my roommates phone and they were sitting outside for an HOUR. Until midnight. They probably would’ve been sitting out there until two in the morning if my neighbor hadn’t noticed them.

When I got their they were in tears saying that their daddy was mad at them because they didn’t like Meg. My roommate and I comforted them and put them to sleep in my bed. I profusely thanked my neighbor and then decided to call their dad. I was livid, Tim didn’t answer any of my calls or texts.

The next morning he responded and said he wanted to spend the night at Meg’s and the kids couldn’t come. I guess her kids were at their dads. I explained that he cannot just drop them with me at any time, I love them but I am not their parent, not to mention, that was completely unsafe. He apologized and came to get them and we moved on.

After this things were fine for awhile. I finally met Meg and her kids in October, Tim, Mary, James, Meg and her kids came to a football game at my school. I quickly noticed their was tension between Meg and my niece and nephew. She barely acknowledged them and seemed annoyed when they talked to her. Her kids were fine though, well behaved and very sweet to James and Mary.

But Meg, was honestly a complete b***h. She was not excited to meet me at all. She barely talked to me , my boyfriend, or our friends. She clung to my brother the entire time and gave me dirty looks every time I tried to talk to him. Everyone noticed this. I didn’t care if she was rude to me, but I could tell it bothered James and Mary. The rest of the day was fine, they sat in their sections and I went to the student section and didn’t see them the rest of the night.

This was the end of October, and there was about three weeks where I didn’t see the kids after this. So at this point it’s November. One night, Tim calls me with news. He has proposed to Meg and they are moving in together. I was shocked. I didn’t realize they were this serious but OK if he’s happy, I’m happy for him. Things continue as normal until two nights ago when Mary calls me crying. She tells me everything.

Apparently since the start of the relationship Meg has made no effort to get to know Mary and James. She brings presents home for her kids, plays with them, brings her girls to get their nails done, does movie nights, etc. My brother has been included in these things but Mary said James and her usually have to stay in their room during “family time.” Meg had moved into Tim’s place it’s a huge house, 5 bedrooms. My brother and Meg also made James and Mary share a room (when they used to have their own) so Meg’s girls could each have their own room.

 

I was pissed to say the least. I got I my car with my boyfriend and drove over there. I didn’t even knock I walked right in. They were all in the kitchen, besides Mary and James. Tim was confused why I was there, but I wasted no time. I started asking where my niece and nephew were. Tim said they were in their room. I sort of blacked out what happened because I was so angry, but my boyfriend filled me in.

This is probably where I’m the a**hole. Apparently I was screaming at Tim calling him a bad dad. I was just going off and Tim was silent. Until Meg spoke up. She actually said “you can’t really expect me to be a mother to these kids who aren’t mine.” I said that’s exactly what I’m expecting. She then said, “it’s not my fault their mother died, they still have their father and you.”

I looked at Tim who looked equally shocked. Honestly, I couldn’t contain myself. I launched at her and slapped her across the face as hard as I could. My boyfriend had to hold me back. James and Mary ran down stairs at this point. That’s the only reason I stopped trying to beat up Meg. Meg was on the floor in tears. I took James and Mary’s hands and left. This was yesterday night. Tim has been calling me telling me to bring his kids back.

But I’m honestly considering bringing them home with me to my parents house (their grandparents) for Christmas. My parents definitely don’t know this is going on otherwise they would’ve said something long ago. But now I don’t know what to do. First of all am I the a**hole for showing up there? Second of all should I tell my parents what has been going on? And third of all, should I take them with me for Christmas?

My boyfriend and friends say I’m not the a**hole, but I probably shouldn’t have slapped her. And I probably shouldn’t just take them with me without asking. Leaving James and Mary there with that women is making me sick. So Reddit, what do you think? Also, is Meg right for not wanting to step into a mother role for James and Mary? (I’m missing some details but this is most of the situation).

UPDATE: thanks so much for all comments and advice over the past few hours. I want to start off by saying I love these kids more then anything. I would do anything for them. Unfortunately I’m only 21 and I’m a server/bartender at a local restaurant.

After rent and dues I don’t have enough money, or time, to be a proper parent to my niece and nephew so I can’t take them permanently. If I could, I would. But I’m not financially able to give them everything they need right now. But I loved their mom, and will do everything to make sure her kids always have someone in their corner.

Something I forgot to mention in the original post; I hadn’t been to my brother’s house for a while, when I got there it was completely redecorated. New furniture, decorations, even paint color. Fine, meg moved in and wanted to redecorate. But almost ALL the photos of Janey were removed. There was still 1 or 2 of just Janey and the kids but every family photo of my brother, janey, and the kids was gone.

There was a large family photo of them in the living room that was replaced by a photo of Meg and Tim (neither of their kids were in the photo). Maybe it’s not that big of a deal, but it made me go from angry to absolutely livid. I’m not a violent person. But I was so overcome with emotion, and honestly my heart was broken for my niece and nephew I just couldn’t control myself.

For the time I’ve had Mary and James since the “incident,” Mary had been begging me to take them to Nana and pops (what they call my parents)house, I think James is a bit confused but knows he wants to stay with Mary, and she has been adamant she doesn’t want to see Meg or her dad, and wants to come with me to her grandparents.

Ok now for the update: I took a lot of yalls advice and called my parents. They live in Florida, so unfortunately they can’t come with me to talk to Tim in person, I wish they could.(Although my dad isn’t Tim’s bio dad, he really looks up to him and sees him as his father, my dad loves Tim like his son.) I told them the entire story, including the slap and me taking the kids. My mom was in tears by the end and my dad was pissed. They love their grandchildren.

They knew Tim was getting married but they haven’t met Meg yet, and had no idea she was “such a heartless c*nt” (my moms words lol). They called Tim, and told him he either needs to go over to my house without meg and have a calm conversation with me, or they are going to try and get custody of Mary of James. Or sue for custody I don’t know what they said. But, Tim called me. He asked to come over and talk. My boyfriend and friends are taking the kids to ice cream and the movies. So they will be out of the house. Tim’s coming over soon will update after we talk.

Next update:

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Ok-Nose42 −  Holy s**t that’s a lot I would call your brother and tell him I’m bringing kids to grandparents that love them and not treat them like second class citizens. Good for you.

sunflower_noir −  NTA in your motivations. Slapping someone that hard is a**ault though, and taking someone else’s kids is kidnapping. Just the facts. So tread carefully. You need to call your brother and figure out where his kids are going to go. He is their father and you legally cannot take his kids without his permission. Meg is entitled to press charges on you. Keep this in mind going forward.

Inform your parents of what’s going on. Your niece and nephew need more adults in their corner. The way Meg treats them is not okay, and your brother recklessly abandoned them that night when he dropped them off alone! These kids are in active danger. It’s time to get more people involved.

neatfreak1517 −  Let them try to press charges. Then you can tell them you’re pressing charges for child endangerment when he left the kids on your porch at night for hours.

Stolpskott71 −  NTA, but… As others have said, you are potentially on the hook for a**ault and kidnapping charges. But the key to this whole shitshow is Tim. You said that he looked shocked – is this by you going postal, or by Meg’s uncaring and callous attitude, where she obviously expects Tim to parent her kids but she is not willing to parent his?

You REALLY need to get to the bottom of that, because if he is willing to effectively abandon his kids for a woman he met a few months ago, then those kids are going to need some major help from the other adults in the family – I am not for a second suggesting that you would need to step up, but your parents might.

The “come to Jesus” moment for Tim in that case would probably be something along the lines of you or your parents asking him to give up his parental rights and allow Mary and James to be adopted by your parents, since he would be willing to let his new soon-to-be-wife cut his kids out of his life like that.

Ok_Play2364 −  WTF is wrong with your brother?

Wooster182 −  So I’m going to say YTA but only because you need to be way more strategic going forward for the sake of those kids. He’s asking you to bring them home. Do it immediately so he doesn’t try to have you for kidnapping. Tell your parents what is going on. Have a calm 1 on 1 conversation with him about his behavior and how it affects you and his kids. If he realizes he’s in the wrong and needs to break off with this woman, then watch him closely but support him.

If he continues to treat his kids like crap, then I would prepare to file a case with CPS. Dropping off small children on a porch for hours would probably be enough to at least launch a case. Do not touch that woman again. Don’t speak to her. You will be lucky if she doesn’t press charges. And if you do have to call CPS, be prepared for her to use that against you. Every decision you make now has to be about protecting those kids. Think before you act.

Tamekyaa −  update please when you can.

ghjkl098 −  NTA You need to talk to mary and james about everything that has been happening. It might take time. Write it all down. Then talk to tim and ask if he is aware of the psychological abuse and n**lect and why he hasn’t stopped it. The kids are not safe with Meg in the house. What is Tim doing about it. Talk to your parents about options for the kids if Tim is as stupid as he sounds and continues to abandon his kids. Talk to a family lawyer about options moving forward

Consistent-Ad3191 −  I would contact social services because what he’s doing is emotional abuse, and allowing his girlfriend to mistreat his children.

Necessary_Judge_1786 −  I read I should update in a comment, just wanted to say I’m really grateful for all the support from everyone. The kids are here in Florida with me and my parents and had a great Christmas Eve! We are excited for Christmas tomorrow and for Santa to come. We’ve gotten both kids tons of presents and full stockings.

Tim will be here for new years without Meg. We will talk more then and figure out how to go from there. We’ve texted a few times about the kids, and he has said he is figuring things out with Meg. But not exactly sure what that means. We will see. Will update if anything else happens before then.